Rain patted rhythmically against his window as I walked into his dimly lit room. I could hear him breathing softly and looked to see both him and his wife sleeping soundly, him in his hospital bed, wrapped up in sheets, blankets and pillows, while his young wife slept quietly in a recliner she had drug right next to his bed. Quietly, I wrote my name on the board and left the room, admiring the scene for a moment before I left.
Every now and then human beings suprise me, just when life gets dim, or when things seem to be so out of control things happen that take your breath away and leave you suprised. Humanitiy is a strange thing, and a stranger concept and the thought of all the different cultures, meanings, religions, and people just astound me. Maybe thats why I went into medicine, to embed myself into learning all I can about humanity.
With the lack of excitement the unit holds I am able to sit back and think about things, and play out scenarios in my mind, like how the patient came to be in our care, and how long he had waitied for this last procedure. As I daydreamed, I grabbed his chart and began to learn about my patient. Each sentence got harder and harder to read as I realized that what got him in here was beyond what I could have daydreamed. Mad at myself, I slammed the chart shut, put it away and walked down to the galley. Once protected from the rest of the unit I hung my head and sniffed, unsure about why I was so emotional about a simple diagnosis, but sure that I was wanting more than anything to take away all this poor mans pain.
Rain patted against the window as I sat in an empty room, simply staring out into the dark skies, listening as the rain refused to stop. I wrapped myself tighter in the blanket and looked around the room, looking for anything to inspire me. Sharps container, gloves, trays, suction canisters, soft suction catherters, postivie pressure ventilation masks, oxygen, not even the code blue light could entice me into feeling like the incredibly strong healthcare professional I am.
Saving lives is second nature, caring for human beings is all that I ever wanted to do with my life. Patients consider us 'gods mechanics'. People depend on us, and throughout all that we are trained to do, all that we do in the attempts to save lifes is done for them.
For people. For humanity.
The rain is still patting against those same windows, and the night is still young and dark, but I hold my head high and approach my patients with confidence, because they are depending on me for all their needs. And I am more than willing to help with all of it.
Showing posts with label hospitals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hospitals. Show all posts
Friday, June 12, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Girl Who Lived
Bad nights at work make it that much harder to blog about the next day, and all because I hate to whine, but last night, was one of the worst.Actually arriving an hour early to work, I decided to wander the massive hospital and see what I could discover. It only took me two minutes to find the ED and I was hooked, however I was quickly asked to leave and ended up escorting a patient back to their room, which happened to be on my unit, so I stayed put and studied up on my EMT stuff. After a decent study period I clocked in and started my shift. I had the good section of the unit, almost all private rooms and lots of discharges.
'The nurses must love me.' I thought. This attitude quickly changed.
Suddenly we are halted from entering one of my patients room, and she is on the call light. I suddenly become aware that doctors are everywhere and I quietly stand by the charge nurses desk to try to figure out whats going on. Guess what? The diagnosis wasa respiratory precaution, (I'm sure one of you can guess which one it was) and since lots of us had been in and out of that room, we had all been exposed. Luckily the staff was awfully quick in fitting us for a respirator, and I had to have the one that looked like a spacesuit. I was scared, and moreover, I was worried. This was my 'dirty unit', and during the rest of the week I work in a 'sterile feild,' I didn't want to miss out on work in the unit I loved.
When I saw the patient I cursed myself for not going in there sooner. I cursed myself for not volunteering to help her, and for being as worried as I let myself be. Here was a human being who was sick, scared and now here we are in space suits, she was human, and we weren't treating her as such. We were treating her like her diagnosis.
I couldn't keep up with the work load, and patients were yelling at me for this. Other aides wouldn't help me with my call lights and I was frusterated. Gearing up took 10 minutes, so getting to my one patient took about 15 minutes. Helping others to the restroom usually took 10 minutes, last night took 20. Things were falling behind and noone wanted to listen.
Report was the most frutsterating. The aides wouldn't listen, they wanted to read what the 'computer said.' Well, the computer was wrong on almost ALL the diagnosis' and was simply for the HUC's purpose. Finally, I had to explain my respiratory precautions patient to the new aide. She was a sweet gal, but she really didn't understand why she needed to go in there at all. "But we will be exposed!" She said.
"Yes, we will, but if you wear this respirator and report that you went in there, then you will be okay, they will fill out the appropriate paperwork and if you have symptoms, call and you will get the time off work." I looked at her and turned off the monitor so that she could look at me. "She is scared. She is sick and she is human." I said slowly, the aide looked confused and I told her the diagnosis. The aide's face fell.
"She has WHAT?!?" she exclaimed. I nodded, that was pretty much my reaction too.
"She is scared. She is sick. It is our JOB to care for her. She is the same as any other patient, you just wear a respirator." As she wrote down the details I sat back in the chair and exhaled slowly. Patient's yelling at me, threats for following simple orders, scary diagnosis', and all the crap in between. I love my job, and last night, I did my job, but not as well as I wanted to. And I HATE that.
'The nurses must love me.' I thought. This attitude quickly changed.
Suddenly we are halted from entering one of my patients room, and she is on the call light. I suddenly become aware that doctors are everywhere and I quietly stand by the charge nurses desk to try to figure out whats going on. Guess what? The diagnosis wasa respiratory precaution, (I'm sure one of you can guess which one it was) and since lots of us had been in and out of that room, we had all been exposed. Luckily the staff was awfully quick in fitting us for a respirator, and I had to have the one that looked like a spacesuit. I was scared, and moreover, I was worried. This was my 'dirty unit', and during the rest of the week I work in a 'sterile feild,' I didn't want to miss out on work in the unit I loved.
