He whimpered softly, being a man of only few words as he reached out and grabbed my hand. I took his hand and held it, letting his mind focus on that instead of the pain. We sat there quietly and after a moment I took the side rail down and sat on the edge of the bed.
The nurse came in and gave him his meds, as I let go to leave he whimpered again. Words didn't need to be said as I turned on my heel and returned to that exact same spot. He sighed in relief as he reached out his hand again, and I took it. The sound of the television drown out all the noise from the plexi-pulse boots, the IV pump and the pulse ox. His eyes stared at the television until they got incredibly heavy, and finally he dosed off to sleep.
"You're an old school kind of aide." My replacement tells me. I had been training her all night to do my job, however she had been an aide for almost as long as I have. I nodded my head, knowing full well I was not the norm nowadays when it comes to aides.
Her patient was on the call light every three minutes, with complaints like 'my pillow hurts', 'fix my ipod', 'talk to me, i cant sleep' and even inappropriate questions like, 'what does an orgasm feel like?' We both sighed at it. It felt as if we were working peds instead of an adult unit. However, she was incredibly patient with her and finally gotten her settled, so we hope.
The night flew by so incredibly fast. I watched it sadly. This wasn't my last shift at the hospital, but it was the last one at my favorite unit. Bitterly I sighed as it hit 6 a.m. One hour left to go.
The call light from my replacements patient continued to go off roughly every three minutes. I sighed and shook my head and tried to help her answer the call, but she wouldn't allow me in there, promising me that if I was seen, I wouldn't get out of there before 10 a.m.
The day shift came in and waited to get report. The night had been spent talking, exchanging funny medical stories and our thoughts on everything from kids to Obama. I let the replacement give report on our three patients, and then waited quietly. Everyone else was doing their own thing, and in this small family everyone was always so sweet and knew what was going on in every ones lives. I waited for my nurse to return so I could say goodbye- I wouldn't see them until Feburary 10th at least- but she never did.
I said my goodbyes, but no one said anything in return. I left quietly, the weight of the world on my shoulders, worried about my patients, my replacements and my surgery.
Two nights have passed and I don't sleep anymore. I sneak out of bed in the middle of the night and watch the snow fall quietly outside. I bundle up in my pajama pants and my blankets, turning on medical shows and movies, trying to drown out the worry. All of it is unsuccessful.
I'll be doing everything so much slower, but I'll have time to do it slower. I'm ordered to a immobilizing sling for 6 weeks. I'm not allowed to lift over 2 lbs for 12 weeks. I return to work and can only lift things under 10 lbs. Impossible for an aide. I worry about work- will they fire me when I can't keep up? Will they work with me? I worry about my mental health- 12 weeks not doing anything is a long time. 6 weeks in a sling- not being able to do anything will drive me insane! Yet I just keep trying to calm myself down. I listen to bagpipes and world tunes, singing loudly to German melodies and relaxing to Hawaiian songs. We go for car rides every day, letting the road run over my stress.
This is for a reason - this is so that I can qualify the fitness portion of Paramedic school. This is so that I can keep going on with my life. Without it I won't be able to lift babies out of a crib, let alone patients into an ambulance. Without it I would be disabled in less than three years. With it, and alot of P.T. I will be in the best shape of my life, because for the first time in five years, I won't be babying a large injury.
I just gotta keep reminding myself that.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
EMT's and FireFighers - Lets TALK.
Hey folks
This week my creative non-fiction class is working on interviews and literary journalism. I honestly haven't picked a topic yet, but I would love to talk with anyone I can about life in the field.
EMT's, Paramedics, Firemen, Cops, Dispatchers, Nurses, Aides, even Doc's- send me a e-mail at bmxchic7@yahoo.com if you are interested in participating. No need for full names unless you prefer it. If not please provide an alias or a user name.
Information I need to begin an interview process is:
Name (or alias)
Age
Years in the field/ Training
Country
What it is that you do
After that I will send over my questions for you. No need to be overly formal- more than anything I am just gathering information on what I love! If you have any other information you wish to share or questions feel free to add them in.
Hope to hear from you all soon!
This week my creative non-fiction class is working on interviews and literary journalism. I honestly haven't picked a topic yet, but I would love to talk with anyone I can about life in the field.
EMT's, Paramedics, Firemen, Cops, Dispatchers, Nurses, Aides, even Doc's- send me a e-mail at bmxchic7@yahoo.com if you are interested in participating. No need for full names unless you prefer it. If not please provide an alias or a user name.
Information I need to begin an interview process is:
Name (or alias)
Age
Years in the field/ Training
Country
What it is that you do
After that I will send over my questions for you. No need to be overly formal- more than anything I am just gathering information on what I love! If you have any other information you wish to share or questions feel free to add them in.
