This morning I took my first venture out into the world ALL BY MYSELF since my surgery! I was literally so scared about taking the 45 minute drive into the surgical center that I couldn't sleep last night. After a long morning dragging on I finally was dressed, complete with my hair and makeup done and decided to brave it and leave.
First stop- Gas Station.
Radio blaring, sun is shining- I am feeling really good. As I pull my little car up to the pump I park it and open the door to the gas cap. The sun shines down on my face and I feel like I could conquer the world. Reaching down I go to twist off the cap and twist my left arm too hard and fall against the pump. Immediately I realize that I cannot take the gas cap off. I try again, this time with my right, to no avail. Again, I try with my left, then with my right. Suddenly and unexpectedly I burst into tears. "NO!" I wail and stomp my foot in frustration.
The man at the pump across from me looks at me awkwardly but then turns away. I again try and whimper in pain as I try to open it up. Finally he leaves his truck and approaches me. "Miss- do you need some help?" He asks. I nod and whimper. "What's wrong?" He prys.
"I cant open my gas cap and I'm crippled and I had a surgery!" I pause to unzip my hoodie to show him my shoulder scars. "And my arm is weak and its sticking and I-I-I." I then leave and sit in my car for a moment, sniffing and sobbing. I realize that I looked like a complete and total idiot but I couldn't help it. Finally, with dryer eyes I emerge from my vehicle and thank the man, who is also having problems opening it. After a few moments it finally comes free and while I paid, he began to help me pump the gas. I thanked him numerous times and then continued on my way to the surgery center.
Next Stop- Realizing I Shouldn't Go the Freeway
So instead I go the long way. The way that adds another 45 minutes to the 45 minute commute.
Meanwhile I got stuck behind every granny and mother with a mini-van in the state. I'm just glad I left early.
Finally - Surgery Center
As I pull into the surgery center a catering van is leaving and almost takes me out, I swerve, my car bounces onto the curb and I fly into the parking garage like a scene from a movie. Scared shitless I pull into the first parking stall I find and start to whimper. At this point in the day I feel like a little animal and less of a human, and force myself inside.
While inside I am shaking from the adrenaline rush- but my PT is more worried about a new twitch in my arm. Lo and behold my back had a nerve pinch that would cause my arm to do it. So I required a ton of heat and electric stimulation until he could page the chiropractor on call to pop my back. As I lay there with the heat packs I realized two things about PT.
Every time I go to PT I do two things (and enjoy both thoroughly)
1. I lay on my back the whole time.
2. I count ceiling tiles.
While giggling over this the PT returned, they popped my back and made me chug the water (to avoid the toxicity). Then sent my happy butt on its way.
That's my amusing day.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Halfway There
I miss patients. The griping, the moaning, the lame jokes at 2 am and the honest heart-to-hearts I am able to have with my patients. The never-ending trips to the bathroom with the women and the triple checking on the men cause you know how much IV fluid they had. I miss taking care of people.
I miss driving to work when the sun sets and leaving just as the sun rises. Staying late just to talk to the day nurses and arriving early because you love your job. I miss singing out loud and off key to my EMT play list and chugging down a chocolate milk and a power bar. Drinking crappy coffee til 4 am and noshing on the junk food the veteran nurse hauls in with her. Having long talks and deep conversations about life, love and all the cruelty in between while that one patients sleeps.
I miss being able to lift things, and do things. Being able to do all the laundry in one day without getting in trouble and being able to clean up the apartment. I miss being able to get myself dressed every day without help, and being able to do my hair cute and girly. Being able to toss on a pair of scrubs and look as crummy as the patient, but tossing my hair up and being able to look and feel like a character out of 'Greys.'
I miss being optimistic about life and medicine. Being able to see the beauty in all things. But I've learned that pessimistic is okay every now and then. I miss being able to be pain free and always happy-go-lucky, to where the pain is under control and I can deal. I miss working, and being around others.
More than anything I miss being the caretaker, not the one needing care.
I miss driving to work when the sun sets and leaving just as the sun rises. Staying late just to talk to the day nurses and arriving early because you love your job. I miss singing out loud and off key to my EMT play list and chugging down a chocolate milk and a power bar. Drinking crappy coffee til 4 am and noshing on the junk food the veteran nurse hauls in with her. Having long talks and deep conversations about life, love and all the cruelty in between while that one patients sleeps.