When I saw the patient I cursed myself for not going in there sooner. I cursed myself for not volunteering to help her, and for being as worried as I let myself be. Here was a human being who was sick, scared and now here we are in space suits, she was human, and we weren't treating her as such. We were treating her like her diagnosis.
I couldn't keep up with the work load, and patients were yelling at me for this. Other aides wouldn't help me with my call lights and I was frusterated. Gearing up took 10 minutes, so getting to my one patient took about 15 minutes. Helping others to the restroom usually took 10 minutes, last night took 20. Things were falling behind and noone wanted to listen.
Report was the most frutsterating. The aides wouldn't listen, they wanted to read what the 'computer said.' Well, the computer was wrong on almost ALL the diagnosis' and was simply for the HUC's purpose. Finally, I had to explain my respiratory precautions patient to the new aide. She was a sweet gal, but she really didn't understand why she needed to go in there at all. "But we will be exposed!" She said.
"Yes, we will, but if you wear this respirator and report that you went in there, then you will be okay, they will fill out the appropriate paperwork and if you have symptoms, call and you will get the time off work." I looked at her and turned off the monitor so that she could look at me. "She is scared. She is sick and she is human." I said slowly, the aide looked confused and I told her the diagnosis. The aide's face fell.
"She has WHAT?!?" she exclaimed. I nodded, that was pretty much my reaction too.
"She is scared. She is sick. It is our JOB to care for her. She is the same as any other patient, you just wear a respirator." As she wrote down the details I sat back in the chair and exhaled slowly. Patient's yelling at me, threats for following simple orders, scary diagnosis', and all the crap in between. I love my job, and last night, I did my job, but not as well as I wanted to. And I HATE that.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The Body Never Lies - How we Communicate
Generally speaking my unit slows down around 5 pm. PACU, Pre-Op and the OR staff all goes home. Doctors either go to other hospitals or home to their families. Nurses slowly make their way out of the building and we arrive for night shift to a generally quiet hospital. Tonight however, was something far different than what I was used to, as I arrived to work. Jumping between helping in PACU and my unit, I got to see snippets of what goes on during the days, during the busy times and during our shifts, and was reminded of a huge factor that is often overlooked as a big part of medicine. Communication.
Verbal Orders, reports, standing orders, charts, rounds, phone reports, written orders; there are literally hundreds of ways we communicate to one another in a hospital. The communication never ends; from physican to residents, residents to nurses, nurses to CNA's, and so on and so forth. Communication is the number one tool to accurate diagnositcs.
This last weekend I went to Las Vegas and got a chance to see the 'Bodies' Exhibit, located at the Luxor. When you first enter the exhibit you see a painted quote on the wall in big bold letters, reading; "The Body Never Lies." When we think about communication, we think of it as one human being to another, but in medicine communication continues down to a cellular level. We quickly learn to listen to the body, not the lies, because as Dr. House says 'Everybody lies.'
A prime example of this was during my clinicals on an ambulance, we got called to a 'unknown cause' to a pretty familiar spot downtown. When we picked up our patient it was a young female who complained of loss of bladder control and abdominal pain. I asked two questions; "Are you Pregnant?" and "Are you sexually active?" Both questions she replied no to. The paramedic I was shadowing placed his stethoscope to her stomach and then asked if he could palpate her abdomen. Whatever kicked his hand in return proved otherwise.
Tonight we asked a patient if he has any allergies. If we were to listen to the patient, we would've given him multiple doses of a medication that would have ultimately killed him should we have listened only to him. However, we noticed the hives appear up and down his the soft tissues on his arms, stomach and back and immediately quit the dosages of that medication. He informed us later on that he knew he was allergic and 'forgot' to mention it to us. Good thing the body never lies.
As I'm writing this communication is going on all around me. Patients are talking to their loved ones, the nurse is figuring out the medication reports, and I have a chart open next to me as I chart the post-op vitals. The phone will ring as physicans call in, gathering information about their patients, and I am sitting here, writing about all that goes on around me, and embracing it.
Imagine a hospital with no communication, with no way of telling others the care you gave, the patients condition, imagine our world without communication. Would we even exsist?
Verbal Orders, reports, standing orders, charts, rounds, phone reports, written orders; there are literally hundreds of ways we communicate to one another in a hospital. The communication never ends; from physican to residents, residents to nurses, nurses to CNA's, and so on and so forth. Communication is the number one tool to accurate diagnositcs.
This last weekend I went to Las Vegas and got a chance to see the 'Bodies' Exhibit, located at the Luxor. When you first enter the exhibit you see a painted quote on the wall in big bold letters, reading; "The Body Never Lies." When we think about communication, we think of it as one human being to another, but in medicine communication continues down to a cellular level. We quickly learn to listen to the body, not the lies, because as Dr. House says 'Everybody lies.'
A prime example of this was during my clinicals on an ambulance, we got called to a 'unknown cause' to a pretty familiar spot downtown. When we picked up our patient it was a young female who complained of loss of bladder control and abdominal pain. I asked two questions; "Are you Pregnant?" and "Are you sexually active?" Both questions she replied no to. The paramedic I was shadowing placed his stethoscope to her stomach and then asked if he could palpate her abdomen. Whatever kicked his hand in return proved otherwise.
Tonight we asked a patient if he has any allergies. If we were to listen to the patient, we would've given him multiple doses of a medication that would have ultimately killed him should we have listened only to him. However, we noticed the hives appear up and down his the soft tissues on his arms, stomach and back and immediately quit the dosages of that medication. He informed us later on that he knew he was allergic and 'forgot' to mention it to us. Good thing the body never lies.
