Being a Grown Up is Stressful

I heard it my whole life, I knew it was coming, I knew they weren't lying.
But mom and dad were right- being a grown up sucks. I always thought the bills would be the only bothersome thing, but holy shit- they don't make it easy on anyone anymore. Between cars, insurances, bills, families, holidays, the job and all the in-between stresses of life- its a wonder any of us are still sane.

I have spent the last two days on the phone with doctors, nurses, schedulers and insurance pepole, all of which are trying to do their damndest to make sure that I am stressed to my max and feeling it. Frankly, it sucks. Insurance says the doctors didn't do something. Doctors say they sent it weeks ago. Insurance says to resend. They made me the middle man for this convo. Good thing my cell plan has lots of minutes.

Today I woke up and started the phone calls again. Will you send in my pre approval for surgery please? Can I go off this stupid antibiotic now? Did I get approved for intermittent FMLA? Which of these numbers is prime? What side of the bed do I sleep on? Can you tell I'm going insane? Which witch is which in deciding which way to go?

Once upon a time I thought it was all about making your own rules, and partying all the time, playing whatever kind of music you wanted, whenever you wanted. Thought it was all about you and your friends, staying up late, going to partys, college being about boys and fun, discovering yourself, making mistakes and not having a care in the world. Thought it was all about who you were and what you wanted- when in reality, it is less and less freedom than when I was a kid.

My little brother turned 18 the other day, (Happy Birthday Kiddo! I know you don't read this so I didn't write ya anything...sorry!) the Cadet and I sat him down to give him some words of advice.

"Listen to mom and dad kanoosh. You have more medical bills than I do and you do NOT want to have to pay those on your salary. (He works at a fast food place.) Also, come home 5 minutes early for curfew still, so they don't think you're out to break their rules. You have it easy here kiddo- don't make the mistakes I did."

But alas, at 18 you don't listen to your older sisters tried and true advice. Instead you learn for yourself. Like I said, being a grown up sucks.

Once Upon a Ride-Along

" Ambulance 5 report to a Female unknown. Ambulance 5."

The Intermediate jumped into the drivers seat while the Paramedic radioed with dispatch. He opened the side door on the ambulance and pointed for me to jump in, and I gladly did so. The Intermediate was a young guy, who couldn't've been older than 25 years old, with sunglasses, a farmers tan and a god complex. The Paramedic was an older guy, with the beginnings of balding patches, a hearty laugh and with a big smile.

"Buckle up." The paramedic said through the little window between the compartments, then with a lurch I heard the tires squealing against the wet asphalt and we headed down to the scene. As we drove I was jerked around and finally I found it easier to just hold on rather than stay buckled up. I heard the Paramedic yell to the Intermediate about taking the 'long way around' and then getting rather angry, I looked out the little window just as the Intermediate turned on the sirens and I felt my jaw drop as we headed into oncoming traffic. The road was under construction and only had one lane.

Cars swerved in and out of the way and we quickly made it on scene. The paramedic looked back to make sure I was okay and smiled, then we all climbed out of the rig. As I clambered out of the side door I saw that the fire department had beaten us there and I started to follow the EMT's inside.

"Stay put." The intermediate said, then they walked inside, not saying a word, let alone looking back to see what I was doing.

"But-" I started after them, then stopped and I sighed, unsure about how to take it.

"Trust me darlin', you'll be glad you listened." One of the firefighters quirked up from behind me. I looked to him and nodded,knowing it was easier just to listen to their advice. I looked up to the fireman, and I assume that the look on my face showed my confusion. "Look around." He said quietly, leaning into me. As I did so I realized everyone around me were men, and all taller than 6 feet tall. I was 5'1, and a female.

"Aw hell we'll go in with her." One of the other firefighters said to the one standing next to me. I looked to him and smiled.

"Really?" I asked and he nodded, then instructed me to go inside and grab a disposable face mask and gloves. I did so and giddily followed on the heels of these two giants as we entered the building, face mask and gloves on.

The EMT's both looked to us and nodded us over. We walked over and I could tell where we were at by the smell alone. As we stood comfortably around a cot I saw the Intermediate talking to a young girl about my age, who looked to be in pain, but I wasn't sure what kind of pain. She held her abdomen tight, but held her bottom lip out and sat straight up, talking to us normally.