I miss being able to lift things, and do things. Being able to do all the laundry in one day without getting in trouble and being able to clean up the apartment. I miss being able to get myself dressed every day without help, and being able to do my hair cute and girly. Being able to toss on a pair of scrubs and look as crummy as the patient, but tossing my hair up and being able to look and feel like a character out of 'Greys.'
I miss being optimistic about life and medicine. Being able to see the beauty in all things. But I've learned that pessimistic is okay every now and then. I miss being able to be pain free and always happy-go-lucky, to where the pain is under control and I can deal. I miss working, and being around others.
More than anything I miss being the caretaker, not the one needing care.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
My Personal Anthem (2009)
Its New Years Eve.
I'm not going to make any resolutions, I'm not going to make any promises for myself because this year is the year that is going to change my life. I'm going back to work in February with a healed shoulder and a rested body- something I haven't been able to work with in a medical career EVER. I'm getting married this spring- to the love of my life and an incredible man. We're going to be getting our own place, and having all the adventures in between. I'll be eligible to go to Paramedic school in the fall- and I am able to work as an EMT come April. This year will be the year that changes everything- but I needed a bridge to get to that year- and that was 2009.
I learned alot this year- I learned things that will forever help me be a better person.
I learned to love. After feeling immense heartbreak, disaster, and emptiness this year has taught me how to love, and how to feel loved in return. I learned that its okay to get a kiss in public and that getting smacked on the ass isn't always a sexual thing. I learned how to fall asleep in someones arms, and how to laugh until I cry.
I learned how to feel peace when there isn't any. When a patient is dying in front of your eyes, when your family is falling apart, when your life is hanging by a thread- I learned how to discover peace of mind.
I learned how to let my guard down- to be okay with my emotions, to embrace the fact that I am like everyone else, I am human- and that I am not alone with my feelings. I learned how to laugh until it hurt, and how to cry on someones shoulder. I discovered that I could actually write about my feelings, and that I wasn't going to hell because of it.
I learned that the best people to listen to and seek advice from are the people who know you well enough yet are far enough away from your life. I came to realize that Nurse P was right about all the friend dramas after all- Bubba and I did meet new friends through police and EMS, there is no drama and we are completely happy. Nurse J was right as well- its not happily ever after, it is happily right now.
I learned that it doesn't matter what your told to believe- its what you learn from life's lessons to believe. You don't have to be perfect- you don't need to even embrace everything everyone else wants you to - you need to learn for yourself and come to your own terms.
I learned that despite everyones attempts to bring me down- and that despite all the shit that has happened to me that I am okay after all. I'm not perfect by any means, but I am Dani. I am a CNA, an EMT. I deal with life- whether I'm dealing with it or saving it. I like dancing in my underwear, and singing in the shower. I drink too much caffeine and can't keep my meals in order. I'm bad at computers and can't cut correctly with scissors.
But that's all okay. Because I've learned better.
And I can live with that being my accomplishment for 2009.
I'm not going to make any resolutions, I'm not going to make any promises for myself because this year is the year that is going to change my life. I'm going back to work in February with a healed shoulder and a rested body- something I haven't been able to work with in a medical career EVER. I'm getting married this spring- to the love of my life and an incredible man. We're going to be getting our own place, and having all the adventures in between. I'll be eligible to go to Paramedic school in the fall- and I am able to work as an EMT come April. This year will be the year that changes everything- but I needed a bridge to get to that year- and that was 2009.
I learned alot this year- I learned things that will forever help me be a better person.
I learned to love. After feeling immense heartbreak, disaster, and emptiness this year has taught me how to love, and how to feel loved in return. I learned that its okay to get a kiss in public and that getting smacked on the ass isn't always a sexual thing. I learned how to fall asleep in someones arms, and how to laugh until I cry.
I learned how to feel peace when there isn't any. When a patient is dying in front of your eyes, when your family is falling apart, when your life is hanging by a thread- I learned how to discover peace of mind.
I learned how to let my guard down- to be okay with my emotions, to embrace the fact that I am like everyone else, I am human- and that I am not alone with my feelings. I learned how to laugh until it hurt, and how to cry on someones shoulder. I discovered that I could actually write about my feelings, and that I wasn't going to hell because of it.
