BMT

He was a big eared, freckled face little boy, with gaped teeth in the front and what was left of his brown hair was buzzed by his mom. As I walked into the room I was literally shocked to see a child in the room, I was working BMT (Bone Marrow Transplant). "What can I do for ya bud?" I asked, shutting the door behind me and rubbing the gel-san into my hands.

"Come here." He said, beckoning me with his little pointer finger. I inched closer to him and smiled as a devilish grin spread across his face. "Do you have the yummy brown stuff?" He asked.

"You mean, coke?" I asked.

"As in cola!" He replied, perking up. I nodded. "Well my mommy said I could have some if you guys had it."

"Well it looks like I'll be bringing it in." I replied, and as I turned to leave I heard a 'yippe!' escape his lips.

The night was something no one warned me about, and not even the biggest warnings could have warned me of this. I have had cancer in my family, I have had family members go through chemo, but no one could have warned you for this. When I found out they had transferred me for the night to BMT I kept asking for what I needed to know. The only answer I got was 'learn chemo precautions.' Chemo precautions was nothing compared to the shock I got when I began to take vitals on these patients, and it make me realize how ....healthy....the rest of them are in comparison.

I walked into the room to see a guy who I assumed was at least 200 lbs at one point, but the treatments had killed his body down to under 150. Weak, skinny, frail and starting to bald in patches he kept a smile, and even opened the door for me, explaining that he would not be able to forgive himself if he wasn't a gentleman at all times.

Another patient was a doctor, and it was textbook 'Isabel Stevens' from Grey's Anatomy, but that's where I got angry. Grey's makes fighting cancer look poetic, and makes it look so much different than what it really is. There is no group cancer session where they all get chemo and chit-chat, they do not wear scarves on their heads and they don't have energy to cruise around the hospital. They are bedridden, they loose their hair in patches and they fight like they have never fought before. Watching this patient I realized how strong she is, and she was more than admirable.

Truly, it was hard, and when I got home tears filled my eyes as my body curled up and into a ball. my muscles ached, my mind racing and the inability to sleep kept me waking up with hot tears escaping my eyes, each time I closed my eyes I realized their struggle, their battle and how strong they are. When sleep finally came, I dreamt about the little boy.
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'The higher you climb, the greater the pressure, those who manage to endure learn that the distance between top and the bottom is obscenely great, and those who succeed know this secret...there isn't one.'