Things I am Forbidden from Doing

Things I am no longer allowed to do at work:

1. I am no longer allowed to participate in Gurney surfing

2. I am no longer allowed to be running 12 leads or 3 leads on myself- unless I really am in A-fib.

3. There will be no more powersliding competitions (socks and slippers) with other aides or nurses, irregardless of how slick the floors are.

4. Arranging races for the TKA's at midnight with cash bonuses is now forbidden, and its a bummer, those guys could haul ass with ten bucks on the line.

5. I am no longer allowed to put the 'toes above the nose' by putting the bed in trendelenburg by going so far back that I put holes in the walls.

6. I am no longer allowed to heat soup while having a low blood sugar. (I broke a bunch of bowls that night).

7. No more following doctors around anymore, even though I could totally cut the bandages on a TKA or TSA, examine the surgical site, decide if its okay or not and then re-bandage it. Hell I had to show one of our residents how to do it- it had been THAT LONG for her. On that note-No more asking the doctors big questions. I have had enough residents yell at me over asking surgical questions and being 'just an aide.'

8. I am no longer allowed to make fun of the OR aides when they get queasy and pass out during a surgery, and I sure as hell am not allowed to try to be their medic-that really chaps the attendings ass.

9. Answering the phone with 'what do you want?' is out of the question. Ignoring the doorbell when it rings is also out of the question.

10. Writing that patient 'cries like a little girl' in the nursing notes is not acceptable. Neither is 'patient enjoys the breeze between the knees so much he got nekked.' Also 'pain in the ass' is not acceptable on a behavioral scale.

11. My personal abbreviations do not fly with the staff. They shot me down when a patient spent an entire evening puking. Instead of charting emesis I charted VAV- vile-ass-vomit.

12. No more watching Trauma while at work. Makes me laugh so hard I wake the patients up, and the nurse and I throw food at the computer screen.

13. I am FORBIDDEN from talking about Obama with the nurses. One is pro, the other is very, very, very, anti-Obama. We just avoid politics altogether. Anti-Obama is way too politically smart for her own good. Pro Obama just lets it be.

14. No more trying to start AC IV's on myself. Also hand draws are out of the question, as well as anything that has to do with my right arm and a needle while I am on the clock. If I want to bleed I must clock out.

15. Playing pranks on the cleaning crew by turning on all the lights they turn off causes emotional problems with them. I really should quit, but it is way. too. funny.

I read an article on EMS1.COM from Ambulance Driver about the things he isn't allowed to do, which apparently inspired this. What are you guys no longer allowed to do?