Life & Death (The Full Circle)

This week has been a rush of emotions, but it has given me the chance to focus on two big points.
Life & Death

On Sunday we took a big trip to see a little baby be blessed. I love taking the trip we did, not only because my family is there, but because my family comes from a small town in Idaho, and I absolutley adore small towns. Having lived in both areas, big cities and little towns, I have come to embrace the perfection of a small town. Sure, it has its flaws, but the reasons for loving it included what we saw in sacrament meeting- people actually loved each other. People genuinely cared for one another. The drive was a long one, and the rain patted down on the window, the passengers were quiet, and I got to spend quality time with the two people I love more than anything, my Bubbas. (Bubba J, or Jeremy is my boyfriend and Bubba Kanoosh is Nick, my little brother.) It was definitley an experience I loved to have, and as I drove, I had the time to think about life, and about how blessed I am to have what I do.

After the blessing there was a small lunch party where we got to see mom and baby Kayla. I love this side of the family, and I envy Lindsey, I am young and she makes me look so old compared to her. She is definitley not the typical Idaho gal. We visited with the family and we all had turns holding the cute little peanut. When my turn came I started to think about the beauty of it all, of lif

The whole day the rain had been pouring and the roads weren't the best, but still it was a beautiful drive and Jeremy (who was the designated photographer for me) was constantly taking photos. Everything was beautiful and left me feeling refeshed and inspired.

However, it wasn't too long before I had to return to my life, and thats when things got difficult.
Monday is my secondary unit at work. When it comes to work, Tues, Thurs-Friday are all my 'Grey's Anatomy' units. Monday is my 'House' unit, and as much as it is interesting, I was nowhere near ready for what was thrown at me. I guess thats how you learn though, by never being ready.

First off, I was supposed to still be orienting with a light patient load, but they didn't have enough staff so I was on my own for doing basic patient care of my own patients, like a regular aide. I had to keep asking for help because I was called to different units, different floors and different areas of the hospital to help assist with my patients, but being new, I still had no idea where everything was.

I was asked to go three floors down to assist a patient with some basic needs. The tech's could have done it, but instead called us. When I laid eyes on my patient I knew that something was wrong, but all I felt was compassion. I felt like there was something that needed my attention, but there was other people in the room, including doctors, and I assumed that they would catch if anything was wrong.

45 minutes later I walked past the nurses station by chance to hear one nurse tell the other that my patient had passed. My stomach fell, my heart raced and my mind stopped. I had only ever lost one patient that I was aware of, and I had no idea what to do now.

Post-mortem care is by far the hardest thing I have to do in my job. When you work in a long-term facility, you get to know your patients extremely well, so doing it in a hospital is alot different than in a care center. However, a hospital is alot harder of a place to do it in. In a care center, they don't ask you to 'tag'em and bag'em.' Not only had I worked with this patient for three weeks, but I had to do the post-mortem care. Being fresh out of orientation I was scared and called in an aide to help me out with it. They did me one better and had the nursing intern helping me.

On any given night I work myself tired and so I eat alot on breaks. But Monday, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I rode the elevator out to the parking garage and sat there, thinking about what I had seen in the last few days. As a person I am inspired, always looking for the bright side of life, and on Sunday I was an Izzie, but on Monday I quickly became a Meredith.

Its Wednesday and this week and all the emotions have definitley messed with my mind, however it has given me more knowledge and more strength to keep doing the job I do. It has reminded me that my job is all about life, and with it comes death.