My Personal Anthem (2009)

Its New Years Eve.
I'm not going to make any resolutions, I'm not going to make any promises for myself because this year is the year that is going to change my life. I'm going back to work in February with a healed shoulder and a rested body- something I haven't been able to work with in a medical career EVER. I'm getting married this spring- to the love of my life and an incredible man. We're going to be getting our own place, and having all the adventures in between. I'll be eligible to go to Paramedic school in the fall- and I am able to work as an EMT come April. This year will be the year that changes everything- but I needed a bridge to get to that year- and that was 2009.

I learned alot this year- I learned things that will forever help me be a better person.

I learned to love. After feeling immense heartbreak, disaster, and emptiness this year has taught me how to love, and how to feel loved in return. I learned that its okay to get a kiss in public and that getting smacked on the ass isn't always a sexual thing. I learned how to fall asleep in someones arms, and how to laugh until I cry.

I learned how to feel peace when there isn't any. When a patient is dying in front of your eyes, when your family is falling apart, when your life is hanging by a thread- I learned how to discover peace of mind.

I learned how to let my guard down- to be okay with my emotions, to embrace the fact that I am like everyone else, I am human- and that I am not alone with my feelings. I learned how to laugh until it hurt, and how to cry on someones shoulder. I discovered that I could actually write about my feelings, and that I wasn't going to hell because of it.

I learned that the best people to listen to and seek advice from are the people who know you well enough yet are far enough away from your life. I came to realize that Nurse P was right about all the friend dramas after all- Bubba and I did meet new friends through police and EMS, there is no drama and we are completely happy. Nurse J was right as well- its not happily ever after, it is happily right now.

I learned that it doesn't matter what your told to believe- its what you learn from life's lessons to believe. You don't have to be perfect- you don't need to even embrace everything everyone else wants you to - you need to learn for yourself and come to your own terms.

I learned that despite everyones attempts to bring me down- and that despite all the shit that has happened to me that I am okay after all. I'm not perfect by any means, but I am Dani. I am a CNA, an EMT. I deal with life- whether I'm dealing with it or saving it. I like dancing in my underwear, and singing in the shower. I drink too much caffeine and can't keep my meals in order. I'm bad at computers and can't cut correctly with scissors.

But that's all okay. Because I've learned better.
And I can live with that being my accomplishment for 2009.

Road Trip

The moon hung in the sky, as if it was placed there by god. I followed it with my eyes as we drove, my face pressed against the back seat, simply watching the world as we passed it by. Buildings were lit by only exit signs and their parking lots were iced over. It felt as if we were the only ones left awake in this sleepy town- but this adventure was just beginning.

The further we got out of town the less we saw. Before too long we were only passing refineries every few miles and then suddenly there was nothing. My thoughts drifted away and finally it was just me, the road and the night.

Before too long the radio quit and we sat quietly, every so often mentioning stories from our jobs, from our lives. My friend Steve took the front seat, every so often mentioning a flight call he took from his time in Iraq. Bubba would reply with a story from the Police Academy. Finally, I would share my story- and silence would follow. The road continued on from beneath the tires- and if was as if we were dropping those worries out as we shared them.

It was two hours that passed in no time. Before we knew it the lights from our destination sparkled into the night sky and gave us a glimpse of hope. A smile spread across my face and the boys cracked jokes again- it was like the city brought us back to life.

Unfortunately we missed our exit and fear hung over us again as we read the sign 'Next exit, 58 miles - No Services.' We were running out of energy, out of gas and out of patience. Luckily there was an exit two miles out and we were able to flip around.

"What city is this?" Bubba asked playfully. There was no city to be seen- just darkness all around us.

"It doesn't matter what city this is." Steve replied. "Its like frickin North Las Vegas- no one wants to go there!"

We finally got to our destination and to our purpose- food. Sitting down at a table I smiled and simply enjoyed the moment. We had actually made it this far and were actually having alot of fun. Stories were shared about random things, jokes were made, I ooohed and ahhhed at the neon. Bubba even had an experience about a dancing man at the urinals (this made me laugh my butt off for quite some time).

Finally the restaurant was closing down and we were asked to leave. The food was long gone and the complimentary bread they kept bringing was getting downed. Our drink glasses were empty, and we were exhausted.

As we stopped to fill up on gas the boys crawled out of the truck and both began to giggle. Confused I sat there- not wanting to get out to see why. As Steve returned to the truck while it pumped he informed me it was puke. After a few moments Bubba returned with drinks and told me that it was puke that had been ran over. I rolled my eyes.

Boys.

A few moments later Bubba replied with 'if you would've given me a few minutes I could've identified the tires by the tire tread. Steve agreed and felt the need to inform me that it was the 'good kind' of vomit. Does that even exist? In all my years of holding emesis basins and cleaning up messes I never knew this.

The conversations never stopped on the way back. Before too long all of our phones died and the radio still didn't find a station. I smiled- this was the way a road trip should be. We cracked open our energy drinks and began to pound them down. We even hit pretty decent fog- and Steve showed off his skills as he whispered to himself distances, he had the vehicles around us memorized and their distances. Bubba assisted him with speeds and our speeds- and we made it through the thick patches alive.

As we finally pulled into the driveway we shivered into the cold 3-degrees that decided to follow us home. I had to be practically carried into bed- and passed out immediately- with a smile on my face.

Its good times like that- where you have your friends and your piece of mind - that you will remember forever.

Goodies! Prizes! Fun!

I am excited to announce that on January 1st, 2010 Medic Dani's (also known as Dani's Anatomy) will be having its first ever contest!

Here is how to play:

Each day during the month of January send in an e-mail to emtdani@hotmail.com. Include your name and e-mail address that you check often. As each e-mail comes in I will place the information into a drawing jar- on the last day of the month I will set a time to draw the winner's name, and announce it! (If you don't want your name announced on twitter or blogger please include a alias to refer to you by.)
The prize is a one-of-a-kind EMS t-shirt!

Get ready to play guys- because on January first- its game on!

You Might Be Marrying a Medic If... (By Officer Bubba)

My name is Officer Bubba. I'm Medic Dani's fiancee. I'm today's guest author and the first one to be at that. This is the topic I choose and a very fitting topic- because from what I can see is that she isn't the only one that does these crazy, fun, kooky, entertaining things that are unique to being a medic or even some one in the medical profession. I hope you enjoy the read and get a great kick out of it and maybe even have some of your own you could share.
Thanks for taking the time and don't be afraid to make fun of her either.

Us men have it difficult enough to figure out women. I have it the worst- I have to figure out a female medic. Not only does she have the normal traits of a typical woman she also has the quirks of the medical professionals. Neither come with hints that are easy to pick up on.

Let me tell you of some of the things I have had to live with...

You might be marrying a medic if she cleans out her wallet and there are more alcohol prep pads than ones.

You might be marrying a medic if she has socks with skulls on them and still insists on mismatching them- even though no one ever sees them.

You might be marrying a medic if all Christmas presents from her were wrapped in IV tape.

You might be marrying a medic if 10cc saliene syringes, shaving cream and a bathtub is a baby sitting event.

You might be marrying a medic if the sternal rub is used as a wake-up call when a "good morning" would suffice.

You might be marrying a medic if she has more photos of ambulances, fire trucks and cop cars scattered around than of her family and friends.

You might be marrying a medic if a siren has gone off in your bedroom at two a.m.

You might be marrying a medic if you've ever watched her eat an orange with trauma shears.

You might be marrying a medic if you've ever gone on a date that ended up in finding fire stations.

You might be marrying a medic when you go on a date and by the end of the night your clothes have been cut off of you.

You might be marrying a medic if your date night includes a scene size up.

You might be marrying a medic if her diet consists of Hershey kisses and a taco shell.

You might be marrying a medic when every time you pass or see a ambulance or fire truck she gives them the rock and roll hand gesture.

You might be marrying a medic when your at wal-mart and you make a special trip over to the scrubs just to check them out.

You might be marrying a medic when she says lets see if we can get married in a fire house or on the back of a fire truck, and is serious.

