We opened the envelope and....

I watched him as he walked slowly to the mailbox, both of us having a gut feeling it wouldn't be there again. I felt my stomach drop as he dug through the mail and then held one envelope alone in a seperate hand. From what we had heard the results come in two ways; if you pass its a large envelope, if its a fail its a small envelope. He was holding a small one.

He jumped into the car and his hands shook as he started to open the letter and I immediately realized that it was the test results. I watched him, feeling the adrenaline pumping through my body, hearing my heart beating in my ears, all I could focus on was what happened when he opened the letter. He paused and looked at me.

"This is it." He said, then took a deep breath. We both knew that either way, one of us would win, but I really wanted him to get in. I wanted him to get his career started, but I also wanted to go to Paramedic school.

He opened the letter and let out a yell, then leaned in and kissed me. I pulled away and grabbed at the papers, looking to see the result. There is was in big bold black letters; PASS. I yelled in excitement and we kissed again, both feeling so excited. The results came, and they were good results to boot!

Some people would consider this a loss on my part, but its the farthest thing from it. I love my job, and this is what he wanted, so while he's studying up on laws, practicing traffic stops and attending classes I can put my focus on other things for a little bit (like a wedding and work!). Depending on the waiting list I may go to a 2 Month EMT-I class, but thats all in the future, and thats all after the paperwork is submitted. But now we know, and now we know what lies ahead...at least for a little bit!

Test Results

For the last week I have been hunting down the mailman. You would think in today's day and age he would bring these long awaited letters and packages sooner in fear of them being taken away from him and placed in the hands of the ever-growing Internet. Instead, I wait, hoping that each day is the day that it comes.

I am waiting for test results for my fiance, which will determine who goes to school first. Paramedic school is 5 days a week, 8-9 hours a day, including ride-along hours, which will take place at any day, any time. He has encouraged me to completely focus on school, so I would have to quit my job. With his certification it is 5-6 days a week, 4-5 hours a day, and is at convenient times, but still, we want him to focus on his certification. Either way I am worried about the results, the fianances, and how it will all work out.

I love my job, and I would hate to quit my job, even if it is for school, but thats the best decision that we can come up with, for both of us. There is no excuse for failure when school is all your doing. But with my evaluation recently coming back with excellent results and the Nurses trusting me to assist them with anything and everything, I would hate to loose what I have. But I would also hate to be where I am at forever.

Because of this I have been getting lost in my thoughts, finding myself thinking about the possibilities that lay ahead. When I go, will I be the oldest in my class? Will I be the youngest in my class? What happens when I graduate? Will I be able to focus all the time? Will it overwhelm me?

I hate swimming in a sea of doubt, so I curse the mailman and get ready for work, ignoring the fact that its his fault we have continued to be this worried about these results. I just close my eyes and try to let things be. However, trying and doing, are two very different things.