If you have time to burn...

Then you should check out these sites!

First off, lets start out with one of my personal favorites; http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

This site is dedicated to 'wal-creatures' meaning people that dress completely and totally bizarre and make us laugh. It's cruel- but funny. And sadly, I like that kind of stuff.



I found this site yesterday thanks to one of my readers! http://www.streetanatomy.com/
This site is weird, let me put it to you that way, and it has alot of cool stuff tied into it. The photo (seen left) was pulled from it. The photo itself is of Chinese organ donation. This site features artwork, medical photography and even clothing- check it out, it's really cool!

The next site that I absolutely love is www.autocompleteme.com. It's a funny google search site that features funny searches seen on google. Some of the photos have been shown on other sites, but are finally all together in one location for your viewing pleasure.

One of my personal favorites is www.textsfromlastnight.com. It's hilarious. The slogan is 'remember that text you shouldn't've sent? We do.' It features text messages sent by people around the world. You can even search your area code and state to see the madness that occurs around you. Being a medical professional it's even more hilarious! Enjoy it!

Everyone hates family photos. Everyone thinks they look bad in family portraits. Think again! At www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com you can see what others family photos look like and feel better about yourself instantly! They feature the bad, the worst, and the ugliest things imaginable!

Any other great sites out there that I missed? Send me a comment and let me know- suggestions are always welcome!

I Love my Dad -A Thanksgiving Funny

Let me tell you how awesome my dad is. We had extended family over, which includes a 7-year-old and a 3-year-old. Both we are not familiar with our family at all. They are also girly girls.
During dinner it was the usual battle with young children to eat, so my dad offered to help.

"I don't like chicken!" The 3-year-old said.

"Oh its not chicken." My dad said. "Its big bird."

Her eyes got huge then squinted. 'Nuh-uh.' She retorted. But dad wasn't gonna give up, he set down his fork then smiled at Kanoosh (my little bro), Officer Bubba and I.

"It is!" He exclaimed. "Kanoosh and I hunted him down last week. He jumped on his back, knocked him unconscious and then I clubbed him like a baby seal."

"Oh my!" Grandma chimed in, nearly more horrified than the 3-year-old as she too now stared in awe at this great tale.

This caused me to shoot my coke out my nose and all over my clean shirt. Kanoosh has lost control and is choking on his green beans and Bubba is trying to hide his laugh while I regain composure.

"MOM!" the 3-year-old yelled. "Is this big bird?"

"Yep hunny, turkey is a big bird." her mom replied, apparently not paying attention.

"Told ya so." Dad said, taking a big bite of turkey. "Feathers are in the garage if you don't believe me."

She was very well behaved after that...and quiet.

The 'What on Earth's' continue!

Click to Enlarge. . .

So apparently- now if you type in shittycop.blogspot.com it will take you to my blog. Who knew? Good thing bub is the cop and not me. I would be a shitty cop.

Another 'What on Earth?'

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Dallas TX, I don't know what to tell you, but here at Dani's Anatomy, we carry M&M's into battle just in case we are out of glucose. Nothing works better for those in need than chocolate- plus its good for your skin. What is better than great skin and a life saved?

Not much I tell you. Not much.

Things I am Forbidden from Doing

Things I am no longer allowed to do at work:

1. I am no longer allowed to participate in Gurney surfing

2. I am no longer allowed to be running 12 leads or 3 leads on myself- unless I really am in A-fib.

3. There will be no more powersliding competitions (socks and slippers) with other aides or nurses, irregardless of how slick the floors are.

4. Arranging races for the TKA's at midnight with cash bonuses is now forbidden, and its a bummer, those guys could haul ass with ten bucks on the line.

5. I am no longer allowed to put the 'toes above the nose' by putting the bed in trendelenburg by going so far back that I put holes in the walls.

6. I am no longer allowed to heat soup while having a low blood sugar. (I broke a bunch of bowls that night).

7. No more following doctors around anymore, even though I could totally cut the bandages on a TKA or TSA, examine the surgical site, decide if its okay or not and then re-bandage it. Hell I had to show one of our residents how to do it- it had been THAT LONG for her. On that note-No more asking the doctors big questions. I have had enough residents yell at me over asking surgical questions and being 'just an aide.'

8. I am no longer allowed to make fun of the OR aides when they get queasy and pass out during a surgery, and I sure as hell am not allowed to try to be their medic-that really chaps the attendings ass.

9. Answering the phone with 'what do you want?' is out of the question. Ignoring the doorbell when it rings is also out of the question.

10. Writing that patient 'cries like a little girl' in the nursing notes is not acceptable. Neither is 'patient enjoys the breeze between the knees so much he got nekked.' Also 'pain in the ass' is not acceptable on a behavioral scale.