You might be marrying a medic when your told your not going to be able to pick the colors of the room(red, blue, and white) but told that your going to paint it that way.

You're okay with marrying a medic because you know that you'll sleep safe at night, and never stop laughing at the antics.
I'm sure this post will come with a sequel directed at me, and I look forward to it.

Social Networking.

Hey everyone- I PROMISE a real blog post is coming- but until then I wanted to let everyone know about the social networking I am a part of!

Facebook as a fan page for Medic Dani- check it out and become a fan!

I am also on Twitter under username EMTDani, and I tweet alot. (Also I am one follower away from my 100th follower- will it be you?)

Wanna chat? You can IM me on emtdani@hotmail.com or on skype under username MedicDani.

Until then readers- BSI-

XOXO-D

Tear Stained Cheeks

The drive home was quiet. My phone had died and I couldn't call for help, even if I wanted to. There was no need for the radio- my thoughts said too much and I craved silence. I didn't bother emptying out my pockets before leaving work, and my equipment jammed into my leg. My badge was positioned funny and jammed itself into my breast. I didn't care about either of them.

My mind went to the long talks with my buddy Travis, about how stupid patients are. "If you are going to cut, go down the river, never across the street!" He would always exclaim, shaking his head and laughing. As I pulled my car up to a red light, I looked to my wrist and studied the sting from the wound by the glow of the street light.

I felt enlightened as suddenly I realized patients aren't stupid after all- they don't want to die-they are trying to cure the pain.
_

Charlotte was the sweetest woman I have ever known. She had long grey hair and big blue eyes, and even at 94 she loved to whistle- or at least, try to. While I worked a long-term care facility I was always assigned to be her aide- and I was just fine with it. Her son came to visit her every night- he was a big, strong, teddy bear. Before too long we became friends, and I became family.

I quit the care center not long after I turned 18, but I still went to visit Charlotte often. One night after about two months I got a phone call from her son. He was crying. He asked why I hadn't been at his mothers funeral.

Words couldn't fix what had happened and tears formed in my eyes. I sniffed softly and we stayed on the phone with each other. We didn't say a thing, we just sat until the other hung up. I haven't seen nor heard from him since, but I think of him every day.
__

I've had roughly 700 patients in my care alone this year. That does not count the patients that I shared with other aides or the ones that didn't require much care. Out of those people, 22 of them have lost their lives. In my opinion, that is far too many.

Susan died alone, her family nowhere to be found or contacted, at the age of 73.

Frank died while getting Dialysis. He told me he was going to die three minutes before he did. The doctors were too late and he couldn't be revived. He was 56 and top of the list for a transplant.

Johnathan died of Leukemia after two long years of treatment. He was 8.

Maya died of heart problems after staying in the hospital for 6 months. It was sudden and unexpected. She was 32 with two young children.

Do people seriously wonder why we struggle with depression? Why we crack twisted jokes? Our jobs are amazing, but don't kid yourself, it's the hardest job in the world to do.
__

I wish I was lucky enough to say these last 20 years were easy on me. More than anything I wish I could admit how high school was a breeze full of only good times and that the cops were only involved when it was funny.

I wish I could say that things were always amazing and wonderful- that I'm not a 19-year-old divorcee, or a girl who had to re-invent herself three times just to keep her head above water. I wish that I was lucky enough to say that I made it through all that hell with a smile on my face.
But I've been beaten bloody over all of it.
__

Hot tears stained my cheeks, goosebumps covered my body. I sat on the floor in an empty patient room, hiding. I stared at my wrist in shock, in disbelief. I couldn't believe I had done it, but there they were, two cuts. My mouth fell open and I stared helplessly at it; what had I just done? That wasn't me, I was the professional, not the patient. Scared, and shaking I placed a gauze pad to my wrist and dabbed away the blood.

As I sat there I felt it-the realization of it. Just moments before my world was crashing, my pain was out of control and I could hardly breathe. Nothing could help the pain and all I could think about was wanting real pain. Suddenly the emotional pain had disappeared and the physical pain was all I could feel. I sniffed softly and touched the cuts, suddenly I felt like I could make it. The physical pain was nothing in comparison.
Finally, I understood.
___

Two days after the first incident and I still hadn't taken off my leather wristband. My cut was covered in neosporin and topped with gauze and a tegederm, then nicely hidden for the world to never see. After a long shift at the medical unit I collapsed into my car and sat there numbly. After thirty minutes of debating I turned on my car and called Travis.

It took everything I had to even tell him the truth- that I was calling for help, for advice. And once I said it, I regretted it. Surprisingly, he shocked me. "Let's talk about it." He said. "And lets start off with why you're calling me about it."

I waited for the typical 'cutting is a cry for help, or attention' line, but it never came. Instead comments like 'your not stupid, nor incapable, your human' came up. By the time I got home I felt better and a plan was in place. From that point forward I was no longer allowed to keep my feelings bottled in. I was to carry tissues everywhere and try to let my emotions out (where appropriate). I was to call either him or my fiancee and get it out there- to avoid that unbelievable emotional pain at all costs.

Two people were on my side. And for me, that was enough.
__

By no means am I to say that my depression is cured.
It is on hiatus while I am here at home recovering. The cold weather, the snow, the trips up to work remind me of what may be waiting for me once I do return. It scares me shitless.

But I have to talk about it, I have to face the facts. I need to tackle this son of a bitch and figure out what causes it to think it can control me. And then I need to take control all over again. It's a long, hard, miserable battle that will drive me to insanity, if it hasn't already.

No one would've known if I hadn't told them how bad it was. Sure, my fiancee knows I have crappy shifts. He knows there are nights I come home and cry myself to sleep. There are days that breathing the next breath seems impossible by all odds, but I seemingly pulled through. If I wouldnt've said anything it would've been my secret, and all they would've seen was tear stained cheeks.

Pho-Pho-Pho-Photos!

On each photo (click to enlarge) I have a discription of what on earth your looking at. It's pretty gnarly stuff and I am so stoked to have figured out the scanner! Enjoy looking at my insides!

Please Excuse Our Dust

In an attempt to brighten up the blog, I made a big boo boo and don't believe the blog will be itself for a little while. Please bear with me while I attempt to fix this error.

A Shoutout to EMS Chick

http://emschick9.blogspot.com writes its BLS, not BS.

She is one of my favorite authors in the EMS Blogosphere. She is funny, witty, honest, and her posts will either make you giggle or make you cry. Check her blog out and add her to your blogrolls if you haven't already. She's well worth the read.

Oh, and EMS Chick- if you're reading this- Thanks for being my first mediblogger friend!

Keep it up!

If you have time to burn...

Then you should check out these sites!

First off, lets start out with one of my personal favorites; http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

This site is dedicated to 'wal-creatures' meaning people that dress completely and totally bizarre and make us laugh. It's cruel- but funny. And sadly, I like that kind of stuff.



I found this site yesterday thanks to one of my readers! http://www.streetanatomy.com/
This site is weird, let me put it to you that way, and it has alot of cool stuff tied into it. The photo (seen left) was pulled from it. The photo itself is of Chinese organ donation. This site features artwork, medical photography and even clothing- check it out, it's really cool!

The next site that I absolutely love is www.autocompleteme.com. It's a funny google search site that features funny searches seen on google. Some of the photos have been shown on other sites, but are finally all together in one location for your viewing pleasure.

One of my personal favorites is www.textsfromlastnight.com. It's hilarious. The slogan is 'remember that text you shouldn't've sent? We do.' It features text messages sent by people around the world. You can even search your area code and state to see the madness that occurs around you. Being a medical professional it's even more hilarious! Enjoy it!

Everyone hates family photos. Everyone thinks they look bad in family portraits. Think again! At www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com you can see what others family photos look like and feel better about yourself instantly! They feature the bad, the worst, and the ugliest things imaginable!

Any other great sites out there that I missed? Send me a comment and let me know- suggestions are always welcome!

Update: A Shocking PT Session!