I learned that the best people to listen to and seek advice from are the people who know you well enough yet are far enough away from your life. I came to realize that Nurse P was right about all the friend dramas after all- Bubba and I did meet new friends through police and EMS, there is no drama and we are completely happy. Nurse J was right as well- its not happily ever after, it is happily right now.
I learned that it doesn't matter what your told to believe- its what you learn from life's lessons to believe. You don't have to be perfect- you don't need to even embrace everything everyone else wants you to - you need to learn for yourself and come to your own terms.
I learned that despite everyones attempts to bring me down- and that despite all the shit that has happened to me that I am okay after all. I'm not perfect by any means, but I am Dani. I am a CNA, an EMT. I deal with life- whether I'm dealing with it or saving it. I like dancing in my underwear, and singing in the shower. I drink too much caffeine and can't keep my meals in order. I'm bad at computers and can't cut correctly with scissors.
But that's all okay. Because I've learned better.
And I can live with that being my accomplishment for 2009.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Road Trip
The moon hung in the sky, as if it was placed there by god. I followed it with my eyes as we drove, my face pressed against the back seat, simply watching the world as we passed it by. Buildings were lit by only exit signs and their parking lots were iced over. It felt as if we were the only ones left awake in this sleepy town- but this adventure was just beginning.
The further we got out of town the less we saw. Before too long we were only passing refineries every few miles and then suddenly there was nothing. My thoughts drifted away and finally it was just me, the road and the night.
Before too long the radio quit and we sat quietly, every so often mentioning stories from our jobs, from our lives. My friend Steve took the front seat, every so often mentioning a flight call he took from his time in Iraq. Bubba would reply with a story from the Police Academy. Finally, I would share my story- and silence would follow. The road continued on from beneath the tires- and if was as if we were dropping those worries out as we shared them.
It was two hours that passed in no time. Before we knew it the lights from our destination sparkled into the night sky and gave us a glimpse of hope. A smile spread across my face and the boys cracked jokes again- it was like the city brought us back to life.
Unfortunately we missed our exit and fear hung over us again as we read the sign 'Next exit, 58 miles - No Services.' We were running out of energy, out of gas and out of patience. Luckily there was an exit two miles out and we were able to flip around.
"What city is this?" Bubba asked playfully. There was no city to be seen- just darkness all around us.
"It doesn't matter what city this is." Steve replied. "Its like frickin North Las Vegas- no one wants to go there!"
We finally got to our destination and to our purpose- food. Sitting down at a table I smiled and simply enjoyed the moment. We had actually made it this far and were actually having alot of fun. Stories were shared about random things, jokes were made, I ooohed and ahhhed at the neon. Bubba even had an experience about a dancing man at the urinals (this made me laugh my butt off for quite some time).
Finally the restaurant was closing down and we were asked to leave. The food was long gone and the complimentary bread they kept bringing was getting downed. Our drink glasses were empty, and we were exhausted.
As we stopped to fill up on gas the boys crawled out of the truck and both began to giggle. Confused I sat there- not wanting to get out to see why. As Steve returned to the truck while it pumped he informed me it was puke. After a few moments Bubba returned with drinks and told me that it was puke that had been ran over. I rolled my eyes.
Boys.
A few moments later Bubba replied with 'if you would've given me a few minutes I could've identified the tires by the tire tread. Steve agreed and felt the need to inform me that it was the 'good kind' of vomit. Does that even exist? In all my years of holding emesis basins and cleaning up messes I never knew this.
The conversations never stopped on the way back. Before too long all of our phones died and the radio still didn't find a station. I smiled- this was the way a road trip should be. We cracked open our energy drinks and began to pound them down. We even hit pretty decent fog- and Steve showed off his skills as he whispered to himself distances, he had the vehicles around us memorized and their distances. Bubba assisted him with speeds and our speeds- and we made it through the thick patches alive.
As we finally pulled into the driveway we shivered into the cold 3-degrees that decided to follow us home. I had to be practically carried into bed- and passed out immediately- with a smile on my face.
Its good times like that- where you have your friends and your piece of mind - that you will remember forever.
The further we got out of town the less we saw. Before too long we were only passing refineries every few miles and then suddenly there was nothing. My thoughts drifted away and finally it was just me, the road and the night.