"Go ahead and sit on the stretcher." The Intermediate instructed the young woman and we quickly seat belted her in and started back out and into the rig, disposing of the face masks as we did so. The Intermediate jumped back into the drivers seat, and the Paramedic led the way for us through the back doors of the rig and we got the patient situated. After a moment I heard the Intermediate radio us to the hospital and we started on our way there.

"Alrighty Dani, you've been on a call before?" The Paramedic asked. I nodded and he smiled, ushering me to go ahead and do my thing.

"Do you have any allergies?" I asked her, she shrugged. "Are you on any medications, prescribed or recreational?" She nodded and handed us a large bag, that rivaled the size of a garbage bag from off her lap. I took the bag and opened it, looking at the medications. "Which ones do you take daily?" I asked her.

"Whichever ones I want to." She said. I tried to not let my jaw drop and question her mental capacity, but asked her if any were for medical conditions that she took on a daily basis. Again she shrugged.

"Do you have any medical conditions?" She shook her head no. "What was the last thing you had to eat or drink?"

"I don't know. Don't you get that?" She said, then faked a wincing pain. I looked at her, trying to hold an expressionless face, I looked to the Paramedic who shook his head and filled out the answers as she gave them.

"Alrighty then, what were you doing before the pain started?"

"I was sitting, just like this." She replied, the faked another pain. I looked to the Paramedic.

"Now, OPQRST works well." He said, "However, asking questions that work directly with this ...problem... work just as well." I nodded and turned to the patient, whose bottom lip was sticking out recordedly farther than before and her brow looked furrorwed.

"Are you pregnant?" I asked her. She shook her head no. "Are you sexually active, and if so, is there any chance you could be pregnant?" She just stared at me and the Paramedic looked to her, then to me, who was at a loss of what to do.

"Listen, the more you answer, the more I write, the more time you get at the ED."

"I was just sitting there and it hurt." She said, then faked a moan and looked to us.

The Paramedic set down his clipboard and explained to her that he was going to palpate her abdomen for any deformatites or abnormalities, we set the stretcher back and laid her flat and he palpated her abdomen. No reaction whatsoever, he sat back and wrote more information on his clipboard and then looked to me. From his look alone I could tell what it meant.

As we arrived at the ED a ER tech came running out excitedly, "What do we got?"

"Turkey Call." The Paramedic said quietly as we pushed her into the ED. I felt excited, being able to work with the patient, but at the same time sadly let down. You only get so many hours of clinical time on the rig and I wanted mine to be well spent.

I stood behind the Paramedic as he gave report to the Nurse, who sighed at the address alone that she was picked up at. The Paramedic nodded and kept on with his report, stating his finding and then turning to me, as I handed over the enormous bag of medications. The Nurse looked at me and noticed that my shirt said 'STUDENT' on it.

"Welcome to the game kid, get used to alot of this." She said, taking the meds, then walking into the patients room. The Paramedic looked at me and patted my back.

"Believe it or not, that was the best call I could've asked for you to go on." He said, showing me a big grin. "Lets re-stock the rig and get some grub."

As I helped the Intermediate re-stock the rig and played a short game of basketball with some ER Doctors, I had no idea why everyone thought that was a good call. We did nothing, not even an IV. But, the older I get, the more I'm starting to understand that the younger you learn it, the better you get at it.

How Far We've Come

When I think back on it, it was always just the five of us, crazy kids, worryless adults, just trying to survive. We were four hicks and a chick, and we were instoppable, the world was at our feet, and we didn't even realize it, we just kept living like the world had already done us wrong by making us grow up.

It was always blue eyes and blue jeans. It was always busting our asses just to fix an old beat-up truck. Anything domestic besides beer was laughed at and we lived for Friday nights. Grades were a suggestion, homework an option and we made things work for us. Life was good.

When I realize where we are at now, its still just five of us, we are still crazy, but no longer kids. Our mudding trips have been replaced with movie nights. Grades are no longer an option and we aren't acting out, we are doing what we think we are supposed to in life. We used to crowd around campfires, now we are crowded around anything but. We used to save each other and take chances with our lives, feeling invincibile, now we realize how quick its going and that we will not live forever. However, I have learned a ton since then.

