Dreaming of a Bright Future

Around my neck hangs a stethoscope. It is simple, black and has a double sided head, one for adults, the other for peds. It is such a simple tool, with a single purpose. However, that stethoscope makes my whole job that much easier, and I couldn't function without it. I am like that stethoscope. My job is simple, with a single purpose, saving lives.

At night the PACU (Post-Anestethic Care Unit) closes down and I find myself wandering the small unit in hopes of finding late-night inspiration while my patients sleep. I study the tools and the odds and ends. I check out the EKG monitors and the respiratory tools. Sometimes I even peek into the OR's, and just look at what an awe-inspiring place it really is.

I have this dream of who I will be one day. After all the curses of youth wear away and I achieve all my dreams, I dream that I will be an exceptional ER/Trauma Nurse. I dream of being a flight medic, of simply being great. PACU reminds me of an ER, so I wander there, staring into the empty room and playing out senarios in my mind of who I will be when I get there.

"Looks like V-Fib!" I yell to the doctor as we rush a patient from the ambulance to the nearest trauma room. The doctor puts on his gloves and runs into the room to help me attach the patient to the EKG and we watch as it begins to read V-Fib.

"We need to shock him." The doctor determines. "Charge the paddles to 300." He yells and I turn on the defibrillator and set it to 300 jules.

"Clear!" The doctor yells and we all stand back, hands up as he presses the paddles to the patients chest. All eyes are on the heart monitor as the rhythm stays in V-fib. The doctor looks up and then to the patient. "Damnit. We need to shock again- charge to 300!"
Again I charge the defibrillator and we watch as the doctor presses the paddles to the patients chest, however this time we smile as we see the heart rhythmn return to normal sinus rhythm.
"Good work staff." The doctor says, smiling at his team. "We just saved a life."

A call light awakens me from my day dream and I run down the hall to help assist my patient with their needs, and suddenly I realize that I am living a dream I had once upon a time about myself. I dreamed about working for a big-name hospital in a big city, where I could do all the things i had been taught and then some. Where the nurses wanted to work with me and I could become something more when I was ready to grow.

As I sit down at the nurses station and begin to write this, I realize that I am pretty damn inspired considering the job I do, and I take a moment to think. All my life had been go, go, go and I lived in fast forward to get to my dreams.

But I think my nurse was right. I needed to slow down, to experience what I am doing, learn everything I can and then move on. "Dani, you are young. Your apparently smart because the youngest person here besides you is 26. You have alot you can learn here, so learn everything you can and wait for yourself to be ready to achieve your dreams."

I have alot of dreams for myself. In my career I have this vision of me in green ER scrubs with blood stains on my uniform and no time to do my hair. In my life I have this fantasy of this amazing family I will have and an amazing mother I will be. In my schooling I have this dream of an amazing GPA and honors in my classes. But in reality, I have this realization of who I am. And I can handle that for now. I have alot to learn in the meantime, and great mentors who are willing to teach me everything they can until then.

Hanging up the stethoscope again I realize that the simplicity and the experiences I am taking are for the best. After all, the best nurses are the ones who have been nurses for a long time. They are the ones who know what they are doing. So in order for me to be the best, to be great, I have to be me for a little while longer.
I can handle that.