Before too long the radio quit and we sat quietly, every so often mentioning stories from our jobs, from our lives. My friend Steve took the front seat, every so often mentioning a flight call he took from his time in Iraq. Bubba would reply with a story from the Police Academy. Finally, I would share my story- and silence would follow. The road continued on from beneath the tires- and if was as if we were dropping those worries out as we shared them.
It was two hours that passed in no time. Before we knew it the lights from our destination sparkled into the night sky and gave us a glimpse of hope. A smile spread across my face and the boys cracked jokes again- it was like the city brought us back to life.
Unfortunately we missed our exit and fear hung over us again as we read the sign 'Next exit, 58 miles - No Services.' We were running out of energy, out of gas and out of patience. Luckily there was an exit two miles out and we were able to flip around.
"What city is this?" Bubba asked playfully. There was no city to be seen- just darkness all around us.
"It doesn't matter what city this is." Steve replied. "Its like frickin North Las Vegas- no one wants to go there!"
We finally got to our destination and to our purpose- food. Sitting down at a table I smiled and simply enjoyed the moment. We had actually made it this far and were actually having alot of fun. Stories were shared about random things, jokes were made, I ooohed and ahhhed at the neon. Bubba even had an experience about a dancing man at the urinals (this made me laugh my butt off for quite some time).
Finally the restaurant was closing down and we were asked to leave. The food was long gone and the complimentary bread they kept bringing was getting downed. Our drink glasses were empty, and we were exhausted.
As we stopped to fill up on gas the boys crawled out of the truck and both began to giggle. Confused I sat there- not wanting to get out to see why. As Steve returned to the truck while it pumped he informed me it was puke. After a few moments Bubba returned with drinks and told me that it was puke that had been ran over. I rolled my eyes.
Boys.
A few moments later Bubba replied with 'if you would've given me a few minutes I could've identified the tires by the tire tread. Steve agreed and felt the need to inform me that it was the 'good kind' of vomit. Does that even exist? In all my years of holding emesis basins and cleaning up messes I never knew this.
The conversations never stopped on the way back. Before too long all of our phones died and the radio still didn't find a station. I smiled- this was the way a road trip should be. We cracked open our energy drinks and began to pound them down. We even hit pretty decent fog- and Steve showed off his skills as he whispered to himself distances, he had the vehicles around us memorized and their distances. Bubba assisted him with speeds and our speeds- and we made it through the thick patches alive.
As we finally pulled into the driveway we shivered into the cold 3-degrees that decided to follow us home. I had to be practically carried into bed- and passed out immediately- with a smile on my face.
Its good times like that- where you have your friends and your piece of mind - that you will remember forever.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Goodies! Prizes! Fun!
I am excited to announce that on January 1st, 2010 Medic Dani's (also known as Dani's Anatomy) will be having its first ever contest!
Here is how to play:
Each day during the month of January send in an e-mail to emtdani@hotmail.com. Include your name and e-mail address that you check often. As each e-mail comes in I will place the information into a drawing jar- on the last day of the month I will set a time to draw the winner's name, and announce it! (If you don't want your name announced on twitter or blogger please include a alias to refer to you by.)
The prize is a one-of-a-kind EMS t-shirt!
Get ready to play guys- because on January first- its game on!
Here is how to play:
Each day during the month of January send in an e-mail to emtdani@hotmail.com. Include your name and e-mail address that you check often. As each e-mail comes in I will place the information into a drawing jar- on the last day of the month I will set a time to draw the winner's name, and announce it! (If you don't want your name announced on twitter or blogger please include a alias to refer to you by.)
The prize is a one-of-a-kind EMS t-shirt!
Get ready to play guys- because on January first- its game on!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
You Might Be Marrying a Medic If... (By Officer Bubba)
My name is Officer Bubba. I'm Medic Dani's fiancee. I'm today's guest author and the first one to be at that. This is the topic I choose and a very fitting topic- because from what I can see is that she isn't the only one that does these crazy, fun, kooky, entertaining things that are unique to being a medic or even some one in the medical profession. I hope you enjoy the read and get a great kick out of it and maybe even have some of your own you could share.
Thanks for taking the time and don't be afraid to make fun of her either.
Us men have it difficult enough to figure out women. I have it the worst- I have to figure out a female medic. Not only does she have the normal traits of a typical woman she also has the quirks of the medical professionals. Neither come with hints that are easy to pick up on.
Let me tell you of some of the things I have had to live with...
You might be marrying a medic if she cleans out her wallet and there are more alcohol prep pads than ones.