As I'm writing this communication is going on all around me. Patients are talking to their loved ones, the nurse is figuring out the medication reports, and I have a chart open next to me as I chart the post-op vitals. The phone will ring as physicans call in, gathering information about their patients, and I am sitting here, writing about all that goes on around me, and embracing it.
Imagine a hospital with no communication, with no way of telling others the care you gave, the patients condition, imagine our world without communication. Would we even exsist?
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Humanity : The Search for Something
Humanity is always in search of something. We search for more, we search for less, we search for simple things, and the most complicated of things, and when you work the job I do, you see the search daily. EMT's, CNA's, RN's, Paramedics, we all are exposed to this battle for searching for something, and so we search for outlets. Some use sports as an athletic outlet, others art, and some of us use writing, but almost every human being uses music as a part of their lives. Music plays an enormous part in being human beings, and so we embrace it for its multiple qualities.
Every day when I drive into work I set my Ipod to my 'Hospital Playlist.' Its taken me quite awhile to compile this playlist, and the songs include the following:
Life is short - Butterfly Boucher / Where I stood - Missy Higgins / Be Ok - Ingrid Michaelson / Kristy, Are you doing okay? - The Offspring / Peace of Mind- Boston / Prayer of the Children - Kurt Bestor / Sky - Joshua Radin / Fools Like Me - Lisa Loeb / Broken - Lifehouse / Here's to the Night - Eve 6 / A Call to Courage - William Ross
Each song has a special meaning to me, from EMT training courses or even as simple as the lyrics mirroring the feelings I harbor concerning my life. Each song helps me focus on what my job is really about.
Working in a hospital isn't just about answering call lights and taking vital signs. Its about helping other human beings cope while in terrifying situations that may only occur a handful of times in the span of their lives. Its about connecting with human beings on a deeper level than you can as a RN or a Paramedic, simply because you have more time to do so. When taking classes to get my CNA, my teacher read a study to us that in a day at a hosptial, care center or doctors office, on average a doctor will see a patient for about 1 minute and 45 seconds, a nurse will spend 7 minutes with a patient, but a CNA will spend over 3 hours with their patients.
As I drove into work today this playlist, like every night at work, played loudly, and I tried to absorb the inspiration as I prepared myself to go to work. We don't have a job where we can post photos of our families, friends and children in our cubicles and talk about them during lunch breaks, heck we are lucky if we even obtain a lunch break during some shifts. We have a job where our lives end at the time clock and are placed on hold until we clock out. Finally, I was ready to head into work, and did so.
Before every shift I work without fail I do two things, the first, I say the EMT's prayer, and second I ask myself 'what will I learn from my patients?'
In my city there isn't much diversity, even in the heart of the state capitol. Generally speaking, I deal with middle-aged caucasian patients, on both units that I work on, so when I arrived at work and heard someone say 'Gurl lemme tell you somethin bout Jesus,' I was a little bit suprised to say the least (not the part about Jesus, but a different dialect of english!). When I arrived in the patients room during introductions I smiled to see an African American man and a woman who looked to be from an Asian ethnicity. Both were minorities in our population, and both were a breath of fresh air.
"Lemme tell you somethin." The man tells me as I write my name on the white board. "You need to know this if your gonna love sumbody." I turn and smile at him. Growing up I spent a few years living in Chicago and was used to this, but not where I am at, and was loving the flashbacks. "Gurl you gotta sleep on your left next to the woman you love, then they are close to your heart, and that is love. You understand me?" Watching my patient and their loved one I realized that 20 minutes into my shift and I already had my lesson for the night.
As I got to know my patients I had come to realize that they were in search of something simple, healing. When I asked for the patient wish while in our unit the reply was; "I want to heal, I want to be healthy again." The search was an easy one, to find their way back to a pain-free happy life that they once had.
So while they sleep tonight I put on my playlist and continued to listen carefully to the lyrics, because while they search for their wishes, I too am human and am searching for inspiration to help me help my patients.
How to save a life - The Fray / Big Sweet Life - John Dee Graham / Soundtrack to Your Life - Ashley Parker Angel / The Climb - Miley Cyrus / Into the Fire - Thirteen Senses
Every day when I drive into work I set my Ipod to my 'Hospital Playlist.' Its taken me quite awhile to compile this playlist, and the songs include the following:
Life is short - Butterfly Boucher / Where I stood - Missy Higgins / Be Ok - Ingrid Michaelson / Kristy, Are you doing okay? - The Offspring / Peace of Mind- Boston / Prayer of the Children - Kurt Bestor / Sky - Joshua Radin / Fools Like Me - Lisa Loeb / Broken - Lifehouse / Here's to the Night - Eve 6 / A Call to Courage - William Ross
Each song has a special meaning to me, from EMT training courses or even as simple as the lyrics mirroring the feelings I harbor concerning my life. Each song helps me focus on what my job is really about.
Working in a hospital isn't just about answering call lights and taking vital signs. Its about helping other human beings cope while in terrifying situations that may only occur a handful of times in the span of their lives. Its about connecting with human beings on a deeper level than you can as a RN or a Paramedic, simply because you have more time to do so. When taking classes to get my CNA, my teacher read a study to us that in a day at a hosptial, care center or doctors office, on average a doctor will see a patient for about 1 minute and 45 seconds, a nurse will spend 7 minutes with a patient, but a CNA will spend over 3 hours with their patients.
