Only 30 minutes into my shift and the nurse and I are deep in conversation. About what you may ask? Foley catheter's. Some may find this a boring subject, but when you work where I work, its never the play-by-play of how to do it. These conversations come jam-packed with side stories; bladders that have been ruptured, injured or just plain funny faces from patients during a totally uncomfortable process.
It's another slow night at my friendly neighborhood job site and so I'm taking the time to read up on blogs, read my textbooks and whine about the boss man and their crazy ideas. (Trust me, if your boss thought you should stay awake for 40 some-odd hours you would bitch too.) While doing all of this and practicing patient care, the nurse and I continue a long conversation that should last all night.
The conversation jumps and suddenly we are on the topic of partners. How odd. I think to myself as I listen to her talk about past hospitals she has worked in. This was the last topic on the Handover Blog... Ironic. However, as I have come to learn to do in this job I just roll with it. The nurse I am working with and I haven't always gotten along well. We are from the same mold, she and I. Both stubborn, outspoken, smart, and fiery. We discussed how we hated each other when I began working with her, and then how over time we quickly became close colleagues.
When I first came to this unit I quickly became close friends with one nurse, and disliked the other, because the other nurse was very vocal about her opinions and me being the new girl took ALL of it to heart. (The nurse with the conspiracy theories is the one who I befriended first. There's only two night nurses that I work with) However, it didn't take long to realize why, it was because we were both strangers to each other, and that scared us both. Working one-on-one with somebody is a tough thing to do for 12 hours a day, 3 days a week; which is why if you like your partner, (or colleague) its a blessing unlike any other.
In EMT school my teacher always emphasized on how we would walk away from that class with lifelong friends. I rolled my eyes and sighed every time I heard it, however, those kids, the EMT's in my life are the people who I have loved, hated, befriended, disliked, and after so long everything has fallen into place that we are all still amazing friends. My partner from that class, for example was assigned to me, and I was scared to see where things went. I was a rough-neck hillbilly from Crazy Hick High School, and she came from the prissy rich upper East side. At first I laughed at her and begged my teacher for the other hillbilly student in hopes that between practicing CPR I could use trucks and mudding as conversations. But my request was denied and my partner stayed the 90 lb. brunette. It only took days before we became best friends, and still to this day are great friends. Some of the other kids in my class that we shared rooms with, shared good and bad days with, we have all stayed in touch... I never thought that a couple of kids saving lives for fun could turn into such an amazing bond.
My nurse, knowing my dream of becoming a paramedic, asks me about some of the decisions I have made regarding schooling, work and my personal life. We talk about it for awhile and she looks to me. "You're learning so much more here, doing shifts like these than a textbook paramedic, so even if your gonna be doing what you do for a little while longer, that's okay. It'll make you better in the long run."
I looked to her. "Yeah," I agree, "But do you think I'll learn paramedic skills in a hospital?"
"Absolutely." She replies, grabbing a chart. "You'll learn it all the slow way, perfect it then be able to whip it outta nowhere when it comes time for you to preform in an emergent situation. Hell, the nurses station can be your little ambulance bay!" We both laugh and continue on with our shift. But it made me think about how lucky I am to have such a great team here, and such great night shift 'partners.' When you think about it, its not just working nights. Its working when its just us, and no one else. In our hospital, if shit hits the fan, then we are forced to dial 911, not the ER, which can be scary.
But another big thing happened tonight. When shift change is over we are supposed to go introduce ourselves to the patients by giving them our name and title. Generally if the other is busy with another task we do it for the other, so I would write my name and title on the board, and then the nurses. Every night, I see Dani, CNA (or HCA) written on the board, but tonight, I saw something different. Dani, EMT-B
Friday, May 29, 2009
Looking Back at Myself
At times its hard to remember why I fell in love with medicine, I have been doing this longer than anyone else my age (having gotten my CNA license before my drivers license). There are nights that I question why I was crazy enough to willingly submit myself to the things I do.
This is a picture of me at the ripe ole age of seventeen. I was young, open-minded, excited, and ambitious. In this photo, I was doing what I loved most in the world. Unlike 'normal' seventeen year olds, I didn't waste my Fridays and Saturdays dating, they were spent with a first aid kit. I had been a volunteer EMT at a BMX track since I had turned 15, and was using all the skills I had learned in my EMT-B class at the track. As time passed and I learned more, I was trusted more and my patients would come to me after their crashes and I loved to bandage them up. I had this dream of the medic I would one day be, of how all the injuries I was bandaging up now would have trained me for the gory MVA's I would see later on in my life.
On the indoor track, where I spent most my time playing medic, there was what is termed a 'sweeper', which is a flat turn on a BMX track. (A burm is a rounded turn on the track.) Our sweeper was placed behind the third turn, and the track coiled itself nicely around the small equestrian center. However, one night, a new volunteer was sent to the sweeper, and when the dirt gets too wet, too dry, or even too over swept, it becomes dangerous.
But it doesn't take me too long to step back and think about where I was, who I was and where I have come from since then.
This is a picture of me at the ripe ole age of seventeen. I was young, open-minded, excited, and ambitious. In this photo, I was doing what I loved most in the world. Unlike 'normal' seventeen year olds, I didn't waste my Fridays and Saturdays dating, they were spent with a first aid kit. I had been a volunteer EMT at a BMX track since I had turned 15, and was using all the skills I had learned in my EMT-B class at the track. As time passed and I learned more, I was trusted more and my patients would come to me after their crashes and I loved to bandage them up. I had this dream of the medic I would one day be, of how all the injuries I was bandaging up now would have trained me for the gory MVA's I would see later on in my life. 
I had seen a lot in just a short while, from head injuries, fractured skulls, broken legs, concussions and heaven knows how many cases of 'road rash' (which was personally my favorite, it was something that didn't require a visit to your friendly neighborhood hospital). BMX parents who worked in hospitals would bring the supplies (remember it was a volunteer medic position) and I would fix everyone who needed the help. The ambulance and fire service in the area of the track and I got to know each other pretty well, and before too long we could transport patients and make it look like a scene from a movie. However, it wasn't just a teenager with a passion to heal people, I was taking care of people that I knew and loved.
On the indoor track, where I spent most my time playing medic, there was what is termed a 'sweeper', which is a flat turn on a BMX track. (A burm is a rounded turn on the track.) Our sweeper was placed behind the third turn, and the track coiled itself nicely around the small equestrian center. However, one night, a new volunteer was sent to the sweeper, and when the dirt gets too wet, too dry, or even too over swept, it becomes dangerous.
An adult male about 35 years old crashed, hard. We didn't see the crash, but we could see his bike flying out from under him and into the air. Grabbing my jump kit we ran to the sweeper and yelled to the volunteers to stop the riders while we assessed the patient. At this time the only other person with first responder skills was my dad, so the two of us jumped into action. I immediately saw that we was lying on his side and as his wife ran to him 
he fell onto his back. This was when I realized that he was no responding.
he fell onto his back. This was when I realized that he was no responding. " John Doe! John Doe!' I yelled to him, patting his chest. He didn't reply so I immediately instructed another racer nearby to hold the C-spine for me while I moved onto the rest of my assessment, testing to see if he was responsive to pain. He wasn't.