You might be marrying a medic if she has socks with skulls on them and still insists on mismatching them- even though no one ever sees them.
You might be marrying a medic if all Christmas presents from her were wrapped in IV tape.
You might be marrying a medic if 10cc saliene syringes, shaving cream and a bathtub is a baby sitting event.
You might be marrying a medic if the sternal rub is used as a wake-up call when a "good morning" would suffice.
You might be marrying a medic if she has more photos of ambulances, fire trucks and cop cars scattered around than of her family and friends.
You might be marrying a medic if a siren has gone off in your bedroom at two a.m.
You might be marrying a medic if you've ever watched her eat an orange with trauma shears.
You might be marrying a medic if you've ever gone on a date that ended up in finding fire stations.
You might be marrying a medic when you go on a date and by the end of the night your clothes have been cut off of you.
You might be marrying a medic if your date night includes a scene size up.
You might be marrying a medic if her diet consists of Hershey kisses and a taco shell.
You might be marrying a medic when every time you pass or see a ambulance or fire truck she gives them the rock and roll hand gesture.
You might be marrying a medic when your at wal-mart and you make a special trip over to the scrubs just to check them out.
You might be marrying a medic when she says lets see if we can get married in a fire house or on the back of a fire truck, and is serious.
You might be marrying a medic when your told your not going to be able to pick the colors of the room(red, blue, and white) but told that your going to paint it that way.
You're okay with marrying a medic because you know that you'll sleep safe at night, and never stop laughing at the antics.
I'm sure this post will come with a sequel directed at me, and I look forward to it.
Thanks for taking the time and don't be afraid to make fun of her either.
Us men have it difficult enough to figure out women. I have it the worst- I have to figure out a female medic. Not only does she have the normal traits of a typical woman she also has the quirks of the medical professionals. Neither come with hints that are easy to pick up on.
Let me tell you of some of the things I have had to live with...
You might be marrying a medic if she cleans out her wallet and there are more alcohol prep pads than ones.
You might be marrying a medic if she has socks with skulls on them and still insists on mismatching them- even though no one ever sees them.
You might be marrying a medic if all Christmas presents from her were wrapped in IV tape.
You might be marrying a medic if 10cc saliene syringes, shaving cream and a bathtub is a baby sitting event.
You might be marrying a medic if the sternal rub is used as a wake-up call when a "good morning" would suffice.
You might be marrying a medic if she has more photos of ambulances, fire trucks and cop cars scattered around than of her family and friends.
You might be marrying a medic if a siren has gone off in your bedroom at two a.m.
You might be marrying a medic if you've ever watched her eat an orange with trauma shears.
You might be marrying a medic if you've ever gone on a date that ended up in finding fire stations.
You might be marrying a medic when you go on a date and by the end of the night your clothes have been cut off of you.
You might be marrying a medic if your date night includes a scene size up.
You might be marrying a medic if her diet consists of Hershey kisses and a taco shell.
You might be marrying a medic when every time you pass or see a ambulance or fire truck she gives them the rock and roll hand gesture.
You might be marrying a medic when your at wal-mart and you make a special trip over to the scrubs just to check them out.
You might be marrying a medic when she says lets see if we can get married in a fire house or on the back of a fire truck, and is serious.
You might be marrying a medic when your told your not going to be able to pick the colors of the room(red, blue, and white) but told that your going to paint it that way.
You're okay with marrying a medic because you know that you'll sleep safe at night, and never stop laughing at the antics.
I'm sure this post will come with a sequel directed at me, and I look forward to it.
Social Networking.
Hey everyone- I PROMISE a real blog post is coming- but until then I wanted to let everyone know about the social networking I am a part of!
Facebook as a fan page for Medic Dani- check it out and become a fan!
I am also on Twitter under username EMTDani, and I tweet alot. (Also I am one follower away from my 100th follower- will it be you?)
Wanna chat? You can IM me on emtdani@hotmail.com or on skype under username MedicDani.
Until then readers- BSI-
XOXO-D
Facebook as a fan page for Medic Dani- check it out and become a fan!
I am also on Twitter under username EMTDani, and I tweet alot. (Also I am one follower away from my 100th follower- will it be you?)
Wanna chat? You can IM me on emtdani@hotmail.com or on skype under username MedicDani.
Until then readers- BSI-
XOXO-D
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