As I drove into work today this playlist, like every night at work, played loudly, and I tried to absorb the inspiration as I prepared myself to go to work. We don't have a job where we can post photos of our families, friends and children in our cubicles and talk about them during lunch breaks, heck we are lucky if we even obtain a lunch break during some shifts. We have a job where our lives end at the time clock and are placed on hold until we clock out. Finally, I was ready to head into work, and did so.
Before every shift I work without fail I do two things, the first, I say the EMT's prayer, and second I ask myself 'what will I learn from my patients?'
In my city there isn't much diversity, even in the heart of the state capitol. Generally speaking, I deal with middle-aged caucasian patients, on both units that I work on, so when I arrived at work and heard someone say 'Gurl lemme tell you somethin bout Jesus,' I was a little bit suprised to say the least (not the part about Jesus, but a different dialect of english!). When I arrived in the patients room during introductions I smiled to see an African American man and a woman who looked to be from an Asian ethnicity. Both were minorities in our population, and both were a breath of fresh air.
"Lemme tell you somethin." The man tells me as I write my name on the white board. "You need to know this if your gonna love sumbody." I turn and smile at him. Growing up I spent a few years living in Chicago and was used to this, but not where I am at, and was loving the flashbacks. "Gurl you gotta sleep on your left next to the woman you love, then they are close to your heart, and that is love. You understand me?" Watching my patient and their loved one I realized that 20 minutes into my shift and I already had my lesson for the night.
As I got to know my patients I had come to realize that they were in search of something simple, healing. When I asked for the patient wish while in our unit the reply was; "I want to heal, I want to be healthy again." The search was an easy one, to find their way back to a pain-free happy life that they once had.
So while they sleep tonight I put on my playlist and continued to listen carefully to the lyrics, because while they search for their wishes, I too am human and am searching for inspiration to help me help my patients.
How to save a life - The Fray / Big Sweet Life - John Dee Graham / Soundtrack to Your Life - Ashley Parker Angel / The Climb - Miley Cyrus / Into the Fire - Thirteen Senses
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Family
"Would you believe it has been almost ten years since I have seen my kids?" A patient asks me last night. "They are coming tonight, so I guess I just have to stay sick if I want to see them."
With Mothers Day being on Sunday and having family in town, and even leaving town to see Family this subject has been sitting heavy on my mind for the last few days. It seems to be all that the world wants me to focus on, with good reason.
People are really strange. When it comes to their health they either get admitted to the hospital without an illness or too far into their illness. They find ways to judge their place in life by who was able to visit them, not by who cared for them upon their arrival home. They take advantage of their loved ones, and they are oblivious as to what they can do to help.
I remember when my family has been in the hospital, and now that I work in one I really feel bad about it. I get militant, I get mean, but my family gets the care they need. The families aren't always so observant, and I have two emotions for that. Relieved- they are able to get great advice and just talk to their family, and Sad- because they are unaware of the condition their family member is really in.
I grew up with just me and my little brother, and my family made me remember it, when we had our spats, like all siblings to, I was reminded that I had to be nice to him, he was all I have. Unfortunately with my family, its true. I only have one, and we are so small that sometimes its depressing. As I am learning about life, and as I am seeing families, I see more and more people taking theirs for granted- inside and outside of the hospital.
Looking back on it and as I am seeing todays trends and society, I was raised very old fashioned. We said 'No sir, Yes Ma'am', 'Please,' and 'Thank you.' We held open doors for women, small children and the elderly. If it was something you wouldn't tell Jesus, you sure as hell wouldn't say it to your folks. But in todays day and age it seems like all of that has faded by the wayside and people don't understand the importance of their families anymore.
Over the last few months my family has expanded, not by law, not by marriage, not by childbirth, but by what I consider family. When it comes to family, its not always forced. Its finding someone who is willing to accept you and treat you like a part of their family, its finding someone who you can learn from, who you can love and have the feeling returned. Someone who will help you be the best you possible.
With Mothers Day being on Sunday and having family in town, and even leaving town to see Family this subject has been sitting heavy on my mind for the last few days. It seems to be all that the world wants me to focus on, with good reason.
People are really strange. When it comes to their health they either get admitted to the hospital without an illness or too far into their illness. They find ways to judge their place in life by who was able to visit them, not by who cared for them upon their arrival home. They take advantage of their loved ones, and they are oblivious as to what they can do to help.
I remember when my family has been in the hospital, and now that I work in one I really feel bad about it. I get militant, I get mean, but my family gets the care they need. The families aren't always so observant, and I have two emotions for that. Relieved- they are able to get great advice and just talk to their family, and Sad- because they are unaware of the condition their family member is really in.
I grew up with just me and my little brother, and my family made me remember it, when we had our spats, like all siblings to, I was reminded that I had to be nice to him, he was all I have. Unfortunately with my family, its true. I only have one, and we are so small that sometimes its depressing. As I am learning about life, and as I am seeing families, I see more and more people taking theirs for granted- inside and outside of the hospital.
Looking back on it and as I am seeing todays trends and society, I was raised very old fashioned. We said 'No sir, Yes Ma'am', 'Please,' and 'Thank you.' We held open doors for women, small children and the elderly. If it was something you wouldn't tell Jesus, you sure as hell wouldn't say it to your folks. But in todays day and age it seems like all of that has faded by the wayside and people don't understand the importance of their families anymore.
Over the last few months my family has expanded, not by law, not by marriage, not by childbirth, but by what I consider family. When it comes to family, its not always forced. Its finding someone who is willing to accept you and treat you like a part of their family, its finding someone who you can learn from, who you can love and have the feeling returned. Someone who will help you be the best you possible.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Dreaming of a Bright Future
Around my neck hangs a stethoscope. It is simple, black and has a double sided head, one for adults, the other for peds. It is such a simple tool, with a single purpose. However, that stethoscope makes my whole job that much easier, and I couldn't function without it. I am like that stethoscope. My job is simple, with a single purpose, saving lives.