-I have learned that there are times where its okay to follow the rules, but you will never forget the times you broke them for the first time.

-I have learned that regardless of what the weatherman says, it is always sunny, you just have to look past the cloud cover, its always there.

-I have learned that its not okay to always go with the flow, and its always important to listen to your heart in all matters.

-I have learned that people give second chances more times than not, and I have come to understand the importance of these second chances. Third chances don't exsist.

Those are just a few things that I have learned, all from personal experience. After re-reading a few of my posts and comments I got to thinking about life, the to-do list and whats next in life for me. I have conqured a ton of the little hills I set out for myself, but there's still more to do. I have gotten my piercings (and they meant something to me as well), I have ridden in an ambulance, I have changed a life, I have worked side-by-side with a doctor, just to name a few. You don't realize how far you've come until you step back and look at it.

Nothing exciting happened at work last night, I had a heavy patient load, but the nurses were excellent about giving me a hand, and everything ran so smoothly, it truly made up for all the drama on Monday. I cannot believe I have been working there 9 months now, but I have loved almost each and every day, (I honestly can only gripe about 2 patients, max) and I have learned so much. I have helped recover patients from surgery, I have assisted doctors with dressing changes, I have assisted the nurse with any and all invasive and non-invasive procedures, and most importantly I have come to learn more about life and myself.

In the blog heading, it says 'I never thought I would learn about life on the job.' I wish I could explain the feeling I get in my heart every time I think about everything I have learned from my patients, from their experiences. Working with them, learning from them has made me better, smarter and more compassionate. I have learned about the blue skies, about the love from a parent to a child, about addictions, taking a stand for yourself, and so many more lessons. We take for granted the beauty of our job, from time to time we gripe, moan and bitch, and with good reason! But I strongly believe that if we step back from time to time and see how much we've learned, we would be hesitant to bitch and moan.

Growing Up First

Right after I got my EMT license I applied for jobs everywhere, knowing full well that I couldn't obtain a job until I was 21. The goal, was to get my name out there. Realizing the amount of experience I wanted and needed, I headed down to the local firestation, the goal: to ask for more ride-along hours. Sitting down with the head honcho (I'm sure it was a Battalion Cheif) he informed me that I was a 'hazard' and that he couldn't put his team in that kind of risk.

I was livid. Mad. Upset. Frankly I didn't like firefighters after that moment. Up until a fire fighter friend helped me realize what he was talking about.

I'm the staggering height of 5'1, about 130 lbs. The gear for a firefighter alone weighs a TON (I think I read somewhere that its about 70lbs in equipment) and I was asking to get on a rig and tag along with those guys. However, it took me a bit of growing up to realize this, that he wasn't being a sexist jerk, the was ultimately looking out for both of us, and doing the right thing.

There are nights where I sit back and go 'damnit. I really screwed up my life by doing what I did. I could be so much farther in life by now.' I curse myself, hate myself, get mad at myself and feel pretty sad by nights end. But then there are days like today where we play like little kids, act goofy and truly enjoy it. We can't always act like kids, but we have the rest of our lives to grow up. Tonight, I was in a good mood and thought something to myself. 'If I was to have gotten that far, I would've been good, maybe even great. But I can be GREATER by being who I will be doing things this way. No regrets. No regrets.'

If it was a job where we did anything but deal with human lives I would be kicking myself in the teeth, but because my job is all about life and all aspects of it, I am embracing the fact that I am growing up enough to be successful on all levels for my patients. Like stated before, the fear of becoming an EMT-I is the responsibility over human life, the drugs can save or kill my patient, and I truly don't believe I would have come back from it if my actions killed a patient at this age. I am textbook as a CNA, and as an EMT, but I wouldn't've been as good on an ambulance at 18 years old, because I knew nothing about life. I had to have my own painful experiences, so that when my patients share their's I can empathize with them and comfort them as needed.

So on Friday night, when the Nurse asked if I had any regrets about the path I'm taking in life, I proudly smiled at her and shook my head. "No, not at all. I'm okay with growing up first."