11. My personal abbreviations do not fly with the staff. They shot me down when a patient spent an entire evening puking. Instead of charting emesis I charted VAV- vile-ass-vomit.

12. No more watching Trauma while at work. Makes me laugh so hard I wake the patients up, and the nurse and I throw food at the computer screen.

13. I am FORBIDDEN from talking about Obama with the nurses. One is pro, the other is very, very, very, anti-Obama. We just avoid politics altogether. Anti-Obama is way too politically smart for her own good. Pro Obama just lets it be.

14. No more trying to start AC IV's on myself. Also hand draws are out of the question, as well as anything that has to do with my right arm and a needle while I am on the clock. If I want to bleed I must clock out.

15. Playing pranks on the cleaning crew by turning on all the lights they turn off causes emotional problems with them. I really should quit, but it is way. too. funny.

I read an article on EMS1.COM from Ambulance Driver about the things he isn't allowed to do, which apparently inspired this. What are you guys no longer allowed to do?

Officer Bubba and Creative Non-Fiction

"Stop, stop, stop!" The teacher said placing a hand in the air and looking at me coldly. I stopped reading aloud and looked up from my paper, confused as to why I was asked to stop.

"What is it?" I asked, setting my paper down.

"Your writing is way too morbid." She said. I stopped and tilted my head, trying to figure out what she was talking about, I had written about a bike crash, no blood, just a shoulder dislocation, and how sad it was. The essay hadn't even gotten to the dislocation yet, so far it was all technical BMX writing.

"How so?" I asked, trying to figure out what she meant.

"Next essay please." She called out.

I think I'll be in trouble, my 'This I Believe' Essay was on 'How bilateral 14g IV's in the antecubital will solve ANY fake emergency from the homeless shelter.' That one, is admittedly more gory, as well as harsh!










In other news, we had the Officer start school this week! He was VERY excited to get his uniforms, some of his equipment as well as his ungodly heavy textbooks. So far he is loving it, but I'll ask that one again in a few weeks!

Welcome to the Unit Newbie

(Frankly this is how my first day felt, and after orienting many aides I feel like this is an appropriate example of life as the new kid. This is a mix between my first day, and theirs. Enjoy!)

1500 -So they finally decided to give us one more aide. Wow. I'm surprised. You have no idea what you have gotten yourself into have you? They did discuss pay, the long hours and the fact that certain members of the staff pride themselves on coming in late right? Did they discuss the flow of patients you aren't trained to care for, their long stays and heavy lifting? How good are you at tackling people? Just asking.
Well then, come on newbie, lets go get your time card made.

1530 -Please newbie, quit asking me to tell you stories about the weird shit that happens at night, all the saves and the love of the job. I am trying to drive. If I have to tell you all about it for you to get excited, you are in the wrong career and are in the wrong unit. This unit prides themselves on aides that try to re-live scenes from 'hello dolly', nurses that shit sunshine, and doctors who hum and whistle the tune from the 'Andy Griffith Show' all I can say is, I hope you can keep up.


1600- Just a hint, the guy who operates the camera for the time cards, has no history in photography. If you smile, you look bad, if you frown you look bad. I know that sky blue makes your head look like its floating above your scrubs and makes your hair look oily. Suck it up and enjoy your picture.
Say cheese!


1700 -Now for the technical crap. Here is your binder. Yes, EVERY paper is a worksheet you need to have filled out to keep this job. Yes, I am very aware that this is a 3-inch-binder and is very full. No, this isn't the only stuff. Each week the people we call 'managers' decide that we need to keep learning. Go ahead and find a quiet spot to work on it newbie, and meet me at shift change.
Oh, and if you haven't had a hit of caffeine yet, do it now.


1900 - If you don't get those damn shoes tied and your hair pulled up in 30 seconds I swear I will make your night miserable. Come on kid, you said you've done this before! Good, now grab a piece of paper and sit your butt down. Its time for report, so we are gonna listen to our other aide give report, and please don't interrupt, she may not give all the information- or even half of the information - that we need, but that's what charts are for. Eyes and ears this way newbie.


We are gonna go do what I call 'introductions' with the patients. Go say hi, talk for a moment, smile and offer to help them. Give them the agenda for the evening so they can plan family visits and pain medications accordingly. No you cannot 'just shadow me' tonight kid, you said you've been an aide for years, get in there and show me what you got!


2000 - This here is our vitals machine. This nifty machine is someone you are gonna know more than your spouse. Each button has a function and some sends this baby off screaming for no reason. You will have an intimate relationship with this machine, because of all the time you spend carting it around.
No, I really don't want to know if you are married, I am just trying to prove a point. Yes, I know I am being mean- this is orientation and until you pass everything off I get to be a bitch. Please tell me you know what all these tools are...
Its called a Pulse Oximeter dude...
That attaches to a blood pressure cuff...
Newbie, that's the thermometer...the oral thermometer.