At night the PACU (Post-Anestethic Care Unit) closes down and I find myself wandering the small unit in hopes of finding late-night inspiration while my patients sleep. I study the tools and the odds and ends. I check out the EKG monitors and the respiratory tools. Sometimes I even peek into the OR's, and just look at what an awe-inspiring place it really is.
I have this dream of who I will be one day. After all the curses of youth wear away and I achieve all my dreams, I dream that I will be an exceptional ER/Trauma Nurse. I dream of being a flight medic, of simply being great. PACU reminds me of an ER, so I wander there, staring into the empty room and playing out senarios in my mind of who I will be when I get there.
"Looks like V-Fib!" I yell to the doctor as we rush a patient from the ambulance to the nearest trauma room. The doctor puts on his gloves and runs into the room to help me attach the patient to the EKG and we watch as it begins to read V-Fib.
"We need to shock him." The doctor determines. "Charge the paddles to 300." He yells and I turn on the defibrillator and set it to 300 jules.
"Clear!" The doctor yells and we all stand back, hands up as he presses the paddles to the patients chest. All eyes are on the heart monitor as the rhythm stays in V-fib. The doctor looks up and then to the patient. "Damnit. We need to shock again- charge to 300!"
Again I charge the defibrillator and we watch as the doctor presses the paddles to the patients chest, however this time we smile as we see the heart rhythmn return to normal sinus rhythm.
"Good work staff." The doctor says, smiling at his team. "We just saved a life."
Again I charge the defibrillator and we watch as the doctor presses the paddles to the patients chest, however this time we smile as we see the heart rhythmn return to normal sinus rhythm.
"Good work staff." The doctor says, smiling at his team. "We just saved a life."
A call light awakens me from my day dream and I run down the hall to help assist my patient with their needs, and suddenly I realize that I am living a dream I had once upon a time about myself. I dreamed about working for a big-name hospital in a big city, where I could do all the things i had been taught and then some. Where the nurses wanted to work with me and I could become something more when I was ready to grow. 
As I sit down at the nurses station and begin to write this, I realize that I am pretty damn inspired considering the job I do, and I take a moment to think. All my life had been go, go, go and I lived in fast forward to get to my dreams.
But I think my nurse was right. I needed to slow down, to experience what I am doing, learn everything I can and then move on. "Dani, you are young. Your apparently smart because the youngest person here besides you is 26. You have alot you can learn here, so learn everything you can and wait for yourself to be ready to achieve your dreams."
I have alot of dreams for myself. In my career I have this vision of me in green ER scrubs with blood stains on my uniform and no time to do my hair. In my life I have this fantasy of this amazing family I will have and an amazing mother I will be. In my schooling I have this dream of an amazing GPA and honors in my classes. But in reality, I have this realization of who I am. And I can handle that for now. I have alot to learn in the meantime, and great mentors who are willing to teach me everything they can until then.
Hanging up the stethoscope again I realize that the simplicity and the experiences I am taking are for the best. After all, the best nurses are the ones who have been nurses for a long time. They are the ones who know what they are doing. So in order for me to be the best, to be great, I have to be me for a little while longer.
I can handle that.
I can handle that.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Meet the Medic
It has come to my attention that I have not formally introduced myself, so I figured todays blog would be about something simple; me.
I am 20, which is incredibly young, but still old enough to deal with the things that I deal with on a day-to-day basis. And for only being 20 I have had a hell of a life, between things involved in work, school and just life.
At 15 years old I signed up for the CNA class at the technical center in high school. I did it as part of a bet. My dad and I agreed that if I did tech center I wouldn't have to do seminary. I was sold and I looked for the two shortest classes they had available. It was CNA or Vet Tech and I took CNA, figuring that even if I hated it, I would have a job for the rest of my life. The following school year I had CNA first thing in the morning, got fitted for scrubs and got given a stethoscope and was sold.
100 clinical hours in a care center and 16 hours in a hospital passed and I graduated my CNA class as the youngest aide in my class. My parents were proud, I was excited and at 16 years old I had certification to a job I knew I would love. I was also that much closer to becoming a Nurse.
That following year I signed up to test into the EMT class. I had been looking forward to it since the graduation of my CNA class and was very excited to test, let alone get into it. However, on the day I had to test into it I was very sick. My mom was going to take me into insta-care that afternoon but I insisted on taking the EMT test first. I hadn't been out of bed in a few days and had never left the house without my hair and makeup done before this day. I put on my CNA scrubs and put my hair in a ponytail and slowly got to the testing center.
As soon as I walked in I felt ...better. I did the color-blindness test, dead-lifted the 125 t
o my waist with ease and did the speed and accuracy tests like I was fine. As soon as I left, the cold hit me and I was diagnosed with broncitis, possible pneumonia, and a eye infection. However, after a high dose of antibiotics and a few weeks later, I got accepted. I figured it was a sign.
After that it was all about EMS. My plans changed. I wanted nothing more than to become a Paramedic, because that was a job that I knew would be all about saving lives. It was fast paced- it was intense, and it was perfect for my plans in my life.
At State Competitions, my partner and I took 6th place out of about, 20 or more teams. However, that night I lost two of the best people in the world, my grandfather and my best friend (totally unrelated). It was the hardest time in my life, but I kept going and I graduated EMT as one of the youngest medics, but near the top of my class. I was proud of myself. I did it!
