My Personal Anthem (2009)

Its New Years Eve.
I'm not going to make any resolutions, I'm not going to make any promises for myself because this year is the year that is going to change my life. I'm going back to work in February with a healed shoulder and a rested body- something I haven't been able to work with in a medical career EVER. I'm getting married this spring- to the love of my life and an incredible man. We're going to be getting our own place, and having all the adventures in between. I'll be eligible to go to Paramedic school in the fall- and I am able to work as an EMT come April. This year will be the year that changes everything- but I needed a bridge to get to that year- and that was 2009.

I learned alot this year- I learned things that will forever help me be a better person.

I learned to love. After feeling immense heartbreak, disaster, and emptiness this year has taught me how to love, and how to feel loved in return. I learned that its okay to get a kiss in public and that getting smacked on the ass isn't always a sexual thing. I learned how to fall asleep in someones arms, and how to laugh until I cry.

I learned how to feel peace when there isn't any. When a patient is dying in front of your eyes, when your family is falling apart, when your life is hanging by a thread- I learned how to discover peace of mind.

I learned how to let my guard down- to be okay with my emotions, to embrace the fact that I am like everyone else, I am human- and that I am not alone with my feelings. I learned how to laugh until it hurt, and how to cry on someones shoulder. I discovered that I could actually write about my feelings, and that I wasn't going to hell because of it.

I learned that the best people to listen to and seek advice from are the people who know you well enough yet are far enough away from your life. I came to realize that Nurse P was right about all the friend dramas after all- Bubba and I did meet new friends through police and EMS, there is no drama and we are completely happy. Nurse J was right as well- its not happily ever after, it is happily right now.

I learned that it doesn't matter what your told to believe- its what you learn from life's lessons to believe. You don't have to be perfect- you don't need to even embrace everything everyone else wants you to - you need to learn for yourself and come to your own terms.

I learned that despite everyones attempts to bring me down- and that despite all the shit that has happened to me that I am okay after all. I'm not perfect by any means, but I am Dani. I am a CNA, an EMT. I deal with life- whether I'm dealing with it or saving it. I like dancing in my underwear, and singing in the shower. I drink too much caffeine and can't keep my meals in order. I'm bad at computers and can't cut correctly with scissors.

But that's all okay. Because I've learned better.
And I can live with that being my accomplishment for 2009.