I LOVE going to PT. The surgeon seems amused at how well I am doing this quickly- which I contribute to my age and my fiancee harassing me to not overdo it. The best part is when the PT tells me to relax my arm, then he picks it up, cradles it against his chest and then stretches it out, watching his face as he expects a stiff shoulder and finds a very nice shoulder is a good thing. They seem to be very pleased. I don't need any more PT unless prescribed by the surgeon- which he just may not do at all seeing how the last two weeks have been.

My limits (as set by the surgeon) are 0-90 degrees in front of me, circles as my arm dangles (generally I lean onto a table or over a chair) and rotating my arm towards and away from my body. I look like a rock-em-sock-em robot. Today we got to 110 degrees before I even asked how far out we got. My PT just laughed and shook his head, Bubba is convinced he was shocked.


I was asked a lot today about the pain and what I was feeling. I was honest with my PT, even though the boys didn't believe it. Little to no pain, however I did have a ton of tightness in the shoulder socket. The pain that I did have was a knot by my neck. Knowing it was from my brace I let the PT know, however after some rubbing and poking he determined it needed to be looser. "Want some shock therapy?" He asked.

My mind pictured an electric chair and my eyes got wide. Bubba burst out laughing and they both quickly explained to me what it was.
"Sure." I replied, figuring that whatever it was, it couldn't hurt too bad. He's only a PT after all.

He hooked me up to the machine (pictured above) and placed somewhere between 4-5 patches (seen to the left) on my shoulder, neck and back where the pain was. He turned on the machine and turned the 'pins and needles' feeling up until it almost hurt. He then placed a heat pack behind my shoulder and told me to relax for the next 15 minutes.

Let me tell you, it was heavenly. I laid back and closed my eyes, nearly falling asleep. Before I knew it the 15 minutes were up and they came in to disconnect me from it. The PT laughed as I asked him for more time on it- or to even take it home. He denied my request but told me that heating pads work. (I'm a chick, of course I know heating pads work!)

Since then I haven't needed pain meds. I am now two hours overdue and excited to see that the pain is gone. If anyone has the ability to have electrical therapy done, I highly recommend it- its very, very nice.

Meaningful Music

My mother has played piano my whole life for our church. My father is a music junkie and has great taste- raising us on everything from Ozzy to the Osmond's, from the Hootie and the Blowfish to Van Halen. My grandmother was an Opera singer for years and years. Music is a major part of my life.

My drive to work is anywhere from 30-45 minutes. It's a rather long drive and I pass 7 other hospitals on the way just to get to the best one in the state. As I drive I listen to a play list titled 'Ultimate EMT Play list.' Knowing that we always need inspiration I thought it would be best to share what inspires me and why.

I hope you take the time to listen to each song if you haven't already. All the music can be listened to for free on www.playlist.com or purchased on Itunes.

How to Save a Life - The Piano Tribute Players

Anyone who has heard the original version of this song done by 'The Fray' knows why this song is a favorite and the first on the list. This version is done completely on piano and has even more emotion. This is the first song I hear when I get in the car, it helps me feel stronger. It's a longer track, but it is completely worth it.

Sky - Joshua Radin

This was a song I found in a closing scene of Grey's Anatomy- after a long hard day and loosing patients the characters still had their family, friends and colleagues. The lyrics remind me that whatever happens, I'll have people there at the end of the night. Whether it be my fiance who I can call and vent to, whether it be the nurses who will offer a shoulder to cry on or my readers, who help, simply by arriving on the blog.

Broken (Original Version) - Lifehouse

There are two versions of this song- the new/radio version is much more popular but has little to none of the emotion that this version has. I have both and prefer this one when using it as an EMT song. The tone of the song and the way they created the music to collide with the lyrics is beautiful- and the lyrics are so powerful and have brought tears to my eyes many nights.

'I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing.
With a broken heart, that's still beating.
In the pain, There is healing.
In your name, I find meaning.
So I'm holding on (I'm holding on)
Barely holding on to you...
I'm hanging on another day,
Just to see what you will throw my way...
You said that I will, will be okay.
The broken light on the freeway, left me here alone.
I may have lost my way now,
Haven't forgotten my way home.'

Never Let Go - Bryan Adams

This song was played for me by my first partner the day before my grandfather and my best friend died. It was supposed to simply inspire me for state competition- but instead this song changed my world. If you recognize this song, its most likely because this is the song from the movie, 'The Guardian'. It's the most fitting song for medical professionals- and the lyrics say it all.

'Can you lay your life down, so a stranger can live?
Can you take what you need, but take less than you give?
Could you close every day without the glory and fame?
Could you hold your head high, when no one knows your name?
That's how legends are made, at least that's what they say.
We say goodbye, but never let go. We live, we die, Cause we can't save every soul.
Gotta take every chance to, show that your the kind of man who
Will never look back, never look down, never let go.'

Into the Fire - Thirteen Senses

This is another Grey's song- it is played in the first episode of the series. As Meredith Grey scrubs into surgery she says 'I can quit. I can think of 1,000 reasons to quit and not one reason to stay, but here's the thing- I love the rush.' When I took an EMS refresher course I played this song before every test and I felt unstoppable. This is a strong song, and I encourage all of you to watch that first episode just for this song alone so that you can get the full feeling to it.

Life is Beautiful - Vega 4

Are you shocked to know this is another Grey's song? The writers of this show have done an excellent job in choosing music. In this episode (Season 3) a patient burned herself on purpose to avoid taking a test and it was up to Izzie to tell her to ask for help. The patient freaked out, yelling 'I'm not crazy!' To which Izzie replies 'No, your not, but you need help. You need someone to help take care of you.' This song was also used as a commercial for 'My Sisters Keeper'. This song also has such amazing lyrics- even if the song is exceptionally long!

'Life is beautiful. We love until we die...
Life is beautiful but its complicated. We barely make it.
We don't need to understand, there are miracles, miracles.
Yeah, Life is beautiful, our hearts they beat and break...
It's amazing where I'm standing, there's a lot that we can give.
This is ours just for a moment, There's alot that we can give.'

Breathe (2 AM) - Anna Nalick

One night I drove home from the hospital- tears burning my cheeks as they fell. I sniffed and whimpered and drove, fighting to just get some music on to distract me. Work had been that bad- and I don't remember why- but I do remember hearing these lyrics and feeling the emotion and the lyrics' truth.

'Cause you can't jump the tracks, we're like cars on the cable.
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And Breathe...Just Breathe.'

Shine Your Light - Robbie Robertson

I'm sure all of you have heard this song, if not- you best get to it. This song was on 'Ladder 49' in the closing scene- and made me bawl like a baby the first time I heard it. I absolutely love this song and on my weird shifts I love driving home to this song, looking up to the stars and simply absorbing the music. This song is definitely one all medical professionals need to hear.

'The cry of the city, like a sirens song,
Wailing over the rooftops the whole night long,
Saw a shooting star, like a diamond in the sky,
Must be someones soul, passing by...
Shine your light, Down on Me,
Lift me up, So I can see, (Ooh)
Shine your light, When your gone,
Give me the strength to Carry on, (Carry on).'

Where I Stood - Missy Higgins

Only one episode of Grey's Anatomy has ever made me cry- and that was in Season 4 when two ambulances collided and left two paramedics hanging upside down. They knew one of them wasn't going to make it and they called his wife. As his wife came to see her dying husband Meredith looks at the Chief and he tells her ' That's the job.' She sighs and repeats it. He places his hands on her hips and tells her, 'That's the job. This day, this day you feel helpless. This day makes all those other days where you fight to save a life and loose. You take it in.'

Kristy, Are you doing OK? - The Offspring

Life was tough, it was cold and icy. January. School was unforgiving and life was even more unbearable. I had no place to live and my car was breaking down. As I pulled into the school parking lot I paused and listened to the radio when this song came on. I felt like The Offspring were talking to me with their short chorus. Two weeks later I found a place, got a second job and fixed my beat up old car- it's the song I play on my bad days when I need that pick-me-up.

'Can you stay strong, Can you go on?
Kristy, Are you doing OK?
A rose that won't bloom, Winter's kept you,
Don't waste your whole life trying,
To get back whats been taken away.'