The stuff that I didn't mention were the things that everyone has had to live with. The joys and dramas of high school, of missing out on parties because we had to study, but outside of those petty things, were much bigger, more important things that made me who I am today.
In high school I wasn't a girly-girl. I didn't have female friends, I didn't spend time getting manicures, pedicures or getting any other cures for that matter. I had guy friends, and because of them I learned so much. My little brother is 3 years younger than me, and there was no guidebook on how to survive high school, so it was up to me and my friends to discover how, and they saved my life.
Instead of getting manicures, I was digging things out of my buddies hands (IE: glass, metal, etc.) Instead of going to party's, I was the DD and took care of anyone who got sick. I used what I learned on a daily basis, and it made me better at what I do. I even started working at a Nursing Home at the age of 17. However, I didn't listen when anyone said that it would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do. It was. It is.
No one should have to deal with death at the age of 17. No one should have to tell a patients family that they had passed away at that age. No one that young should of had to deal with post-mortem care, but I did. I have done that, and its terribly hard. So, it wasn't a big deal when I quit working the care center a year and a half later to go into an office job.
But I missed the medical field. For a moment there I wanted to change my mind, I wanted to become a writer instead and live my childhood dream of being a world-famous journalist, but instead I realized that it was what I was meant to do. At least for now, so I applied, applied and applied some more. On average I put in 95 job applications in a month. Until one day, I finally got a call to come in and interview.
It wasn't the job I wanted. It wasn't the hours I wanted, and it sure as heck wasn't a job I could take. But the interviewer liked what she saw and a week later they had a job open for me. It must have been fate, because the very day she called me a very difficult thing had happened in my personal life and it was the open door I needed to start a new life.
Since then I have been working my primary and secondary units, learning so much about anything that I could and everything that I needed to. After an awfully rough night my friend (another EMT) told me about his blog, and how it helps him feel better. So I tried it, and didn't like it. But after a few episodes of Grey's Anatomy my boyfriend suggested that my blog go like that. And here it is.
If I didn't answer any questions about myself that you as my readers would like to know, please e-mail me at bmxchic7@yahoo.com.
I am 20, which is incredibly young, but still old enough to deal with the things that I deal with on a day-to-day basis. And for only being 20 I have had a hell of a life, between things involved in work, school and just life.
At 15 years old I signed up for the CNA class at the technical center in high school. I did it as part of a bet. My dad and I agreed that if I did tech center I wouldn't have to do seminary. I was sold and I looked for the two shortest classes they had available. It was CNA or Vet Tech and I took CNA, figuring that even if I hated it, I would have a job for the rest of my life. The following school year I had CNA first thing in the morning, got fitted for scrubs and got given a stethoscope and was sold.
100 clinical hours in a care center and 16 hours in a hospital passed and I graduated my CNA class as the youngest aide in my class. My parents were proud, I was excited and at 16 years old I had certification to a job I knew I would love. I was also that much closer to becoming a Nurse.
That following year I signed up to test into the EMT class. I had been looking forward to it since the graduation of my CNA class and was very excited to test, let alone get into it. However, on the day I had to test into it I was very sick. My mom was going to take me into insta-care that afternoon but I insisted on taking the EMT test first. I hadn't been out of bed in a few days and had never left the house without my hair and makeup done before this day. I put on my CNA scrubs and put my hair in a ponytail and slowly got to the testing center.
As soon as I walked in I felt ...better. I did the color-blindness test, dead-lifted the 125 t
o my waist with ease and did the speed and accuracy tests like I was fine. As soon as I left, the cold hit me and I was diagnosed with broncitis, possible pneumonia, and a eye infection. However, after a high dose of antibiotics and a few weeks later, I got accepted. I figured it was a sign.After that it was all about EMS. My plans changed. I wanted nothing more than to become a Paramedic, because that was a job that I knew would be all about saving lives. It was fast paced- it was intense, and it was perfect for my plans in my life.
At State Competitions, my partner and I took 6th place out of about, 20 or more teams. However, that night I lost two of the best people in the world, my grandfather and my best friend (totally unrelated). It was the hardest time in my life, but I kept going and I graduated EMT as one of the youngest medics, but near the top of my class. I was proud of myself. I did it!
The stuff that I didn't mention were the things that everyone has had to live with. The joys and dramas of high school, of missing out on parties because we had to study, but outside of those petty things, were much bigger, more important things that made me who I am today.
In high school I wasn't a girly-girl. I didn't have female friends, I didn't spend time getting manicures, pedicures or getting any other cures for that matter. I had guy friends, and because of them I learned so much. My little brother is 3 years younger than me, and there was no guidebook on how to survive high school, so it was up to me and my friends to discover how, and they saved my life.
Instead of getting manicures, I was digging things out of my buddies hands (IE: glass, metal, etc.) Instead of going to party's, I was the DD and took care of anyone who got sick. I used what I learned on a daily basis, and it made me better at what I do. I even started working at a Nursing Home at the age of 17. However, I didn't listen when anyone said that it would be the hardest thing I would ever have to do. It was. It is.
No one should have to deal with death at the age of 17. No one should have to tell a patients family that they had passed away at that age. No one that young should of had to deal with post-mortem care, but I did. I have done that, and its terribly hard. So, it wasn't a big deal when I quit working the care center a year and a half later to go into an office job.
But I missed the medical field. For a moment there I wanted to change my mind, I wanted to become a writer instead and live my childhood dream of being a world-famous journalist, but instead I realized that it was what I was meant to do. At least for now, so I applied, applied and applied some more. On average I put in 95 job applications in a month. Until one day, I finally got a call to come in and interview.