"I need someone to call 911!" My dad yelled. I leaned into my patient and felt to see if they were breathing, they were, then I leaned in and checked for a pulse, it too was there. Adrenaline pumped through my veins and I looked to my patient as I tried to check AVPU again, as I did so, I noticed that a visible hematoma was forming around his cheekbone, and within the seconds it took us to determine the need for 911 his face was becoming bruised. "I need 911!" My dad yelled again.
Adrenaline pumped through my veins like ice and I continued onto a head-to-toe assessment, ust like I had been trained to do. We came to learn from this that not only did he have a facial injury, but was tender around his ribs. As the ambulance pulled into the building and the fire fighters brought out a backboard I obtained the C-spine once more and waited for the direction of the fire fighters to place him on it. We did and as we did so we literally ran to the rig and I explained my basic assessment of my patient.
Two weeks later I got a call from his wife, he fractured his zygomaticus, 2 ribs and did have a hefty bleed in his cheekbone. If it wasn't for quick responders, he may not have even gotten onto an ambulance. It was one of my first real saves as an EMT, even if it wasn't completely my save.
So on nights like tonight that are so slow you can feel your dinner metabolising, and you can hear the nurses heartbeat, I think back to back when. Things have changed since then, even if its only been a few years, and I quickly realize that in a few years from now I'll have more awesome stories to share, and I'll look back at the me now and laugh. It's all a growing process, even when its slow.
________P.S. I am very aware these are HORRIBLE pictures of myself and I have contemplated NOT posting these, but they were the only ones I have from this era, and they worked all too well.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The Body Never Lies - How we Communicate
Generally speaking my unit slows down around 5 pm. PACU, Pre-Op and the OR staff all goes home. Doctors either go to other hospitals or home to their families. Nurses slowly make their way out of the building and we arrive for night shift to a generally quiet hospital. Tonight however, was something far different than what I was used to, as I arrived to work. Jumping between helping in PACU and my unit, I got to see snippets of what goes on during the days, during the busy times and during our shifts, and was reminded of a huge factor that is often overlooked as a big part of medicine. Communication.
Verbal Orders, reports, standing orders, charts, rounds, phone reports, written orders; there are literally hundreds of ways we communicate to one another in a hospital. The communication never ends; from physican to residents, residents to nurses, nurses to CNA's, and so on and so forth. Communication is the number one tool to accurate diagnositcs.
This last weekend I went to Las Vegas and got a chance to see the 'Bodies' Exhibit, located at the Luxor. When you first enter the exhibit you see a painted quote on the wall in big bold letters, reading; "The Body Never Lies." When we think about communication, we think of it as one human being to another, but in medicine communication continues down to a cellular level. We quickly learn to listen to the body, not the lies, because as Dr. House says 'Everybody lies.'
A prime example of this was during my clinicals on an ambulance, we got called to a 'unknown cause' to a pretty familiar spot downtown. When we picked up our patient it was a young female who complained of loss of bladder control and abdominal pain. I asked two questions; "Are you Pregnant?" and "Are you sexually active?" Both questions she replied no to. The paramedic I was shadowing placed his stethoscope to her stomach and then asked if he could palpate her abdomen. Whatever kicked his hand in return proved otherwise.
Tonight we asked a patient if he has any allergies. If we were to listen to the patient, we would've given him multiple doses of a medication that would have ultimately killed him should we have listened only to him. However, we noticed the hives appear up and down his the soft tissues on his arms, stomach and back and immediately quit the dosages of that medication. He informed us later on that he knew he was allergic and 'forgot' to mention it to us. Good thing the body never lies.
As I'm writing this communication is going on all around me. Patients are talking to their loved ones, the nurse is figuring out the medication reports, and I have a chart open next to me as I chart the post-op vitals. The phone will ring as physicans call in, gathering information about their patients, and I am sitting here, writing about all that goes on around me, and embracing it.
Imagine a hospital with no communication, with no way of telling others the care you gave, the patients condition, imagine our world without communication. Would we even exsist?
Verbal Orders, reports, standing orders, charts, rounds, phone reports, written orders; there are literally hundreds of ways we communicate to one another in a hospital. The communication never ends; from physican to residents, residents to nurses, nurses to CNA's, and so on and so forth. Communication is the number one tool to accurate diagnositcs.
This last weekend I went to Las Vegas and got a chance to see the 'Bodies' Exhibit, located at the Luxor. When you first enter the exhibit you see a painted quote on the wall in big bold letters, reading; "The Body Never Lies." When we think about communication, we think of it as one human being to another, but in medicine communication continues down to a cellular level. We quickly learn to listen to the body, not the lies, because as Dr. House says 'Everybody lies.'
A prime example of this was during my clinicals on an ambulance, we got called to a 'unknown cause' to a pretty familiar spot downtown. When we picked up our patient it was a young female who complained of loss of bladder control and abdominal pain. I asked two questions; "Are you Pregnant?" and "Are you sexually active?" Both questions she replied no to. The paramedic I was shadowing placed his stethoscope to her stomach and then asked if he could palpate her abdomen. Whatever kicked his hand in return proved otherwise.
Tonight we asked a patient if he has any allergies. If we were to listen to the patient, we would've given him multiple doses of a medication that would have ultimately killed him should we have listened only to him. However, we noticed the hives appear up and down his the soft tissues on his arms, stomach and back and immediately quit the dosages of that medication. He informed us later on that he knew he was allergic and 'forgot' to mention it to us. Good thing the body never lies.
As I'm writing this communication is going on all around me. Patients are talking to their loved ones, the nurse is figuring out the medication reports, and I have a chart open next to me as I chart the post-op vitals. The phone will ring as physicans call in, gathering information about their patients, and I am sitting here, writing about all that goes on around me, and embracing it.
Imagine a hospital with no communication, with no way of telling others the care you gave, the patients condition, imagine our world without communication. Would we even exsist?
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Medicine Simply Doesn't Wait
"I'm gonna make it through this right?"
I looked down at the frail elderly man who asked me this question. His face looked worn and tired, but his brown eyes looked hopeful and worried as he looked up at me. I touched his arm and looked at him warmly. He had been sick all afternoon and finally placed in a 1:1, where I was called to assist for a moment, after studying his face and helping him get cleaned up, I provided him with my answer. "Im gonna do my damndest to make sure you get better."
Illnesses dont take holidays, Patients don't take breaks. Medicine simply doesn't wait. When you work on an ambulance or even on an air ambulance this is considered a rush, but when you work in a hospital medical unit, this is considered tedious. By no means is patient care annoying, but when you have patients that are considered 'high matienance,' and they are stable, that takes away from the truly ill patients and their care.
People don't understand how worn out you get from working the same 12 hour shifts week to week. Generally speaking, other people, the people we consider 'normal folks' don't deal with death in their jobs. Most people don't feel their hearts break every time they enter a patient room to assist them with simple needs. These normal folks don't have to expose themselves to commincable
diseases, have no need to worry about infections that were caught too late. I once saw a father wearing a t-shirt that read 'My daughter does battle with the angel of death 40 hours a week. What does your daughter do?' Almost every week this is how it feels, a never ending battle with the inevitable.