Address in the Stars - Caitlin and Will

Anyone who has lost someone will be touched by this song. This song has almost nothing to do with EMS, but at the same time everything to do with it. To do this job we have to believe in something. We have to have some sort of faith and this song is the one that helps me remember my beliefs, my faiths and my understandings of the unknown.
It's a song about being left behind after someone you love passes away. She musicians did such an amazing job vocally and on the music video. It's a beautiful song that I hope you all take a moment to listen to- with tissues! I cry almost every time!

How to Save a Life - The Fray

My play list ends the way it begins- with the same song but with lyrics. The Fray does such a great job with their vocals on this song and adds so much inspiration and emotion. By this point I am sitting in the parking lot at work, staring at the building. As I pack up my belongings I smile, because I know 'how to save a life.'

'Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.
Somewhere alone in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.'

Rest and Relaxation

We go into medicine because we have a drive to help people. Whether it be clinical or personal we like people, we want to fix people, we want to make a difference. We choose our field depending on the level of help we want to give. Surgeons want to be god but not have to deal with the people problems, they are glorified mechanics. Nurses like to help people, and all willing to deal with any and all of the shit thats thrown their way- patients are worth it.

Problem is that we are far too busy fixing others that we take a moment to fix ourselves. We don't eat well, sleep well or exercise as often as we need to. We eat junk food and take hour long naps instead of a decent nights sleep. Our bodies learn to adapt, but we wear down quicker- before we know it, we are the patient.

Being the patient isn't as bad as we make it out to be. There isn't much to do, and any medical professional will be the first to tell you that it gets old quick. You take your meds, read, eat, potty, and sleep. Movies and television become a bore, and errands seem fun for the first time in years, because its something to do. But during all the boring crap and tedious tasks you finally get to rest.

We need the rest. We need the time to recuperate. We need to care for ourselves so we can fully help others and be the healers we want to be.

During all of this I have been pushing it. I have been folding clothes when I shouldn't be, moving large boxes and trying so hard to be productive. During times when I am not in recovery from a shoulder surgery I am a hard-working non-stop go-getter, so lying on my butt all day watching Scrubs and playing Halo 3 is killing me. As I lay there, resting I see the piles of laundry and sit there, wanting to do it, so I do. I know I shouldn't- I totally know I shouldn't- but I don't feel like I should rest like I need to- its foreign to me.

Finally I got a chewing out to end all chewing outs by my fiance. I had kicked around a heavy box that held a safe and got it set up. I didn't use my left arm at all, but it still was way too heavy for me. That day I had also done some laundry and cleaned up the apartment- and that night I lay in tears from the terrible pain. I knew i overdid it so I kept quiet- I did this to myself after all.

"NO!" He said as I tried to move a laundry basket. I crawled into bed and sighed, feeling useless yet again. Luckily, Bubba is very helpful and doesn't complain about helping me out. He opens all the doors, carries anything that needs to be carried and even helps me get my seatbelt on in the car (if you saw the size of my brace you would understand- I can't see two feet in front of me because of it!). He sat down next to me, wrapping his arms around me. "Dani." He started. "You need to rest. You need to relax. This is your time to heal- and you can't screw that up." I sighed- he was right but I didn't want to admit it. "I have no issues taking care of you, so please, just let me."

So I'm trying to do the one thing I have never done before- rest. All my life I have been a stubborn Aries and that is kicking my butt now because for the first time I have to take a vacation from life. Something I have never done, and am hoping is easy for me to do- however, its not looking like it will be.

The surgical site is healing well, some of the incisions don't even look like incisions! Only two are left covered by band-aids because they have a scab on them. I am really glad to see how well they are healing and excited to get more PT done. So far I am doing really good and behaving in that sense- and I can't wait for the surgeon to 'ok' me to get back to daily life...but that won't be til January 5th!

(Luckily my friend gets home from Iraq this week and Bubba's done with the first half of school- which means at least I'll have friends to play Halo 3 with!)

Until then, I suggest we all try to rest. If working your ass off isn't enough, imagine doing it during the holidays. Let's all try to take a day off- I know it's tough, but it's something everyone needs.

Once upon a vollie.

I became a volunteer EMT at the ripe old age of 16. I worked directly under a doctor and knew abosolutely nothing at the time about emergency medicine, hospitals, ambulances, or how to treat patients. I did it to be at the bike track.

Dr. C was excellent. She taught me everything I ever needed to know about crashes. I bandaged lots of road rash, and as they fell she taught me about c-spine injuries, what to check for and how to treat it. Before I knew it, I was calling the shots.

She was tough for us being only volunteers. If you didn't honor god and country you wouldn't be allowed to treat patients, let alone carry the jump kit. We were to stand for the national anthem, we were to follow all laws, irregardless of how stupid they were. We had to follow the rules of the sport, and only offer to help the racer after asking if they can touch them- including freeing them from their bike when trapped. She sat over my shoulder, watching intently as I cleaned up each case of road rash, and made sure I explained all the problems they could have with the injury.

It's been nearly 4 years. I have since quit volunteering but now, I can handle anything. Yesterday I got a phone call from my manager, offering me a better shift, with more ideal hours and better cases. She made a comment that made me smile, but think back to Dr. C.

"Dani, you are excellent with the staff and the patients. The patients families love you, and have told me that you explain things to them much better than anyone else on staff. We want you on days where you can help more people."

If it weren't for the three years I spent with Dr. C, I never would have gained the knowledge, the people skills and the ability to understand medicine. If it weren't for being a vollie, I never would be the employee everyone wants on their shift.

Another Update

Hey there, I know its been a little bit since I've had a decent post, and for that I apologize. Lately its been boring. I figured I would at least answer the questions I have been getting from my readers - How am I doing? I was shocked to see e-mails pouring in from some of my readers wanting to know how things are doing surgery wise. I figured I had bored all y'all to death and when numerous IM's came in I was really thrown for a loop. First off, thanks. It means alot to me.

My shoulder is stiff, but it doesn't necessarily hurt. Pain, there is little to none. If I sit in the sling too long or don't do my PT every so many hours I hurt, but it's like the pain you get after a good workout. Everyone seems to be shocked I'm only on Tylenol, but it works for me. As for PT I have Bubba help with my arm lifts to 90 degrees, its my favorite, it feels SO GOOD! Then I can let my arm hang and do circles 2-3 times a day. That works out nicely because it helps with loosening up my arm. Dressing and undressing has gotten easier. I still need an incredible amount of help with nearly everything- but I'm getting better.

However I miss my job. I miss doing things every day. My life consists of sleeping, getting up to take pain meds and do PT, and either watching movies or playing video games. As much as I thought I would love it, I actually hate it. The Christmas presents can't be wrapped, the apartment can't be cleaned, and more than anything, I have become the patient. The helpless feeling sucks.

The thing about the job we do is that we take it away from ourselves. As I'm stuck hanging out I'm trying to think of ways to save the world and feel like crap that I can't. I wonder how I can make a difference, how I can further myself in life, how can I make that difference I always wanted to. We take these things for granted, the ability to comb our own hair, or even lift a bottle of water to our lips. The ability to sleep on our sides or stomach, and the ability to cut our own meat. I'm an over sized two-year-old- but I'm catching on to how the patients may be feeling.

I would never wish this on anybody, but I wish I could explain the eye-opening experience this has been for me. When the medications made me ill and dehydrated, I knew what would happen, but I was still scared to death. When the chief anesthesiologist couldn't get a vein on me, I knew what it meant, but it still hurt, and still worried me. They explained everything I didn't understand well, but I still worried about what they didn't explain to me. Feeling helpless, I worry about being a burden to others. I hate asking for help when it comes time to shower or when I need my hair placed in a ponytail, because I know it's a huge favor to ask. My incisions look good from a medical standpoint, but I still worry that I am not paying enough attention. Could they be infected? Did the steri-strips fall off too soon? Suddenly I realize what my patients are thinking, worrying and wondering about.
It's a mind boggling experience, but an eye opener everyone should have at least once in their lives. I just hope that they can learn from my experience, not their own.

Until then, BSI!