It wasn't the job I wanted. It wasn't the hours I wanted, and it sure as heck wasn't a job I could take. But the interviewer liked what she saw and a week later they had a job open for me. It must have been fate, because the very day she called me a very difficult thing had happened in my personal life and it was the open door I needed to start a new life.
Since then I have been working my primary and secondary units, learning so much about anything that I could and everything that I needed to. After an awfully rough night my friend (another EMT) told me about his blog, and how it helps him feel better. So I tried it, and didn't like it. But after a few episodes of Grey's Anatomy my boyfriend suggested that my blog go like that. And here it is.
If I didn't answer any questions about myself that you as my readers would like to know, please e-mail me at bmxchic7@yahoo.com.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Addiction
Everyone, and I mean everyone has an addiction.
It may not be the typical kind of addictions we hear about all the time on or the disastrous kinds we read about, but everyone has one. Over the last few weeks I have had some terribly rough nights at work, dealing with patients who have been admitted to our hospital for addictions- but as one of the night nurses I work with has always said;
'EVERYONE have a vice, EVERYONE has an addiction, and it will be their own downfall.'
It's true.
I have friends who have chosen caffeine as their addiction. I know members of my extended family who have chosen food. I have friends who have found themselves addicted to lighter things, like popular movies and television shows. I know nurses who have chosen sugar and candy. But we don't see most of these as addictions, and they really are. But it took someone who needed that extra hit of Demerol to help me realize this
My addictions won't kill me, and society won't look down at me for them, but I have them. My addictions are simple things that get me through the day, such as caffeine when I'm working anything more than 4 hours, or Grey's Anatomy re-runs to get me through days off.
In medicine a lot of people judge, and the more I work my secondary unit the more I realize it is true. We are taught not to judge, we are taught not to discriminate, but we are human.
I hate that the staff does this. I understand their thinking, but its difficult for me to want to agree with them. (Thank goodness we only have to help our patients with their addictions for 8 hours, think about living with it.) Yes, working with a drug addict is time consuming and hard to do, but its also very insightful.
Last night I had a few patients working on their own addiction. And I did what I do every shift during downtime.
I asked myself 'what can I learn from these patients?'
Do not misunderstand me by any means- I am not supporting their addictions because its a painful, expensive and life altering vice. But we are more like our patients than we think- and all we can do is treat them like family, and absorb as much knowledge as we can from them.
Addiction is a painful thing. Its also an incredibly simple one.
http://www.helpguide.org/
It may not be the typical kind of addictions we hear about all the time on or the disastrous kinds we read about, but everyone has one. Over the last few weeks I have had some terribly rough nights at work, dealing with patients who have been admitted to our hospital for addictions- but as one of the night nurses I work with has always said;
'EVERYONE have a vice, EVERYONE has an addiction, and it will be their own downfall.'
It's true.
I have friends who have chosen caffeine as their addiction. I know members of my extended family who have chosen food. I have friends who have found themselves addicted to lighter things, like popular movies and television shows. I know nurses who have chosen sugar and candy. But we don't see most of these as addictions, and they really are. But it took someone who needed that extra hit of Demerol to help me realize this
My addictions won't kill me, and society won't look down at me for them, but I have them. My addictions are simple things that get me through the day, such as caffeine when I'm working anything more than 4 hours, or Grey's Anatomy re-runs to get me through days off.
In medicine a lot of people judge, and the more I work my secondary unit the more I realize it is true. We are taught not to judge, we are taught not to discriminate, but we are human.
I hate that the staff does this. I understand their thinking, but its difficult for me to want to agree with them. (Thank goodness we only have to help our patients with their addictions for 8 hours, think about living with it.) Yes, working with a drug addict is time consuming and hard to do, but its also very insightful.
Last night I had a few patients working on their own addiction. And I did what I do every shift during downtime.
I asked myself 'what can I learn from these patients?'
The answer is simple: We are all in fact, human. They have judgements, just as we do. They have addictions, so do we. And when they fail themselves, they feel the same way we do- we feel human.
Do not misunderstand me by any means- I am not supporting their addictions because its a painful, expensive and life altering vice. But we are more like our patients than we think- and all we can do is treat them like family, and absorb as much knowledge as we can from them.
Addiction is a painful thing. Its also an incredibly simple one.
http://www.helpguide.org/
Monday, April 27, 2009
Thoughts from a Medic
Apparently sleep is hard for me to come by, seeing that I am writing this at 0645 am. I work nights, so this is the eqivalent of a 9-5er blogging at 0200. My job has me working odd hours all week long, but the worst of it is that I take home stresses with me, and its hard to stay asleep when thoughts fly through your mind.
Thats why I started this blog. Not just to get the thoughts out of my head, but to help others learn a little bit about what we do as medical professionals, to inspire others, because we don't only learn from school or from our clinicals, we learn from each day we take on the job.
People make fun of country music, saying that if you take a country song and turn it backwards you get your car back, your house back and your wife back. Sad part is its true- but not just that, but that country music is about life- and lately life has been one hell of a country song. Patients after patients come into my care and have horrible stories to tell. Accidents and falls that keep them from holding jobs in these economic times, body parts going bad and causing unthinkable pain and damage to their bodies. I have spoken to patients whose hearts have stopped beating the day before, who had a baby and haven't seen it since its own birth. I have seen alot of things for being only 20.