Liver Failure. Obesity. Depression. Cellulitis. Anxiety. CF. Diabetes. Week after week. Month after month. After so many hours, so many days of working, and so many months of giving to others and not even considering your own needs, you start to contemplate who the patient really is. Then to make matters worse, family, friends and your loved one becomes the patient. Life doesn't give out breaks. You don't get a vacation from life.
'This world keeps spinning faster, to a new disaster, so I run to you, I run to you baby.
When it all starts coming undone baby your the only one I run to. I run to you, I run to you."
-Lady Antebellum (I run to you)
I looked down at the frail elderly man who asked me this question. His face looked worn and tired, but his brown eyes looked hopeful and worried as he looked up at me. I touched his arm and looked at him warmly. He had been sick all afternoon and finally placed in a 1:1, where I was called to assist for a moment, after studying his face and helping him get cleaned up, I provided him with my answer. "Im gonna do my damndest to make sure you get better."
Illnesses dont take holidays, Patients don't take breaks. Medicine simply doesn't wait. When you work on an ambulance or even on an air ambulance this is considered a rush, but when you work in a hospital medical unit, this is considered tedious. By no means is patient care annoying, but when you have patients that are considered 'high matienance,' and they are stable, that takes away from the truly ill patients and their care.
People don't understand how worn out you get from working the same 12 hour shifts week to week. Generally speaking, other people, the people we consider 'normal folks' don't deal with death in their jobs. Most people don't feel their hearts break every time they enter a patient room to assist them with simple needs. These normal folks don't have to expose themselves to commincable
diseases, have no need to worry about infections that were caught too late. I once saw a father wearing a t-shirt that read 'My daughter does battle with the angel of death 40 hours a week. What does your daughter do?' Almost every week this is how it feels, a never ending battle with the inevitable.Liver Failure. Obesity. Depression. Cellulitis. Anxiety. CF. Diabetes. Week after week. Month after month. After so many hours, so many days of working, and so many months of giving to others and not even considering your own needs, you start to contemplate who the patient really is. Then to make matters worse, family, friends and your loved one becomes the patient. Life doesn't give out breaks. You don't get a vacation from life.
'This world keeps spinning faster, to a new disaster, so I run to you, I run to you baby.
When it all starts coming undone baby your the only one I run to. I run to you, I run to you."
-Lady Antebellum (I run to you)
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Humanity : The Search for Something
Humanity is always in search of something. We search for more, we search for less, we search for simple things, and the most complicated of things, and when you work the job I do, you see the search daily. EMT's, CNA's, RN's, Paramedics, we all are exposed to this battle for searching for something, and so we search for outlets. Some use sports as an athletic outlet, others art, and some of us use writing, but almost every human being uses music as a part of their lives. Music plays an enormous part in being human beings, and so we embrace it for its multiple qualities.
Every day when I drive into work I set my Ipod to my 'Hospital Playlist.' Its taken me quite awhile to compile this playlist, and the songs include the following:
Life is short - Butterfly Boucher / Where I stood - Missy Higgins / Be Ok - Ingrid Michaelson / Kristy, Are you doing okay? - The Offspring / Peace of Mind- Boston / Prayer of the Children - Kurt Bestor / Sky - Joshua Radin / Fools Like Me - Lisa Loeb / Broken - Lifehouse / Here's to the Night - Eve 6 / A Call to Courage - William Ross
Each song has a special meaning to me, from EMT training courses or even as simple as the lyrics mirroring the feelings I harbor concerning my life. Each song helps me focus on what my job is really about.
Working in a hospital isn't just about answering call lights and taking vital signs. Its about helping other human beings cope while in terrifying situations that may only occur a handful of times in the span of their lives. Its about connecting with human beings on a deeper level than you can as a RN or a Paramedic, simply because you have more time to do so. When taking classes to get my CNA, my teacher read a study to us that in a day at a hosptial, care center or doctors office, on average a doctor will see a patient for about 1 minute and 45 seconds, a nurse will spend 7 minutes with a patient, but a CNA will spend over 3 hours with their patients.
As I drove into work today this playlist, like every night at work, played loudly, and I tried to absorb the inspiration as I prepared myself to go to work. We don't have a job where we can post photos of our families, friends and children in our cubicles and talk about them during lunch breaks, heck we are lucky if we even obtain a lunch break during some shifts. We have a job where our lives end at the time clock and are placed on hold until we clock out. Finally, I was ready to head into work, and did so.
Before every shift I work without fail I do two things, the first, I say the EMT's prayer, and second I ask myself 'what will I learn from my patients?'
In my city there isn't much diversity, even in the heart of the state capitol. Generally speaking, I deal with middle-aged caucasian patients, on both units that I work on, so when I arrived at work and heard someone say 'Gurl lemme tell you somethin bout Jesus,' I was a little bit suprised to say the least (not the part about Jesus, but a different dialect of english!). When I arrived in the patients room during introductions I smiled to see an African American man and a woman who looked to be from an Asian ethnicity. Both were minorities in our population, and both were a breath of fresh air.
"Lemme tell you somethin." The man tells me as I write my name on the white board. "You need to know this if your gonna love sumbody." I turn and smile at him. Growing up I spent a few years living in Chicago and was used to this, but not where I am at, and was loving the flashbacks. "Gurl you gotta sleep on your left next to the woman you love, then they are close to your heart, and that is love. You understand me?" Watching my patient and their loved one I realized that 20 minutes into my shift and I already had my lesson for the night.
As I got to know my patients I had come to realize that they were in search of something simple, healing. When I asked for the patient wish while in our unit the reply was; "I want to heal, I want to be healthy again." The search was an easy one, to find their way back to a pain-free happy life that they once had.
So while they sleep tonight I put on my playlist and continued to listen carefully to the lyrics, because while they search for their wishes, I too am human and am searching for inspiration to help me help my patients.
How to save a life - The Fray / Big Sweet Life - John Dee Graham / Soundtrack to Your Life - Ashley Parker Angel / The Climb - Miley Cyrus / Into the Fire - Thirteen Senses
Every day when I drive into work I set my Ipod to my 'Hospital Playlist.' Its taken me quite awhile to compile this playlist, and the songs include the following:
Life is short - Butterfly Boucher / Where I stood - Missy Higgins / Be Ok - Ingrid Michaelson / Kristy, Are you doing okay? - The Offspring / Peace of Mind- Boston / Prayer of the Children - Kurt Bestor / Sky - Joshua Radin / Fools Like Me - Lisa Loeb / Broken - Lifehouse / Here's to the Night - Eve 6 / A Call to Courage - William Ross
Each song has a special meaning to me, from EMT training courses or even as simple as the lyrics mirroring the feelings I harbor concerning my life. Each song helps me focus on what my job is really about.