In my professional medical opinion...

Its a horrible thing, having any medical knowledge. On one hand, some people listen to you and trust you. They seek your advice and are eager to learn about what you have to share.

On the other hand, some people seek your advice and argue it, 'oh your only an EMT, you don't know much.'

Let me tell you two tales.

Once upon a time was a young diabetic boy with a hurt foot. It was discolored, swollen and painful. It wouldn't get better. So his mother looked for a doctor. One of the doctors said that he needed surgery and scheduled it. The whole thing seemed off. The X-rays showed no break, let alone reason for surgery, plus being diabetic made it risky. I begged, pleaded and harassed his mother to take him to a specialist. Finally, a few days before the surgery they did.

The so called 'break' on the X-rays, was actually calicfication and his foot was healing. The surgery would have injured him further and nearly crippled him. The child is only 16.

The next tale is of a woman who had numb hands and incredible pain for months. After much begging and pleading to see a doctor she finally got sick of the harassment and pain. Finally she got a diagnosis- pinched nerves in her cervical spine. If she didnt get the tests she would have been in this incredible pain for years.

Neither time did they listen when I begged them to go see a doctor. Both times they thanked me and felt better later on. I hate having a professional medical profession.

A Letter to my favorite Paramedic

Dear Scott,

You're an asshole 90% of the time, and that works for you. Honestly, I envy you for it. I wish I could be a cool, rough, tough, military asshole that saves lives. Frankly I never thought we would be friends, let alone become some of the best friends.

Where your family won't tell you they are proud of you, I will. I think that you are an amazing young man, and I only wish the best for you in the rest of your life to come. Your smart, and dedicated and are crazy ambitious, which helps with the whole applying to med school thing. I know you'll get into a great school, make the military pay every penny they worked you for and become an amazing doctor.

Last December was amazingly funny. It was you, me and Bubba, just driving around the state like a couple of idiots. We ran out of tourist things to do about thirty minutes after you arrived and ended up visiting every wal-mart in 50 miles and looking for Jesus look-alikes. You were mean at first, and I hated you for your pessimism, but by the time you left to return to the sandbox we were better friends than you and Bubba.

The best part was when you gave me your army flight medic t-shirt. It's way too big for me, but I wear it all the time, and I love it. The jump kit that it came in was crazy cool too and I brag all the time about owning a bag of quik-clot, even if I know I will never get to use it.

I hope your well Scotty-boy. I hope that your not going crazy over there. I hope you know how much we miss you.
We are so gonna cause hell and havoc when you come home.
Miss you man.

Well, so Much for THAT.

PT today was excellent. When I say excellent, I mean funny.

First off, this whole time the staff has been feeding my newest addiction. I am a whore to all the crazy looks that I get from the staff and love to tell my story just so I can get another one of those 'holy shi-' looks. I know, it's bad, but I love it. Once I got back to the PT room and to my table the sports therapist asked about my injury, how it happened, when, what I did to fix it, etc. When he looked at the chart he looked amazed. "YOU DID WHAT?"

I giggled, I'm used to this. "A 360 DEGREE LABRIAL REPAIR!? THATS-" He paused, trying not to be a jerk. Most patient's don't like hearing their injury was cool.

"It's gnarly, right?" I said, smiling.

He then walked off, leaving us to watch as he explained to the PT what the injury was, and too there was another one of those reactions I am addicted to. I beamed as he introduced himself and laid me flat on the table. We began to lift my arm into the air. "Tell me when it hurts." He said. We got to 30 degrees, nothing. 50 degrees, nothing. He paused and rocked my arm a little bit, then moved onto 70 degrees. "Doesn't it hurt?" He asked. I shook my head.

"There!" I said after a moment, "But its tightness hurting, not pain." He smirked.

"Your at 95 degrees, 5 degrees past what the doctor ordered." He said. "We need to rewrite some orders, your doing...well amazing. I don't need to see you twice a week after all." He said. "How bout every two weeks."

Well, now I have stuff to do...kind of.

Tuesday Update

Goodness! I was so excited I couldn't sleep!

The stitches came out! It was a glorious moment, pain free and awesome as they pulled them. Then to top it off the surgeon ordered me to start PT, which I will begin this morning. This caused me to smile and happy dance there in the office.

Now I know getting out of the sling isn't breaking the rules anymore! Haha!

Off to get ready for PT- it may be hell, but it will so be worth it.

Sunday Update

Its been a rough week- and I'm exhausted. I worked myself silly this week, building up stamina and making loads of progress. Monday going to the gas station to buy coffee wore me out. Tuesday I walked the library. Wednesday it was Wal-Mart. Thursday I was exhausted- screaming kids and family drama. By Friday I was tired, but couldn't sleep, between then and Saturday I only slept an hour.

Finally I had an idea. Lortab makes me sick, phenergren is on my hate list and Ive only been on tylenol. BUT I did have some ultram. Switched to that last night, pain was gone and I slept 10 hours, with Officer Bubba having alarms set every 4 hours and waking me up to take meds.

I feel better now, but know I need to catch up more, which is what I plan to do.

The stitches are pink and itchy, an excellent sign, or so I'm told. I have a follow up appointment on Tuesday, maybe it'll bring good news.

I Love my Dad -A Thanksgiving Funny

Let me tell you how awesome my dad is. We had extended family over, which includes a 7-year-old and a 3-year-old. Both we are not familiar with our family at all. They are also girly girls.
During dinner it was the usual battle with young children to eat, so my dad offered to help.

"I don't like chicken!" The 3-year-old said.

"Oh its not chicken." My dad said. "Its big bird."

Her eyes got huge then squinted. 'Nuh-uh.' She retorted. But dad wasn't gonna give up, he set down his fork then smiled at Kanoosh (my little bro), Officer Bubba and I.

"It is!" He exclaimed. "Kanoosh and I hunted him down last week. He jumped on his back, knocked him unconscious and then I clubbed him like a baby seal."

"Oh my!" Grandma chimed in, nearly more horrified than the 3-year-old as she too now stared in awe at this great tale.

This caused me to shoot my coke out my nose and all over my clean shirt. Kanoosh has lost control and is choking on his green beans and Bubba is trying to hide his laugh while I regain composure.

"MOM!" the 3-year-old yelled. "Is this big bird?"

"Yep hunny, turkey is a big bird." her mom replied, apparently not paying attention.

"Told ya so." Dad said, taking a big bite of turkey. "Feathers are in the garage if you don't believe me."

She was very well behaved after that...and quiet.

Wednesday Photos

The more I see my battle scars the more iffy I get about my emotions towards them. On one hand, I think they are awesome. On the other, not so much. Im working on getting the surgical graffiti off but I'm not allowed to scrub or rub, so its difficult.

Great part is that I have a huge pain tolerance, which is great since the narcotics make me ill. My life is planned around pain meds and it sucks. Im not fond of feeling 80 and clock watching.

However, my body responds to pain by making me nauseated- the same effect the narcs give me. Guess what I was up doing last night?


Happy Turkey Day,

Monday

Hey folks, Dani here. im one handed and medicated so ill make this short but i wanted to thank everyone for the comments and well wishes- it means alot to me!

So far its been a rough ride. They had problems with my lack of blood clotting and had to give extra meds. The injury was a 100% closed dislocation and a 360 degree labrial repair, a total of a 5 and a half hour surgery. Pretty freakin intense if you ask me.

Having not held anything down for 24 hours we were sent back on sunday for more meds and an IV. That was scary- the cheif anesthesiologist couldnt get a vein at all! Finally he found a deep one and a got meds,which got me til last night- thankfully i got to sleep and drink, which was excellent.

My future sister in law pulled the block for me last night while i slept and today has been simple pain control. Pain sucks, but its not as bad as I thought. Today I got to take the dressings off and shower- it was heavenly.

The photo is of three of my seven incisions. The most is four stitches on an incision. Now hello kitty bandages cover it up.