You can go ahead and wipe down the machine now. I can wait, use the good wipes, the ones with the purple lid. Those kill everything.

2200 - When I asked if you had any questions about the job I was looking for a serious question kid. I was looking for 'can you guide me through the IV pumps again', or even 'show me how to work a CPM.' Something more along the lines of 'what is the code to the galley?' or 'Remind me of the Nurses names?'
I was not looking for 'is there anything we do that doesn't involve pee or pillows?' as a question. Lets review. Smile. Help them pee. Hold your pee for 12 hours. Keep smiling. Deal while they whine. Their pain is real. Write that one down. Keep smiling. Don't forget to chart.

2400- You are only halfway through this shift kid don't even THINK about yawning. Lets go take more vitals and check in on our patients. What will you be checking for you ask? Vitals out of range, comfort levels, worries and concerns. Teach the patient everything they want to know about. If you don't know, you learn. FAST. Please quit staring at me like I just slapped your sister.

Oh, and don't say you are bored, because I will find so much more work for you to do than just this orienting crap. I just made a pot of coffee, down a cup and meet me over in the clean utility closet so we can get it organized. After we are done you can start on that hellish binder.

0200- So kid, we've had downtime for almost two hours now, lets check your binder and see what all you have gotten done.
Oh. My. Word.
You have one page done and the other two have drawings of pony's and daises? Yes I know they are daises! If you didn't know the answer you have a binder on your left that has the answers and an orienter down the hall who is filling out some of her own educational material. Please get back to work, and just know, any more daises may cause me to kick your ass.
No I don't have to shit sunshine, that's the nurses.

0300 - Come on newbie, lets go clean our machines and wipe up counters. Make sure to put on gloves, that stuff is used to wipe down O.R.'s and will sting your hands. Okay, looks good, now lets go ahead and hit up the dirty utility closet. That's the room with dirty machines and equipment stacked to the ceiling. On second thought, bring another canister of the wipes, would ya?

0400 - I am really glad I don't work the psych unit because they would have me admitted. You may feel the same. Please quit strumming your lip like a guitar. Why? Cause you have nasty stuff on your hands. I am so glad its only your first day, or else I would kick your ass... The antiseptic gel does not kill everything, plus it tastes nasty. Fine, don't believe me, but don't put your hands in your mouth.
When I can catch my breath from laughing so hard, remind me to tell you....Told ya so.

0600- Follow me as we get the bandage box put together for the doctors. No this isn't in the job description, but it is what we do here on this unit. Helps the doctors out and in return they help us, called teamwork. We do a lot of that here kid, hope you can handle it. Remember the boxes of 4x4s, the sterile ones. The tape and the tegaderm. Its all about tape and gauze here, if you haven't learned anything else, please remember that.

Answer me one question kid, why are your scrubs stained? And please tell me its not blood stains...

0630- Its called a HEMO-VAC. Let me remind you. HEMO-VAC. It drains the blood from the surgical site into this spring loaded canister. SPRING LOADED. Lets think of other things that are spring loaded, jack-in-the-box, latches on car hoods, clicky pens, and cuckoo clocks. Do you get the idea of spring loaded? Good. Now apply PRESSURE. Let me emphasise on the pressure, are you putting pressure on it? Use your whole hand, and crack it open. Flip and drain blood, and then flush appropriately. Now to close. Put PRESSURE on it and then flip it closed.
Please tell me you understood that. Please?

0700 - So, is your charting done? Good. How about those first three pages of Orientation? Fine, I'll take the two and a half. But tomorrow I expect you to have seven pages done. Yes, we can even ask the nurses tomorrow too. You look tired as hell. Go do a power run to the next call light, it will help you wake up.
Please quit bitching about the other aide being late, I warned you that this is what she does. Use the time to keep up with your charting and hang in there. One day we will all kick her ass and it will land her out of the door. We all hate her for it.

0730- You did well newbie, you hung in there, dealt with the queen of the bitch nest, even got close to singing at one point. Keep your chin up, its a process, even if we seem evil now you'll learn to love us.
Let me show you out of the building. That guy with the full beard is here so early cause he slept here, that's one hell of a dedicated nurse. The gal carrying the newspapers, well I don't know what she does, but she's always here. Seems to be a pretty nice person. That's our environmental services manager, the one out back smoking, she works til 1 am most nights!
Working nights is tough kid, but you did it. We walk out as the doctors walk in, and we get none of the credit. But that is the job, now get your ass home and get some sleep, you look like shit.
Oh and newbie, welcome to the unit.

(Thanks to Capt Schmoe for the idea!)