Working in a hospital isn't just about answering call lights and taking vital signs. Its about helping other human beings cope while in terrifying situations that may only occur a handful of times in the span of their lives. Its about connecting with human beings on a deeper level than you can as a RN or a Paramedic, simply because you have more time to do so. When taking classes to get my CNA, my teacher read a study to us that in a day at a hosptial, care center or doctors office, on average a doctor will see a patient for about 1 minute and 45 seconds, a nurse will spend 7 minutes with a patient, but a CNA will spend over 3 hours with their patients.
As I drove into work today this playlist, like every night at work, played loudly, and I tried to absorb the inspiration as I prepared myself to go to work. We don't have a job where we can post photos of our families, friends and children in our cubicles and talk about them during lunch breaks, heck we are lucky if we even obtain a lunch break during some shifts. We have a job where our lives end at the time clock and are placed on hold until we clock out. Finally, I was ready to head into work, and did so.
Before every shift I work without fail I do two things, the first, I say the EMT's prayer, and second I ask myself 'what will I learn from my patients?'
In my city there isn't much diversity, even in the heart of the state capitol. Generally speaking, I deal with middle-aged caucasian patients, on both units that I work on, so when I arrived at work and heard someone say 'Gurl lemme tell you somethin bout Jesus,' I was a little bit suprised to say the least (not the part about Jesus, but a different dialect of english!). When I arrived in the patients room during introductions I smiled to see an African American man and a woman who looked to be from an Asian ethnicity. Both were minorities in our population, and both were a breath of fresh air.
"Lemme tell you somethin." The man tells me as I write my name on the white board. "You need to know this if your gonna love sumbody." I turn and smile at him. Growing up I spent a few years living in Chicago and was used to this, but not where I am at, and was loving the flashbacks. "Gurl you gotta sleep on your left next to the woman you love, then they are close to your heart, and that is love. You understand me?" Watching my patient and their loved one I realized that 20 minutes into my shift and I already had my lesson for the night.
As I got to know my patients I had come to realize that they were in search of something simple, healing. When I asked for the patient wish while in our unit the reply was; "I want to heal, I want to be healthy again." The search was an easy one, to find their way back to a pain-free happy life that they once had.
So while they sleep tonight I put on my playlist and continued to listen carefully to the lyrics, because while they search for their wishes, I too am human and am searching for inspiration to help me help my patients.
How to save a life - The Fray / Big Sweet Life - John Dee Graham / Soundtrack to Your Life - Ashley Parker Angel / The Climb - Miley Cyrus / Into the Fire - Thirteen Senses
Friday, May 22, 2009
Tools of the Trade
"Do you wanna hear my latest conspiracy theory?"
For those of you who keep up with my blog, you have come to understand that working in medicine is a roller-coaster ride unlike any other. However, tonight I have time to sit back and look around me, to study the tools of my trade. The things that make us the professionals we are.
It's 2230 pm and I'm in the middle of a 1600-0400 shift when my nurse turns to me and asks me this question. I cannot help but smile, not because I am as into her conspiracies as she would like, but because she and I are close. When you work as long of hours as often as we do in the medical field, you become close. The colleague you simply talked boy talk with in the beginning suddenly becomes your sister, the nurse who answered all of your questions from how to cook certain meals to how to draw blood becomes your mentor and the doctors become your brothers. You become a family, and you learn to love them, crazy as they may be.
For those of you who keep up with my blog, you have come to understand that working in medicine is a roller-coaster ride unlike any other. However, tonight I have time to sit back and look around me, to study the tools of my trade. The things that make us the professionals we are. My scrub pockets are loaded down with various items, I have sticky notes in my back pocket, pens in both front pockets and in my side pocket on my thigh I have a pair of trauma shears, two markers, a highlighter and more pens. In my chest pocket I have the patent's information, as well as any other odds and ends I may have picked up while in a patients room. Hung around my neck is my stethoscope, the same old tool I have used since I was in CNA school, almost 5 years ago now.
Scattered around the desk behind me is more tools. Medicine cups, gloves, gauze, adhesives and lots of medical tape. Our center focuses on Ortho, on bones, on muscles, on joints, so the tape ranges anything from scotch tape, so simple IV tape, silk and so many more. It seems as if all the doctors do in our unit is ace wraps and tape, but its effective, so we keep it on hand. Needles are hidden in the cupboard above, and all ranges and sizes of them, from the butterfly's (25 g) to the regular 18 gauge needles. Oddly enough, ultrasound gel is also placed in the same cupboard, but not for pregnancy as many would assume, but for anesthesiology (to help place nerve blocks).
In almost every unit of the hospital we give patients the basic essentials to help them feel more comfortable during their stay, however, they may not always like these items. Usually this 
includes a big basin, a kidney basin, a kleenex box, lotion, baby powder, comb, toothbrush and toothpaste, socks, a water mug and an incentives spirometer. These are also stored nearby and some of these things are simple needs with understandable explainations, but as I study these tools I smile as I come to the incentives spirometer. Its the simplest of any tool you will come across in the hospital, designed like a game, and has so many purposes to help you with your health. Who would think that this tool (pictured left) would help you with your pain management, let alone assisting your body in preventing blood clots?
includes a big basin, a kidney basin, a kleenex box, lotion, baby powder, comb, toothbrush and toothpaste, socks, a water mug and an incentives spirometer. These are also stored nearby and some of these things are simple needs with understandable explainations, but as I study these tools I smile as I come to the incentives spirometer. Its the simplest of any tool you will come across in the hospital, designed like a game, and has so many purposes to help you with your health. Who would think that this tool (pictured left) would help you with your pain management, let alone assisting your body in preventing blood clots?My job has become a family business. I take care of the basic needs and odds and ends, while my sisters have become pro's in medication administration, IV acess and treatment needs. They take care of the wound care, and I'll assist. In the family business we make things work, and for the best, because our patients live, and while their in our care, usually are extremely happy.
I call that one hell of a job well done.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Pneumonics
When your training to be an EMT, you find yourself overwhelmed at times, so the big shots decided that pneumonics would help the EMT-In-Training learn better and faster. Alot of these pneumonics are used for Nursing, for becoming a doctor, and even for becoming a first responder.
At first you think they will be easy to remember;
OPQRST (onset, provocation, quality, radiation, severtiy, time),
SAMPLE (Signs and symptoms, Allergies, Medications, Pertinent Past Medical History, Last Oral Intake, Events leading up to incident),
ETA (Estimated time of arrival),
AVPU (Alert, Verbal, Painful, Unresponsive- Stimuli),
PMS (Pulse, Motor, Sensory),
JVD (Jugular Vein Distention),
ALS (Advanced Life Support),
PERRL (Pupils are Equal Round and Reactive to Light),
A&O x3 (Alert and Oriented to Person, place and time)
LOC (Level of Consiousness)
ETOH (Ethanoyl-Drinking)
SOB (Shortness of Breath)
MVA (motor-vehicle accident)
But the easiest and most important pneumonic is this; ABCDE. Airway, Breathing Circulation, Decision to Transport and Expose (Trauma).