Other than that there is nothing to report. Hope yall are doing great!

update time

this morning dani went to the hospital again she wasnt feeling very well and was throwing up like crazy. she was dehydrated and was givin an IV as well as some anti nausea pills. as soon as she got home she took a very long nap witch was good. sense she didnt get much the night befor. she slept for most of today and is doing much better than last night. we are waiting for her bupivcane block to finish so we can take it out.

more updates soon to come. cadet bubba

post-op

Hey every one this is Cadet Bubba. Just giving an update on Dani after her surgery. She had a 360 degree labrium tear. As well as a 100 percent dislocation. The surgery took 5 hours for the doc. to complete. they gave her a bupivcane block. witch has numbed her whole arm. and she isn't very happy about it. first night of sleep was a little rough. but she has taken a few naps and is doing a little better.

Q & A Day Answered

Sophie asked:
Where do you live?

Dani answers:
Hahaha. I've gotten this one a few times before. I will NOT give up my location. The banner is from a city I once lived in, not one that I am living in now.

Jeremy asked:
Where do you get inspiration for the blog?

Dani answers:
Honestly- before I clock in I pretend my life is a show worth watching. I think about how all the episodes of television shows have themes, and then I pay attention to my colleagues and patients. At that point it unfolds. If I am at a loss but know a topic- I pull from a once-upon-a-time patient.
Music is another huge inspiration. When I get up in the mornings I turn on CMT or GAC (yep, I'm a hick) and if a song catches my eye and my ears then I'll keep listening. Every now and then a song makes you cry, or feel strong, or even both. Thats when I post the lyrics on the sidebar. Those help me out when I re-read the blog, seeing the lyrics that got me through.

Justmyblog asked:
What is your opinion of using a Sager on a open femur fracture vs. a closed one.

Dani answers:
I'm sorry, what? I'm a CNA and an EMT-B...and I couldn't even google an image of this thing to make sure I wasn't missing something. Oh, and to top it off, I'm Blondie and left handed. Sorry to be useless with that one.

TEMTI asked:
What inspired you to create the blog?

Dani answers:
Actually my best friend. I have been through a hell of a year, and I was sitting outside the campus in march, pouting a little bit about how frustrated I was. I worked at one unit, was looking for another and am legally too young to work as an EMT. There are only about 3 of us who continued on with EMS, one is a firefighter in a small town and the other is an ER tech at a local hospital. Sadly, me working an ortho unit is the next best thing to working EMS. Everyone else gave up.
He read Peter Canning's books, 'Paramedic' and started his own blog. He gave me the link and asked me to read it and I agreed. I thought the idea was fantastic. Suddenly I started my own. He didn't get past one post before deleting it. I kept writing. Suddenly, the blog bloomed.

Kanoosh asks:
What do you like about your job? What do you hate about it?

Dani answers:
Good question!
A) I love the people, namely on the ortho unit. The patients are so awesome, always so nice, funny, polite, and even if their not, their still great! The staff is incredible, its definitely a family and I love being a part of it. I also love that they let me learn, I've been in on surgeries, I've seen scans and radiology reports and surgical images. Its been an amazing job.
B) I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE feeling like I'm working a care center. When I have 4 patients and all of them are dying, have brief changes every 5 minutes and are mean, ICK! In care centers the residents are sweet, in hospitals- ACK!

Archie asks:
What do you hope will come from this blog?

Dani answers:
Honestly I hope to take my best-of posts and turn it into a small book. I would love to turn this into something more for myself and my readers. I hope that somehow, someday I will have inspired someone to keep going in medicine, to start a career, or to wait another year before quitting. I hope that one day I can go into Barnes and noble and see one copy of my book on the shelf and smile, even if my mother is the only one who buys it.

Time to Burn

If you have time to burn, I found a funny website. It is called faceinhole.com. You add your photo to any scene and ta-da! You've become famous. I've added two of the ones I did yesterday.

Scared. Worried. But Ok.

Last night was offically my last shift for the next 12 weeks. After that I am going to become an 'assistant' and do all the paperwork and such that the charges can't keep up with. It was an easy shift- all great patients who needed no lifts or special care. My problem was that I did some lifts and today I am hurting.

At this point I have accepted that I will be having surgery. I have also accepted the fact that its for a good reason. When Im awake only 3 hours and immediately need pain meds, it's a good thing. Somehow within he last few weeks it must have damaged more, but I'm gonna fix it.

Yep, I'm still terrified. I am still scared, but its not as bad. The fear of my boss seeing me naked isn't as bad. My catherter is in when I am out and is removed before I wake up. My bupivicane block will prevent pain for the first few days.

On the day of surgery I have asked that my fiance post for me. I may wake up early and post something. He will post photos, updates, and anything else he sees fit. I will see it all later on, so don't be afraid to comment or e-mail! As soon as I am used to the heavy narcs and can see straight (lortab makes me fuzzy) I will post again.

Until then guys, BSI

One of my Last Shifts

He whimpered softly, being a man of only few words as he reached out and grabbed my hand. I took his hand and held it, letting his mind focus on that instead of the pain. We sat there quietly and after a moment I took the side rail down and sat on the edge of the bed.

The nurse came in and gave him his meds, as I let go to leave he whimpered again. Words didn't need to be said as I turned on my heel and returned to that exact same spot. He sighed in relief as he reached out his hand again, and I took it. The sound of the television drown out all the noise from the plexi-pulse boots, the IV pump and the pulse ox. His eyes stared at the television until they got incredibly heavy, and finally he dosed off to sleep.

"You're an old school kind of aide." My replacement tells me. I had been training her all night to do my job, however she had been an aide for almost as long as I have. I nodded my head, knowing full well I was not the norm nowadays when it comes to aides.

Her patient was on the call light every three minutes, with complaints like 'my pillow hurts', 'fix my ipod', 'talk to me, i cant sleep' and even inappropriate questions like, 'what does an orgasm feel like?' We both sighed at it. It felt as if we were working peds instead of an adult unit. However, she was incredibly patient with her and finally gotten her settled, so we hope.

The night flew by so incredibly fast. I watched it sadly. This wasn't my last shift at the hospital, but it was the last one at my favorite unit. Bitterly I sighed as it hit 6 a.m. One hour left to go.

The call light from my replacements patient continued to go off roughly every three minutes. I sighed and shook my head and tried to help her answer the call, but she wouldn't allow me in there, promising me that if I was seen, I wouldn't get out of there before 10 a.m.

The day shift came in and waited to get report. The night had been spent talking, exchanging funny medical stories and our thoughts on everything from kids to Obama. I let the replacement give report on our three patients, and then waited quietly. Everyone else was doing their own thing, and in this small family everyone was always so sweet and knew what was going on in every ones lives. I waited for my nurse to return so I could say goodbye- I wouldn't see them until Feburary 10th at least- but she never did.


I said my goodbyes, but no one said anything in return. I left quietly, the weight of the world on my shoulders, worried about my patients, my replacements and my surgery.


Two nights have passed and I don't sleep anymore. I sneak out of bed in the middle of the night and watch the snow fall quietly outside. I bundle up in my pajama pants and my blankets, turning on medical shows and movies, trying to drown out the worry. All of it is unsuccessful.

I'll be doing everything so much slower, but I'll have time to do it slower. I'm ordered to a immobilizing sling for 6 weeks. I'm not allowed to lift over 2 lbs for 12 weeks. I return to work and can only lift things under 10 lbs. Impossible for an aide. I worry about work- will they fire me when I can't keep up? Will they work with me? I worry about my mental health- 12 weeks not doing anything is a long time. 6 weeks in a sling- not being able to do anything will drive me insane! Yet I just keep trying to calm myself down. I listen to bagpipes and world tunes, singing loudly to German melodies and relaxing to Hawaiian songs. We go for car rides every day, letting the road run over my stress.

This is for a reason - this is so that I can qualify the fitness portion of Paramedic school. This is so that I can keep going on with my life. Without it I won't be able to lift babies out of a crib, let alone patients into an ambulance. Without it I would be disabled in less than three years. With it, and alot of P.T. I will be in the best shape of my life, because for the first time in five years, I won't be babying a large injury.

I just gotta keep reminding myself that.

Wanna Chat?

