Labor Part 1

It was Monday morning, eight a.m. I was working, like I usually did and tried to keep my mind off of the impending day that was arriving before I knew it. More than anything, I was terrified. 

I reached up and into the IV warmer, pulling out a liter of LR and felt it immediately. Scared and in a shocking amount of pain I fell backwards and onto my butt. I stayed there for a moment and realized what was going on. 

Standing slowly and kept my knees bent and took in a few deep breaths. Nothing had happened yet, so why stop. This could go on for weeks, or hours. I walked towards the head of the gurney I was dressing for the next patient and with an "ooph" I pushed the gurney back into pre-op and after getting the room set up, I returned back to the nurses station and really felt how much pain and how exhausted I was. 

"Dani, are you okay?" One of the nurses asked. 

"No." I said, shaking my head. I rubbed my belly and cringed again. "I think I'm in labor." 

- - - - - 

If you missed it . . . 

6 lbs, 12oz, 19 in long. 

5 Things To Never Say to Me . . .

... or I will judge you. And yes, all of these have been said by patients I've had.

5. " I know the sign said not to pee before surgery, but I didn't think it applied to me." Oh? Do tell me why.

4. "If you don't take good care of me, I will sue you! Now, can I have some soda before surgery?" I don't really give a crap WHO you are, as long as you are nice, I'll treat you nice. And as for the soda, AW HELL NO.


3. "Last time you gave me Novocaine I got all numb." Oh, you don't say? 


2. "I'm allergic to epinephrine." Did your dentist tell you that? Fire him immediately.

1. "Can I get some Demerol? I know its just a mass excision, but none of the other pain medications work." Do I really need to add a caption here? This says it all.

Mommy's Uterus

"Remember that one time you saw my uterus?" 

It was not the best start to dinner conversation, I will admit, but I had to have a chuckle at the fact that years later my mother still remembered my traumatizing incident. 

I was still in high school, actually doing my clinical for my CNA licensing when I got assigned to work in a hospitals lab. Excited to NOT be in labor and delivery with all the other girls I headed down to the lab, preparing for a night of blood draws and staring at charts. 

Once I got there, the lab tech was a short guy, with large muscles and a small attention span. He introduced himself, but I forgot his name immediately. I'm pretty sure it was Yoplait, something that had to do with Yogurt, I'm sure.

After a few moments he invited me to see the specimen room. I agreed and excitedly walked into the room, where he had opened the fridge and allowed me to check out the body parts. A foot laid in the bottom of the refrigerator, a finger or two in the drawer. We looked at the specimens on the walls. I stared at each one intently before moving onto the next one, when finally one specimen REALLY caught my attention. It just looked... weird. 

Trying to be smart and scientific I turned it to get a better angle when I saw the name on the side of the cup. It was my mothers name, and the specimen that had caught my attention was her uterus. I nearly dropped it, but put it back on the shelf and told Gogurt that I had to use the restroom. 

By this point the shift had ended, so instead I just went back to the conference room, signed out and hurried out to my car. Once I got there I started to giggle like a mad man. Trying to process my feelings all I could think of were how I had just done what everyone else does... you know, they drive past the old house to see what they've done with the place. Except in this situation, the old house is in a jar with preservatives. 

I got home and crawled into bed with my mom and started to giggle again, then proceeded to tell her. She started to giggle as well and we both discussed the need for new paint on the old place. 

"Yeah mom," I sighed. "I remember."