Last night at work I had a chance to review my EMT skills and remember my basics all over again. While sitting in a 1:1 with two patients, I was taking vitals of one patient between visits from the physicans. They spoke quietly to each other and then to the fairly alert patient, and then back to each other. They preformed small medical procedures, and then left. The patient's respirations had jumped from 20 breaths a minute (10 L on a face mask) to 44 breaths a minute (on a Bipap). Convinced that if it was an issue the doctors would have done something, because this occured while they were in the room, I pulled the call light to get the nurse in there, but only a CNA showed up. I instructed the CNA to go get the nurse and explained why, then was pulled to the other bed to tend for my other 1:1.
This was when my ill patients family member showed up. She shook my hand and kindly talked to me about his needs. I gave her as much information as I knew about her loved one, but then stopped and looked at him. She started to ask questions to which I didn't know the answer to, and then gave her the nurses' names, the doctors names and the interns names, so she could ask them. When I explained to her my title she understood and left the room briefly. I took his respirations again and realized they weren't adequate and thought to EMT class. Airway, he was sitting upright, mouth open, he had a patent airway, Breathing, he was struggling to get adequate air in, let alone talk, but he still had Circulation. ABC. The next step would be 15 L NRB, but he was on 10 L with a BiPap, I couldn't change the O2 due to the doctors orders.
I looked to the charge nurse standing in the doorway, recieving information and talking to the family member and told her, "His respirations are irratic and at 44 breaths a minute." This was when the nurse ran to the nurses station and seconds later the room filled with doctors, nurses, x-ray tech's and phelbotomists as they began immediate care that was almost the same as a code.
As I watched all of this hustle and hubub from the corner of the 1:1 I realized something. Medicine isn't as difficult as everyone makes it out to be. You just have to go back to the Basics. My patient is fine now, and is doing better, but we needed to step away from the cool fancy projects long enough to remember the basics, because without those, we wouldn't even have a pulse.
Until next time, BSI (body substance Isolation)
At first you think they will be easy to remember;
OPQRST (onset, provocation, quality, radiation, severtiy, time),
SAMPLE (Signs and symptoms, Allergies, Medications, Pertinent Past Medical History, Last Oral Intake, Events leading up to incident),
ETA (Estimated time of arrival),
AVPU (Alert, Verbal, Painful, Unresponsive- Stimuli),
PMS (Pulse, Motor, Sensory),
JVD (Jugular Vein Distention),
ALS (Advanced Life Support),
PERRL (Pupils are Equal Round and Reactive to Light),
A&O x3 (Alert and Oriented to Person, place and time)
LOC (Level of Consiousness)
ETOH (Ethanoyl-Drinking)
SOB (Shortness of Breath)
MVA (motor-vehicle accident)
But the easiest and most important pneumonic is this; ABCDE. Airway, Breathing Circulation, Decision to Transport and Expose (Trauma).
Last night at work I had a chance to review my EMT skills and remember my basics all over again. While sitting in a 1:1 with two patients, I was taking vitals of one patient between visits from the physicans. They spoke quietly to each other and then to the fairly alert patient, and then back to each other. They preformed small medical procedures, and then left. The patient's respirations had jumped from 20 breaths a minute (10 L on a face mask) to 44 breaths a minute (on a Bipap). Convinced that if it was an issue the doctors would have done something, because this occured while they were in the room, I pulled the call light to get the nurse in there, but only a CNA showed up. I instructed the CNA to go get the nurse and explained why, then was pulled to the other bed to tend for my other 1:1.
This was when my ill patients family member showed up. She shook my hand and kindly talked to me about his needs. I gave her as much information as I knew about her loved one, but then stopped and looked at him. She started to ask questions to which I didn't know the answer to, and then gave her the nurses' names, the doctors names and the interns names, so she could ask them. When I explained to her my title she understood and left the room briefly. I took his respirations again and realized they weren't adequate and thought to EMT class. Airway, he was sitting upright, mouth open, he had a patent airway, Breathing, he was struggling to get adequate air in, let alone talk, but he still had Circulation. ABC. The next step would be 15 L NRB, but he was on 10 L with a BiPap, I couldn't change the O2 due to the doctors orders.
I looked to the charge nurse standing in the doorway, recieving information and talking to the family member and told her, "His respirations are irratic and at 44 breaths a minute." This was when the nurse ran to the nurses station and seconds later the room filled with doctors, nurses, x-ray tech's and phelbotomists as they began immediate care that was almost the same as a code.
As I watched all of this hustle and hubub from the corner of the 1:1 I realized something. Medicine isn't as difficult as everyone makes it out to be. You just have to go back to the Basics. My patient is fine now, and is doing better, but we needed to step away from the cool fancy projects long enough to remember the basics, because without those, we wouldn't even have a pulse.
Until next time, BSI (body substance Isolation)
Monday, May 18, 2009
Living my Happily Right Now
When I was a kid I lived to read, and I loved to go to the library and check out books. I hated reading all the junk in between the beginning chapter and the last one, so I would skim as much as possible so that I could read the ending. I lived for 'happily ever after's'.
When you see so many bad things happening all around you, you begin to focus on the possibilites that you will also land happily ever after, trying to make sure that you are nothing like your patients. Sometimes, it gets to be so worrysome that you forget a crucial point. "{But} at some point you start to realize your life is happening now. Not after med school, not after residency, right now. This is it. It's here. Blink and you'll miss it." (Greys 5.23)
Not too long after I started doing this I realized something about life, something that I wish I had learned long before this.
Getting older it started to dawn on me that 'happily ever after' was just a fairy tale, and that made me angry. How was it possible that happily ever afters' weren't real, when it seemed so real to me as a child? Unfortunately alot of things seemed real to me as a child, but I tucked all of this into the back of my mind and returned to living like it still exsisted.
Life got difficult and I was facing challenges I never thought would happen to me in my life, and so I reverted to reruns of Grey's Anatomy. In one episode they quoted "It doesn't matter that its not happily ever after, what matters is that its happily right now."
When you see so many bad things happening all around you, you begin to focus on the possibilites that you will also land happily ever after, trying to make sure that you are nothing like your patients. Sometimes, it gets to be so worrysome that you forget a crucial point. "{But} at some point you start to realize your life is happening now. Not after med school, not after residency, right now. This is it. It's here. Blink and you'll miss it." (Greys 5.23)I had spent so much time before these last few weeks involved in anything other than my life, and farther from happily ever after than I had thought possible. I was angry, I was stressed and more than anything I was unhappy. But then, life throws things your way that makes you realize you need to be living.
This weekend simply reinforced my belief that this is life, and this is now. Gathered around dinner tables, talking to old friends, catching up with family, events that are so simple yet happen so rarely, I have finally felt like I was living again. All this time I had convinced myself I was simply 'wasting time' until I landed my dream job, or until I found my prince charming and got married, but its so far from that. Its every morning, its every evening, its going on right now.
So I challenged myself to live my life before its too late. I wrote down my list of things I want to do, things that will make my everyday more worthwhile. Singing loudly to the radio in the car. Dancing to country music videos whenever I feel the urge. Searching for stupid jokes just so that I can laugh out loud. Watching my favorite movie, over and over until its no longer my favorite. Telling people that I care, that I miss them, before its too late. Focusing on what I find fascinating, and searching for my passions. Learning from people, even if I've never met them before that conversation.