Ever wanted to chat with me? Well I finally got this blog an IM account!

emtdani@hotmail.com

Hope to hear from you soon!

Q & A Day

I got nothin.

I can't think of a damn thing to write about, so I figured today would be a great Q & A day. Got question's about life, the blog, advice, etc? Comment below and shoot me an e-mail. I'll answer your questions and post them later on this week!

An Update

Hindsight is always 20/20. Well, i am not VERY glad I scheduled the surgery when I did. The last few days have been so exceptionally hard- I have been unable to lift my arm most days, like today and when I sleep the shoulder dislocates, so when I wake up I am swollen and puffy. Today I had to call in to work sick just so I could take my ultram. Still hasn't knocked the pain out- but if I get a perscription for any narcs this soon- it will compromise my ability to get some later.

Surgery is approved- I am now on the schedule. Nov 20th is the big day. I will have Officer Bubba post a couple updates during that time- so let me know now and comment then on the info you want to know- if anything. I will be out of work until Feburary...so posting may be very boring.

Until then medibloggers- BSI!

Y'all are gonna kill me for sayin this...

But this weeks episode of Trauma was actually really good. Not alot of errors, and those that they had were forgivable. Alot of good character scenes and funny one liners.. I LOVED the crazy psych patient that kept conducting music. I have had my share of psych and they hit the nail on the head.

If they kept the series going in the direction it is, they could've had something really good by the start of Season 2.

Still taking info!

For those of you who already shot me an e-mail and talked with me, THANK YOU. You have helped more than you ever will know! For those of you who haven't, there is still time!

Again, the call is for EMT's, FireFighters, Police, Nurses, Docs (PA's), Aides, anyone in a public service or healthcare. If you fit that category, then shoot me an e-mail at bmxchic7@yahoo.com and let me pick apart your brain!

A question for the masses (answer as a comment below):
If you could tell the world anything about EMS, what would it be? Why?

EMT's and FireFighers - Lets TALK.

Hey folks

This week my creative non-fiction class is working on interviews and literary journalism. I honestly haven't picked a topic yet, but I would love to talk with anyone I can about life in the field.

EMT's, Paramedics, Firemen, Cops, Dispatchers, Nurses, Aides, even Doc's- send me a e-mail at bmxchic7@yahoo.com if you are interested in participating. No need for full names unless you prefer it. If not please provide an alias or a user name.

Information I need to begin an interview process is:
Name (or alias)
Age
Years in the field/ Training
Country
What it is that you do

After that I will send over my questions for you. No need to be overly formal- more than anything I am just gathering information on what I love! If you have any other information you wish to share or questions feel free to add them in.

Hope to hear from you all soon!

When having extra licenses comes in handy...

This week I got to have some 'extra fun' as I call it with some difficult patients. None of the other aides wanted the new patients, a burn and a spinal trauma. Sure it was going to be some extra work, but it was going to be loads of fun.

When the ED brough the spinal patient up the nurse freaked out, yelling at the aide assigned to her that she was to have a 'more certified' aide. One of the new nurses on our unit noticed my EMT-B license and handed the patient off to me. I was EXCITED. Not only was this patient a sweet little old lady, but she had alot of COOL stuff included in her care.

Not having worked on this unit much from being sick and from my bad shoulder, the nurse and I weren't familiar with working with the other. The nurse was shocked when I could give her a complete history, easy transfers and talk to the patient like an old friend.

After about an hour or so one of the aides that floated from another unit forgot to assess the breathing on a burn patient. So they looked for someone else to give the patient to. Seeing that it was a pretty good sized burn I accepted it and sat reading his chart with a big ass grin on my face.

Times like these I love that EMT license.

Before the night was done my shoulder was torn out twice. Once in a psych patient lift and the other catching a little old lady. Still recovering today. Tramadol and Tylenol wont kill it, so I gotta ice up and take my mind off of it.

Level 6.2 Care - How are we doing?

For those of you who missed the original post-

http://medicdani.blogspot.com/2009/10/level-62-care.html

If you took the challenge feel free to step up and brag- I would love to hear about everyone and what has come easily and what hasn't. Here is my report card:

This week I focused on the little details with my patient care. Generally speaking the hospitals are all about saving money, so when the patient is admitted, the less you give them the better for the hospital. Instead of just giving them the incenstive spirometer, big yellow bin, kidney basin, mug and tissues- I added lotion, comb, toothbrush and toothpaste, an extra pair of socks and deoderant. This not only helped the patients want to do nightly and moring cares, but they felt better about themselves and their care.

Another trick I tried was focusing on snacks. Usually my patients are all regualr diets and can eat anything they desire, so I made sure they got dinner and a snack of their choice. One patient even disliked his supper, so we let him have food ordered in.

One thing I have noticed is that rules sometimes just dont exsist. Like overnight guests. I thought it was against the rules, til I asked. Now that I know better I actually take a cot from the pre-op and recovery area, make it up like a bed and bring it into the patients room. This makes both patient and visitor more comfortable.

However I still need to work on being compassionate about everything. I still sigh when the patient who has peed twice and hour every hour rings her bell. I still treat her kindly, but I need to stop the whining in the hallway.

Halloween

Oxycodone and halloween don't mix. Those who dressed up threw the patients for a loop. One patient complained of seeing batman the night before and wondered who the hot flapper girl was who was passing meds. He thought it was a part of his high- when in reality, he was talking about the doctor and his nurse.

"What are you dressed up as?" The patient asked me.
"Myself." I replied, at a loss for something clever.
"Well thats not very scary." She replied.
"I'm only on an hour of sleep." I offered, trying to get her to smile.
"Still not scared." She replied. "Happy freakin halloween Dani."

Driving home today some jack-off was driving like a clown. I was on speakerphone with my fiance and told him this. As the guy pulled up next to me I burst out laughing- he was dressed as a clown also.

Happy Halloween folks- hope y'all have some fun.

Changes to the Blog and Pics!

Hey there!

When it snows and its a lazy day, I always look to update my blog for you, my loyal and faithful readers. Lately I have been looking to update the blog with new headliners, photos, quotes and more- and thought that step one- the headliner turned out to be a really fun experience.

Here are the final four cuts that I created for the blog. All of these were made on microsoft paint and with NONE of the fonts I wanted- but thats life. The quote on the backdrop of the middle two are the lyrics to 'How to Save a Life' by the Fray, an amazingly inspirational song that hits home to me. The skylines are actual photos from my hometown, and were actually quite hard to find without completly giving away my position.

My favorite is the one I posted at the top, however I wanted to leave this one open to my readers. So, you can vote on which of these four headers - or none- should make the final cut when the blog changes are finished! Leave your comment below and number them 1,2,3 or 4. If there is a reason why you like it, let me know!

Keep an eye out for more changes, posts, quotes and qips every day! I am looking forward to blogging a little bit more before they cut me open, and then after that you get to hear about all my rehab struggles! (I really do feel bad for whoever decides to keep reading during that period- It'll be boring!)

Until then readers, BSI!

Snow

Snow is beautiful- cold, and I hate it for that- but still a lovely thing to enjoy. However, drivers who think they know how to drive in snow, bug the HELL outta me!

Last night my car slid on some black ice. Why?
Well, to give you a little background on me, I was raised and taught how to drive by drivers. Growing up with parents in safety and transportation, I learned quickly how to drive CORRECTLY. I am not your typical young female driver.

Now that that has been said, let me continue.

In my neighborhood there is a roundabout. For those of you who don't know what it is, it is a circular turn. In Spain they installed all of these and then quickly removed them because of all the accidents. I am waiting for the US to catch onto this and go back to 4-way-stops there.

Last night as I was going into the roundabout I slowed down to yield for a police officer, who was going FAR too fast in that turn. His car slid, but he got it corrected and continued on. His car was heading north, I was heading south. Suddenly he lost control again as my car started to move, and was heading towards my car. Quickly, I hit the gas and tried to get out of the car's way, and ended up hitting a patch of black ice and loosing control onto the curb.

The cop didn't stop, didn't even notice, and kept speeding on. My fiance and I had to get my car un-stuck from the mud and snow. When I find that cop I'm going to give him a piece of my mind!