Part of my rituals nowadays is to watch CMT and listen to country songs, to help me get my mind in order, that and take away the stresses. Life goes way too fast as it is- and we keep piling up the stresses. I am the most guilty of this- but I took off each stress, one by one slowly as if it were clothing after a long hard day, and buried myself in focusing on perfecting the things I couldn't get rid of.However, there are things that you can't get rid of, even if its not the perfect definition. Like family.
When I first started dating my boyfriend Bubba, his mother had an operation. When we went to visit her in the hospital it dawned on me that you really see two very different worlds in the medical field. You see the best in people, in family and friends as they come see their loved ones, and the worst in the patient, who is medicated, tired, in pain, and probably scared to death. But despite seeing their family member in bad shape, they come anyways. Because of this epiphany, I told my boyfriend we couldn't get hitched until I was hospitalized, just so he could see me at my worst, because anyone who could still love someone after a hospitlization, was 'the one.'
Since this declaration I have come to realize that your family isn't always your biological family. Your family can be friends, other peoples family, co-workers, or your own family. My family has expanded so much in the last few months. Besides my biological family, I have my friends, who I have known for years, who have saved me, and I have saved them. They are my brothers and I am their sister, and I know with them they help keep me safe. I have my 'other' family, so to speak, that if one day I was to marry my boyfriend, my 'other' family would be my in-laws, who are just like parents, but also like friends. I have my co-workers, my night nurses at my primary unit who are like my aunts or older sisters, just waiting for that moment to fall into place to take action.
Another stress you can't get rid of is work. And since realizing that my idea of 'living the dream' was creating stress, I had to take a few days off and re-evaluate. What we do in healthcare is due to a complex, or at least a mental deficit. We have god complexes. We believe we have superpowers, and so we take that and run. We are those people who like what we do- even if its disgusting (or awesome, in my opinion) like trauma, burns, emergency care- and think that we are amazing for it. But we kinda are. I mean, who else goes to work, gets to change a life, or even save a life, and then clocks out like its nothing? Not many people.
Life has so many different angles and actions that take place along its course. Lately I have been watching all my friends and family members get married- and yeah, its Utah, so its that age that everyone gets married and has kids, but its still hard to imagine that its actually happening over and over. Meanwhile, I'm just sitting back and enjoying the ride.
"Life is a roller coaster ride - Time turns the wheel and love collides - Faith is believing you can close your eyes and touch the sky -to shine while you have the chance to shine - Laugh even when you want to cry - Hold on tight to what you feel inside - AND RIDE" -Martina Mcbride
Thats why I started this blog. Not just to get the thoughts out of my head, but to help others learn a little bit about what we do as medical professionals, to inspire others, because we don't only learn from school or from our clinicals, we learn from each day we take on the job.
People make fun of country music, saying that if you take a country song and turn it backwards you get your car back, your house back and your wife back. Sad part is its true- but not just that, but that country music is about life- and lately life has been one hell of a country song. Patients after patients come into my care and have horrible stories to tell. Accidents and falls that keep them from holding jobs in these economic times, body parts going bad and causing unthinkable pain and damage to their bodies. I have spoken to patients whose hearts have stopped beating the day before, who had a baby and haven't seen it since its own birth. I have seen alot of things for being only 20.
Part of my rituals nowadays is to watch CMT and listen to country songs, to help me get my mind in order, that and take away the stresses. Life goes way too fast as it is- and we keep piling up the stresses. I am the most guilty of this- but I took off each stress, one by one slowly as if it were clothing after a long hard day, and buried myself in focusing on perfecting the things I couldn't get rid of.However, there are things that you can't get rid of, even if its not the perfect definition. Like family.
When I first started dating my boyfriend Bubba, his mother had an operation. When we went to visit her in the hospital it dawned on me that you really see two very different worlds in the medical field. You see the best in people, in family and friends as they come see their loved ones, and the worst in the patient, who is medicated, tired, in pain, and probably scared to death. But despite seeing their family member in bad shape, they come anyways. Because of this epiphany, I told my boyfriend we couldn't get hitched until I was hospitalized, just so he could see me at my worst, because anyone who could still love someone after a hospitlization, was 'the one.'
Since this declaration I have come to realize that your family isn't always your biological family. Your family can be friends, other peoples family, co-workers, or your own family. My family has expanded so much in the last few months. Besides my biological family, I have my friends, who I have known for years, who have saved me, and I have saved them. They are my brothers and I am their sister, and I know with them they help keep me safe. I have my 'other' family, so to speak, that if one day I was to marry my boyfriend, my 'other' family would be my in-laws, who are just like parents, but also like friends. I have my co-workers, my night nurses at my primary unit who are like my aunts or older sisters, just waiting for that moment to fall into place to take action.
Another stress you can't get rid of is work. And since realizing that my idea of 'living the dream' was creating stress, I had to take a few days off and re-evaluate. What we do in healthcare is due to a complex, or at least a mental deficit. We have god complexes. We believe we have superpowers, and so we take that and run. We are those people who like what we do- even if its disgusting (or awesome, in my opinion) like trauma, burns, emergency care- and think that we are amazing for it. But we kinda are. I mean, who else goes to work, gets to change a life, or even save a life, and then clocks out like its nothing? Not many people.
Life has so many different angles and actions that take place along its course. Lately I have been watching all my friends and family members get married- and yeah, its Utah, so its that age that everyone gets married and has kids, but its still hard to imagine that its actually happening over and over. Meanwhile, I'm just sitting back and enjoying the ride.
"Life is a roller coaster ride - Time turns the wheel and love collides - Faith is believing you can close your eyes and touch the sky -to shine while you have the chance to shine - Laugh even when you want to cry - Hold on tight to what you feel inside - AND RIDE" -Martina Mcbride
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