Not too long after I started doing this I realized something about life, something that I wish I had learned long before this.Reality. It's so much more interesting than living happily ever after.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Too Damn Young
Usually my posts have a set theme, an attempt at an artistic and poetic view of medicine and a reference as to how this refers to my personal life. But today has been one of those days where even if the perfect scenario played out before me, I wouldn't be able to make it as perfect as I want. So I figured that the next best thing would be to post my sparatic, unpoetic post anyways. Because my blog is like my life, and like everything else, it is far from perfect.
Starting next week for the duration of a few days, I have been allowed to
go into our OR's and watch an operation. I am extremely excited that they are allowing me to do this, and have since been practicing the 'scrubbing in' technique one of my night nurses taught me about. (40 times over each side of the hand, 20 times on each side of each finger, etc.) I won't be doing anything but standing, but that is amazing in and of itself and to go home that night and know I smell like surgery will make an evening that much sweeter.
However, this brings me to something I had said earlier today. Am I too damn young for this? I mean, when we see a patient having any surgery at an age younger than 50 we all say 'they are WAY too young for that operation!' Which brings me to where I am now. I'm not the patient who is 20 and having a knee replacement. I am the CNA who helps them in and out of bed, who offers advice about their operation. I am by no means their superior, I am a part of their cohort, but does that mean that I too, am too young?
After all, while most my 20-year-old friends are busy worried about their weird tan lines and how to catch that cute guy in their physics class, I am worried about when I can get into the O.R. Something that even television broadcasts as something that older adults get to do (don't be fooled with looks, even Grey's Anatomy characters are 28 + years old!).
Maybe I am too damn young for this. Then again, maybe I am a step ahead of the game, and this step ahead will further me in my life, my career and my personal growth.
Working in medicine isn't easy. It's meant to be hard for a reason. It's meant to kick your ass. All of us will admit it, but I will be the first to tell you that I have seriously contemplated my place in medicine. I have tried to get away from it. I have worked the pizza shops and the office jobs and I found myself miserable more than I was ever happy. Nights when the patients wont lay off their call lights, nights when advanced procedures are needed, nights when you don't stop running for 12 hours straight, those are the nights you swear it off. But we are medical professionals and we vowed to 'first, do no harm.' The best part about it is that we never specified who we wouldn't harm, this is not just our patients, this is ourselves. We love medicine, we love our jobs, so instead of walking off the job, we dig our heels in, hold on tight and enjoy the ride. No matter what our age, medicine will always teach us life-long lessons, and kick our asses.
Starting next week for the duration of a few days, I have been allowed to
go into our OR's and watch an operation. I am extremely excited that they are allowing me to do this, and have since been practicing the 'scrubbing in' technique one of my night nurses taught me about. (40 times over each side of the hand, 20 times on each side of each finger, etc.) I won't be doing anything but standing, but that is amazing in and of itself and to go home that night and know I smell like surgery will make an evening that much sweeter.However, this brings me to something I had said earlier today. Am I too damn young for this? I mean, when we see a patient having any surgery at an age younger than 50 we all say 'they are WAY too young for that operation!' Which brings me to where I am now. I'm not the patient who is 20 and having a knee replacement. I am the CNA who helps them in and out of bed, who offers advice about their operation. I am by no means their superior, I am a part of their cohort, but does that mean that I too, am too young?
After all, while most my 20-year-old friends are busy worried about their weird tan lines and how to catch that cute guy in their physics class, I am worried about when I can get into the O.R. Something that even television broadcasts as something that older adults get to do (don't be fooled with looks, even Grey's Anatomy characters are 28 + years old!).
Maybe I am too damn young for this. Then again, maybe I am a step ahead of the game, and this step ahead will further me in my life, my career and my personal growth.
Working in medicine isn't easy. It's meant to be hard for a reason. It's meant to kick your ass. All of us will admit it, but I will be the first to tell you that I have seriously contemplated my place in medicine. I have tried to get away from it. I have worked the pizza shops and the office jobs and I found myself miserable more than I was ever happy. Nights when the patients wont lay off their call lights, nights when advanced procedures are needed, nights when you don't stop running for 12 hours straight, those are the nights you swear it off. But we are medical professionals and we vowed to 'first, do no harm.' The best part about it is that we never specified who we wouldn't harm, this is not just our patients, this is ourselves. We love medicine, we love our jobs, so instead of walking off the job, we dig our heels in, hold on tight and enjoy the ride. No matter what our age, medicine will always teach us life-long lessons, and kick our asses.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
The Wiser Man
Growing up, my father used to always tell me, "A wise man learns from his own mistakes, but an even wiser man learns from others mistakes." During that time in my life I would simply roll my eyes and sigh, then continue on with my life.
During the last few days I have seen and done many different things that are just a typical part of everyday life. Things that most people wouldn't think twice about. However, some of these basic things just stuck out so strong in my mind, that the quote above nearly forced me to sit down and write in my blog today.
In medicine, we learn from other peoples mistakes daily. If a doctor give the wrong diagnosis, other physicians quickly fall into line to ensure that they do not also make the same mistake. If a nurse gives the wrong medications, they quickly create protocol to ensure that things are double checked. If an HCA charts the wrong set of vitals, we ensure that it is caught before the wrong care is given. Mistakes happen, but we always try harder. We try to verify we are the wiser men. However, real life is very different.
In real life, we don't always learn from others mistakes, even though we should. As a child, when my brother would say inappropriate things and got punished, I should have learned that I too, should not do that. Unfortunately as I child I had to feel the wrath of my parents in order to learn better. When it comes to family, some people make the same mistakes over, and over and over.
Human kind is meant to make mistakes. We are meant to both succeed, and fail. Its how we were born. How we were programmed. But human kind is also meant to grow. Fortunately after so many years of making mistakes, I have found that for once I have learned from others. Its a blessing and a curse, but it has made me that much smarter.
I wanted to take a moment to repeat the quote that my father had reminded me of so many times, because he was the wiser man in my life. Dad, thank you, for making sure that you taught me well, that you taught me right. I truly feel as if I have conquered a mountain in my life.
During the last few days I have seen and done many different things that are just a typical part of everyday life. Things that most people wouldn't think twice about. However, some of these basic things just stuck out so strong in my mind, that the quote above nearly forced me to sit down and write in my blog today.
In medicine, we learn from other peoples mistakes daily. If a doctor give the wrong diagnosis, other physicians quickly fall into line to ensure that they do not also make the same mistake. If a nurse gives the wrong medications, they quickly create protocol to ensure that things are double checked. If an HCA charts the wrong set of vitals, we ensure that it is caught before the wrong care is given. Mistakes happen, but we always try harder. We try to verify we are the wiser men. However, real life is very different.
In real life, we don't always learn from others mistakes, even though we should. As a child, when my brother would say inappropriate things and got punished, I should have learned that I too, should not do that. Unfortunately as I child I had to feel the wrath of my parents in order to learn better. When it comes to family, some people make the same mistakes over, and over and over.