Letter to my first Partner

Dear Em,

I can't believe it has been three years already since we graduated EMT-B class, and high school. Life has changed so drastically since then, and it's hard to believe we've come this far. Some days I wake up, wondering where the time has gone.

We were assigned as partners in our EMT-B class within the first week. Neither of us were pleased- you would have prefered one of the other girls, or even one of the cute guys in our class. You had a few friends in that class- and I was not one of them. I didn't care who my partner was, as long as it was a guy. Soon I discovered that neither one of us got along well with girls and we became excellent friends.

Training became tough, but we exchanged e-mails, phone numbers and spent nights quizzing each other via I.M. since we were so many miles apart (approx 20.). We trained hard with each other and became fearless- overcoming those stupid obstacles that everyone struggled with with ease. Anatomy and Physiology became a breeze. Those papers we had to write each semster weren't as tough for us- we both took lots of college level classes and were able to proof read them with the other. Patient assessments got done quickly and with ease, and before too long we were spending entire afternoons practicing and timing each part of a patient assessment, just to find out who did it better and faster.

When our teacher told us that we would all be good friends, I didn't believe them. I didn't believe that I could trust anyone in that room as much as I came to trust you. When I was sick, you would bring over my homework and cold meds, and I would do the same for you. We told each other crazy stories, secrets and actually were good friends. I have never had a good female friend like you, and still to this day I consider you my best friend.

I will never forget the day we both arrived to school shocked and suprised. My father and your mother actually worked together! We didn't know how to feel, scared, shocked, supried, worried, and we both knew what it meant; we couldn't get in a fight. We never did fight though, and we never argued. Simple arguements were fought like boys, spatting it out quickly, and then forgetting it.

The weekend I lost my grandfather and one of my best friends you let me cry on your shoulder. We had participated in a state EMS competition and we placed 6th. Placing 6th was both of our faults, and we both could have placed 1st. We know it. I couldn't remember all the OPQRST's in order (which the judges required of us) and you couldn't get the oxygen tank completely set up and turned on. I was depressed about the competition, I was depressed about my friend, and I was depressed about my grandfather.

I didn't go to school on Monday or Tuesday, being busy with family plans, viewings and funerals. Once I did come to class though you and Dex pulled together to get me cards and balloons. I cried seeing how sweet the two of you were. It meant the world to me that you guys did anything at all.

Graduation was sad and depressing. I was thrilled to have my EMT-B license, but I was so sad to leave all the friends that I had made. Us Basics were family, and it's hard to leave your family. As we got our certificates and patches I remember our parents having us pose together, taking the one and only picture I have of me and my first partner.

Since then we have stayed in touch. You work at a mall and I work in a hospital. You are a sorority girl who is living and loving the college life, while I took the shortcut to adulthood and is living life opposite of you. My only wish would be that we would've had more time together as EMT-B partners.

Lately you haven't responded to my text messages or my phone calls. We don't e-mail or IM anymore. We have drifted apart. But thats okay, because I can't complain. My first partner was the best partner I could have ever asked for.

Thanks for being amazing Em.

Ick. Sick.

Wish there was anything worthwhile to report medibloggers, but alas, I am ill. Going to the doctor tomorrow after a long week of feeling like crap. Here is hoping I am a wuss- but then again- I'm the girl who busted her collarbone and didn't know it.

How is everyone else doing?

I Still Don't Get the Bird Reference...

But I became a member of Twitter!

Follow me under the username EMTDani to hear about my everyday woes and battles with patients, family, friends and colleagues. I am still figuring it out, but my phone came with a handy widget for it, and I have since fallen in love with the idea!

Thanks guys!

Level 6.2 Care

EMS 2.0 is taking off in an amazing whirlwind around the medic blogospheres. It's amazing how a simple idea is going above and beyond. I have loved reading about this great idea and about how we as EMT's plan to change health care for the better.

The CEO of my hospital sends out many e-mails, most of which I don't read. I must have been exceptionally bored or in a go-getter mood because I read one of them today that talked about level 5 care in a hospital setting. All I could think about was 'what on earth is level 5 care supposed to mean?' and 'I thought we were a level 1 trauma center- is level 5 care good or bad!?' So I did some research in and around all the hospitals in my state. The scale is 1-5, the lower your score the worse you are. Aiming for level 5 is aiming for the highest. This got me thinking.

During nurses week we had a comment on our poster that said 'thanks for the level 5 care.' Another scribbled message said 'enough of this level 5 crap- I got level 6.2 care here!'
That poster is still sitting in the hallway, staring us down, reminding us why we do what we do. I have no idea what level 6.2 means, but it's much better than level 5!

So folks, I am issuing another challenge to us all. Let's all give level 6.2 care.

The standards that all the hospitals I looked up had in common were:

1. Compassion: As stated in yesterdays post, I am the first to admit that sometimes I am not as compassionate as I need or want to be. Let's all try to genuinely listen to our patients, knowing that everyone lies, but acting towards them as if this rule never existed. Synonyms of the word compassion are; sympathy, empathy, heartfelt and caring. All traits we should work on.

2.Responsibility: Being on the bottom of the food chain is easy. Being at the top is hard. Either way we are loaded with responsibilities for another human life, and sometimes its a life we aren't fond of. It's easy to love your child and care for them, but it is very hard to have a psych patient and keep calm around them. Stepping up is the hardest, biggest thing any of us in a hospital can do, and its a rare occurrence when anyone does it. I personally am vowing to always do my glucometer checks, fridge checks and take the equipment out of the rooms on Friday nights, even though that's not my job to do.

3.Diversity: Everywhere I go there is little to no diversity. I live in a VERY white state, and I am not just talking about snow and minerals here, I mean to tell you that in my high school there were roughly 2500 students. 300 were Hispanic and 5 were African American. That leaves 2295 white kids. Diversity comes in many different packages, in skin color, in religion, in political beliefs and so many other ways. It wasn't until I got my second job that I got to dealing with different kinds of people. Until then I had never met anyone who spoke Somalian, Iranian, dialects of Chinese and heaven only knows how many other languages. I had never seen anyone wear a turban in real life and thought that I would see so many different forms of religion through clothing choices. Each day I see and learn more and more about the world I live in, but I cannot become a better health care professional if I don't try to learn. Let's all try to talk to our patients about their lives, their beliefs and themselves, which will not only lead to better care, but more comfortable relationships with their caregivers.

4.Quality: When we play the alphabet game we always look for this word, and are always so sadly disappointed when it becomes a hard word to find. It's a hard word to find because its a rare thing for anyone to have or to give. Quality. We work in a devastating field. People who should live, die. Children get incurable diseases. Families are torn apart. We see this happening right before our eyes, so who am I to ask you to give more quality of care? I know I'm asking for alot. But the patients deserve it.
Whether it be giving a patient an extra can of soda, or taking five minutes to help them apply some lotion to their back, the little things are the things that our patients like the most. I am vowing to take 5 minutes of free time on shift to spend with each patient, talking with them, fetching them odds and ends, even straightening up their rooms for them. I am vowing to hold more hands, pass more tissues, sit at more bedsides and to listen to more stories. If I was a patient that person would be a quality aide, and that is who I want to become.

5.Trust: We work with them from anywhere between 4-16 hours. We may or may not see them again the next shift we have. There is no consistency in the hospital, but we can still gain trust with a patient. Trust is an incredibly hard thing to gain, the world is full of mean, horrible people and whats worse, the media makes doctors, nurses, even aides out to be the bad guys. In television shows the nurses are the mean grumpy ones, the aides are ditzy and worthless. We need to fight barriers to gain a patients trust. I have no idea, no advice and no words of wisdom as to how to accomplish this, I just hope that as level 6.2. care givers we can.

I am taking a vow to be a better caregiver and to do a better job. To focus more on my patients and to see what we can do to not only save a life, but to change a life.

If you're with me, leave me a comment and set yourself a goal as well. We may be thousands of miles apart, but that doesn't mean that we can make a difference inside the hospital while these Paramedics are making a difference on the streets.