Human kind is meant to make mistakes. We are meant to both succeed, and fail. Its how we were born. How we were programmed. But human kind is also meant to grow. Fortunately after so many years of making mistakes, I have found that for once I have learned from others. Its a blessing and a curse, but it has made me that much smarter.
I wanted to take a moment to repeat the quote that my father had reminded me of so many times, because he was the wiser man in my life. Dad, thank you, for making sure that you taught me well, that you taught me right. I truly feel as if I have conquered a mountain in my life.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Family
"Would you believe it has been almost ten years since I have seen my kids?" A patient asks me last night. "They are coming tonight, so I guess I just have to stay sick if I want to see them."
With Mothers Day being on Sunday and having family in town, and even leaving town to see Family this subject has been sitting heavy on my mind for the last few days. It seems to be all that the world wants me to focus on, with good reason.
People are really strange. When it comes to their health they either get admitted to the hospital without an illness or too far into their illness. They find ways to judge their place in life by who was able to visit them, not by who cared for them upon their arrival home. They take advantage of their loved ones, and they are oblivious as to what they can do to help.
I remember when my family has been in the hospital, and now that I work in one I really feel bad about it. I get militant, I get mean, but my family gets the care they need. The families aren't always so observant, and I have two emotions for that. Relieved- they are able to get great advice and just talk to their family, and Sad- because they are unaware of the condition their family member is really in.
I grew up with just me and my little brother, and my family made me remember it, when we had our spats, like all siblings to, I was reminded that I had to be nice to him, he was all I have. Unfortunately with my family, its true. I only have one, and we are so small that sometimes its depressing. As I am learning about life, and as I am seeing families, I see more and more people taking theirs for granted- inside and outside of the hospital.
Looking back on it and as I am seeing todays trends and society, I was raised very old fashioned. We said 'No sir, Yes Ma'am', 'Please,' and 'Thank you.' We held open doors for women, small children and the elderly. If it was something you wouldn't tell Jesus, you sure as hell wouldn't say it to your folks. But in todays day and age it seems like all of that has faded by the wayside and people don't understand the importance of their families anymore.
Over the last few months my family has expanded, not by law, not by marriage, not by childbirth, but by what I consider family. When it comes to family, its not always forced. Its finding someone who is willing to accept you and treat you like a part of their family, its finding someone who you can learn from, who you can love and have the feeling returned. Someone who will help you be the best you possible.
With Mothers Day being on Sunday and having family in town, and even leaving town to see Family this subject has been sitting heavy on my mind for the last few days. It seems to be all that the world wants me to focus on, with good reason.
People are really strange. When it comes to their health they either get admitted to the hospital without an illness or too far into their illness. They find ways to judge their place in life by who was able to visit them, not by who cared for them upon their arrival home. They take advantage of their loved ones, and they are oblivious as to what they can do to help.
I remember when my family has been in the hospital, and now that I work in one I really feel bad about it. I get militant, I get mean, but my family gets the care they need. The families aren't always so observant, and I have two emotions for that. Relieved- they are able to get great advice and just talk to their family, and Sad- because they are unaware of the condition their family member is really in.
I grew up with just me and my little brother, and my family made me remember it, when we had our spats, like all siblings to, I was reminded that I had to be nice to him, he was all I have. Unfortunately with my family, its true. I only have one, and we are so small that sometimes its depressing. As I am learning about life, and as I am seeing families, I see more and more people taking theirs for granted- inside and outside of the hospital.
Looking back on it and as I am seeing todays trends and society, I was raised very old fashioned. We said 'No sir, Yes Ma'am', 'Please,' and 'Thank you.' We held open doors for women, small children and the elderly. If it was something you wouldn't tell Jesus, you sure as hell wouldn't say it to your folks. But in todays day and age it seems like all of that has faded by the wayside and people don't understand the importance of their families anymore.
Over the last few months my family has expanded, not by law, not by marriage, not by childbirth, but by what I consider family. When it comes to family, its not always forced. Its finding someone who is willing to accept you and treat you like a part of their family, its finding someone who you can learn from, who you can love and have the feeling returned. Someone who will help you be the best you possible.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Life & Death (The Full Circle)
This week has been a rush of emotions, but it has given me the chance to focus on two big points.
Life & Death
On Sunday we took a big trip to see a little baby be blessed. I love taking the trip we did, not only because my family is there, but because my family comes from a small town in Idaho, and I absolutley adore small towns. Having lived in both areas, big cities and little towns, I have come to embrace the perfection of a small town. Sure, it has its flaws, but the reasons for loving it included what we saw in sacrament meeting- people actually loved each other. People genuinely cared for one another. The drive was a long one, and the rain patted down on the window, the passengers were quiet, and I got to spend quality time with the two people I love more than anything, my Bubbas. (Bubba J, or Jeremy is my boyfriend and Bubba Kanoosh is Nick, my little brother.) It was definitley an experience I loved to have, and as I drove, I had the time to think about life, and about how blessed I am to have what I do.
After the blessing there was a small lunch party where we got to see mom and baby Kayla. I love this side of the family, and I envy Lindsey, I am young and she makes me look so old compared to her. She is definitley not the typical Idaho gal. We visited with the family and we all had turns holding the cute little peanut. When my turn came I started to think about the beauty of it all, of lif
The whole day the rain had been pouring and the roads weren't the best, but still it was a beautiful drive and Jeremy (who was the designated photographer for me) was constantly taking photos. Everything was beautiful and left me feeling refeshed and inspired.
However, it wasn't too long before I had to return to my life, and thats when things got difficult.
Monday is my secondary unit at work. When it comes to work, Tues, Thurs-Friday are all my 'Grey's Anatomy' units. Monday is my 'House' unit, and as much as it is interesting, I was nowhere near ready for what was thrown at me. I guess thats how you learn though, by never being ready.
First off, I was supposed to still be orienting with a light patient load, but they didn't have enough staff so I was on my own for doing basic patient care of my own patients, like a regular aide. I had to keep asking for help because I was called to different units, different floors and different areas of the hospital to help assist with my patients, but being new, I still had no idea where everything was.
I was asked to go three floors down to assist a patient with some basic needs. The tech's could have done it, but instead called us. When I laid eyes on my patient I knew that something was wrong, but all I felt was compassion. I felt like there was something that needed my attention, but there was other people in the room, including doctors, and I assumed that they would catch if anything was wrong.
45 minutes later I walked past the nurses station by chance to hear one nurse tell the other that my patient had passed. My stomach fell, my heart raced and my mind stopped. I had only ever lost one patient that I was aware of, and I had no idea what to do now.
Post-mortem care is by far the hardest thing I have to do in my job. When you work in a long-term facility, you get to know your patients extremely well, so doing it in a hospital is alot different than in a care center. However, a hospital is alot harder of a place to do it in. In a care center, they don't ask you to 'tag'em and bag'em.' Not only had I worked with this patient for three weeks, but I had to do the post-mortem care. Being fresh out of orientation I was scared and called in an aide to help me out with it. They did me one better and had the nursing intern helping me.
On any given night I work myself tired and so I eat alot on breaks. But Monday, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I rode the elevator out to the parking garage and sat there, thinking about what I had seen in the last few days. As a person I am inspired, always looking for the bright side of life, and on Sunday I was an Izzie, but on Monday I quickly became a Meredith.
Its Wednesday and this week and all the emotions have definitley messed with my mind, however it has given me more knowledge and more strength to keep doing the job I do. It has reminded me that my job is all about life, and with it comes death.
Life & Death
On Sunday we took a big trip to see a little baby be blessed. I love taking the trip we did, not only because my family is there, but because my family comes from a small town in Idaho, and I absolutley adore small towns. Having lived in both areas, big cities and little towns, I have come to embrace the perfection of a small town. Sure, it has its flaws, but the reasons for loving it included what we saw in sacrament meeting- people actually loved each other. People genuinely cared for one another. The drive was a long one, and the rain patted down on the window, the passengers were quiet, and I got to spend quality time with the two people I love more than anything, my Bubbas. (Bubba J, or Jeremy is my boyfriend and Bubba Kanoosh is Nick, my little brother.) It was definitley an experience I loved to have, and as I drove, I had the time to think about life, and about how blessed I am to have what I do.
After the blessing there was a small lunch party where we got to see mom and baby Kayla. I love this side of the family, and I envy Lindsey, I am young and she makes me look so old compared to her. She is definitley not the typical Idaho gal. We visited with the family and we all had turns holding the cute little peanut. When my turn came I started to think about the beauty of it all, of lif
The whole day the rain had been pouring and the roads weren't the best, but still it was a beautiful drive and Jeremy (who was the designated photographer for me) was constantly taking photos. Everything was beautiful and left me feeling refeshed and inspired.
However, it wasn't too long before I had to return to my life, and thats when things got difficult.
Monday is my secondary unit at work. When it comes to work, Tues, Thurs-Friday are all my 'Grey's Anatomy' units. Monday is my 'House' unit, and as much as it is interesting, I was nowhere near ready for what was thrown at me. I guess thats how you learn though, by never being ready.
First off, I was supposed to still be orienting with a light patient load, but they didn't have enough staff so I was on my own for doing basic patient care of my own patients, like a regular aide. I had to keep asking for help because I was called to different units, different floors and different areas of the hospital to help assist with my patients, but being new, I still had no idea where everything was.
I was asked to go three floors down to assist a patient with some basic needs. The tech's could have done it, but instead called us. When I laid eyes on my patient I knew that something was wrong, but all I felt was compassion. I felt like there was something that needed my attention, but there was other people in the room, including doctors, and I assumed that they would catch if anything was wrong.
45 minutes later I walked past the nurses station by chance to hear one nurse tell the other that my patient had passed. My stomach fell, my heart raced and my mind stopped. I had only ever lost one patient that I was aware of, and I had no idea what to do now.
Post-mortem care is by far the hardest thing I have to do in my job. When you work in a long-term facility, you get to know your patients extremely well, so doing it in a hospital is alot different than in a care center. However, a hospital is alot harder of a place to do it in. In a care center, they don't ask you to 'tag'em and bag'em.' Not only had I worked with this patient for three weeks, but I had to do the post-mortem care. Being fresh out of orientation I was scared and called in an aide to help me out with it. They did me one better and had the nursing intern helping me.
On any given night I work myself tired and so I eat alot on breaks. But Monday, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I rode the elevator out to the parking garage and sat there, thinking about what I had seen in the last few days. As a person I am inspired, always looking for the bright side of life, and on Sunday I was an Izzie, but on Monday I quickly became a Meredith.
Its Wednesday and this week and all the emotions have definitley messed with my mind, however it has given me more knowledge and more strength to keep doing the job I do. It has reminded me that my job is all about life, and with it comes death.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Dreaming of a Bright Future
Around my neck hangs a stethoscope. It is simple, black and has a double sided head, one for adults, the other for peds. It is such a simple tool, with a single purpose. However, that stethoscope makes my whole job that much easier, and I couldn't function without it. I am like that stethoscope. My job is simple, with a single purpose, saving lives.
At night the PACU (Post-Anestethic Care Unit) closes down and I find myself wandering the small unit in hopes of finding late-night inspiration while my patients sleep. I study the tools and the odds and ends. I check out the EKG monitors and the respiratory tools. Sometimes I even peek into the OR's, and just look at what an awe-inspiring place it really is.
I have this dream of who I will be one day. After all the curses of youth wear away and I achieve all my dreams, I dream that I will be an exceptional ER/Trauma Nurse. I dream of being a flight medic, of simply being great. PACU reminds me of an ER, so I wander there, staring into the empty room and playing out senarios in my mind of who I will be when I get there.
"Looks like V-Fib!" I yell to the doctor as we rush a patient from the ambulance to the nearest trauma room. The doctor puts on his gloves and runs into the room to help me attach the patient to the EKG and we watch as it begins to read V-Fib.
"We need to shock him." The doctor determines. "Charge the paddles to 300." He yells and I turn on the defibrillator and set it to 300 jules.
"Clear!" The doctor yells and we all stand back, hands up as he presses the paddles to the patients chest. All eyes are on the heart monitor as the rhythm stays in V-fib. The doctor looks up and then to the patient. "Damnit. We need to shock again- charge to 300!"
Again I charge the defibrillator and we watch as the doctor presses the paddles to the patients chest, however this time we smile as we see the heart rhythmn return to normal sinus rhythm.
"Good work staff." The doctor says, smiling at his team. "We just saved a life."
Again I charge the defibrillator and we watch as the doctor presses the paddles to the patients chest, however this time we smile as we see the heart rhythmn return to normal sinus rhythm.
"Good work staff." The doctor says, smiling at his team. "We just saved a life."
A call light awakens me from my day dream and I run down the hall to help assist my patient with their needs, and suddenly I realize that I am living a dream I had once upon a time about myself. I dreamed about working for a big-name hospital in a big city, where I could do all the things i had been taught and then some. Where the nurses wanted to work with me and I could become something more when I was ready to grow. 
As I sit down at the nurses station and begin to write this, I realize that I am pretty damn inspired considering the job I do, and I take a moment to think. All my life had been go, go, go and I lived in fast forward to get to my dreams.
But I think my nurse was right. I needed to slow down, to experience what I am doing, learn everything I can and then move on. "Dani, you are young. Your apparently smart because the youngest person here besides you is 26. You have alot you can learn here, so learn everything you can and wait for yourself to be ready to achieve your dreams."
I have alot of dreams for myself. In my career I have this vision of me in green ER scrubs with blood stains on my uniform and no time to do my hair. In my life I have this fantasy of this amazing family I will have and an amazing mother I will be. In my schooling I have this dream of an amazing GPA and honors in my classes. But in reality, I have this realization of who I am. And I can handle that for now. I have alot to learn in the meantime, and great mentors who are willing to teach me everything they can until then.
Hanging up the stethoscope again I realize that the simplicity and the experiences I am taking are for the best. After all, the best nurses are the ones who have been nurses for a long time. They are the ones who know what they are doing. So in order for me to be the best, to be great, I have to be me for a little while longer.
I can handle that.
I can handle that.
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