Hope to hear from you all soon!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Learning from my Cadet
There are lots of benefits to being romantically involved with a cadet or officer. Knowing what the hidden laws are, knowing why they do what they do, being able to tell a good cop from a shitty cop, hell even being able to know proper takedowns is a benefit. I have been a practice dummy for handcuffing, searches and quick frisks. I have been tackled and cuffed and had to assist when he does prone searches on violent family members. This has come in handy, even though at times it sucks.
Tonight I heard that now all too familiar sound of handcuffs clanking. Out of the corner of my eye I saw two uniformed men in dark clothing. I saw a patient, telling them how he needed to be uncuffed so he could put his street clothes on. Seconds later the clanking got louder and a naked man came running my way. Realizing what was going on I reached out and latched to his hip, stretching across him. Suddenly we were thrown to the floor as the large officer tackled both of us, and I fought to wiggle free from their impossible grasp.
As soon as I did they took his one hand that was still cuffed and put it behind his back. As they tried to cover his naked body and recuff him I used my body weight to hold down his arm by the bicep and get his arm to where the other officer could finish the cuffing. The one cop was sitting on him at his waist, the other at his ankles, holding him down. The paitent yelled, screamed and cried wolf, but they cuffed him and hauled him back to his room.
Security had been called in as backup and were there to witness the three of us working with him. They laughed at me and rolled their eyes, but as the one cop emerged he patted my shoulder.
"You shoulda stayed outta the way, but we sure appreciate your help." I smiled.
Every now and the, cool stuff happens to me too.
Tonight I heard that now all too familiar sound of handcuffs clanking. Out of the corner of my eye I saw two uniformed men in dark clothing. I saw a patient, telling them how he needed to be uncuffed so he could put his street clothes on. Seconds later the clanking got louder and a naked man came running my way. Realizing what was going on I reached out and latched to his hip, stretching across him. Suddenly we were thrown to the floor as the large officer tackled both of us, and I fought to wiggle free from their impossible grasp.
As soon as I did they took his one hand that was still cuffed and put it behind his back. As they tried to cover his naked body and recuff him I used my body weight to hold down his arm by the bicep and get his arm to where the other officer could finish the cuffing. The one cop was sitting on him at his waist, the other at his ankles, holding him down. The paitent yelled, screamed and cried wolf, but they cuffed him and hauled him back to his room.
Security had been called in as backup and were there to witness the three of us working with him. They laughed at me and rolled their eyes, but as the one cop emerged he patted my shoulder.
"You shoulda stayed outta the way, but we sure appreciate your help." I smiled.
Every now and the, cool stuff happens to me too.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Just Do It
You haven't heard alot from me lately bloggers, and with good reason. It's been a busy week or two, working with school, picking up extra shifts and working longer ones than expected and having long sleepless nights just to talk about life and all those damn in-betweens that go on from your goal and where you are now.
The job is good, the job is great. Lately it's been a big stress and an even bigger hassle. At my hospital we have an extra unit called a 'float unit' where we hire RN's, CNA's and LPN's who go to any unit that needs extra staff. It's a helpful unit, however recently we had an issue with a float CNA at my unit. She was causing problems, being snitty and even yelling at patients. She wanted to order food, so we okayed her to order in a pizza. Both nurses told her no meat and I told her no heavy garlic (I am allergic.) She ordered a chicken garlic pizza. We all ate one piece just to make her feel better, but I was sure regretting it. She rode equipment around and sand loudly in spanish, making it hard for the patients to sleep. I work nights, you don't make noise. At the end of the shift everyone was appaled when management offered her a job. Needless to say we panicked and had to speak up. Luckily they listen to us and she will not be my new partner.
Monday I am set to get a contrast MRI done. I am really nervous but am glad that I am doing it where I work. My co-workers are all awesome people, and I honestly do trust them to do a good job. They do it whether they know I am a patient or not. Wednesday I am all set for a follow-up with my shoulder surgeon.
I'm gonna do it. I am going to have my surgery. The ideal date to do it on would be in November, right before Thanksgiving. It's not that I want to ruin the holidays, It's that I would get lots of holiday pay while I am out. It's going to be a long 12 weeks, so here is hoping that there are some decent holiday specials. My nurses are amazing and have helped me plan out my leave from the day of sugery to the day I want to get back. They are even trying to get me to work more hours over there, instead of the med/surg unit, so that I don't ruin a fresh surgery.
Meanwhile the boy is still in POST and is loving it. He comes home excited every night trying to convince me to let him do the things he was taught in class. Last night he learned searches, so he felt up everybody he could find, including his grandma. For awhile there, I was worried about him being a cop, thinking that he wouldn't do so great at it, but now, he is doing awesome.
The job is good, the job is great. Lately it's been a big stress and an even bigger hassle. At my hospital we have an extra unit called a 'float unit' where we hire RN's, CNA's and LPN's who go to any unit that needs extra staff. It's a helpful unit, however recently we had an issue with a float CNA at my unit. She was causing problems, being snitty and even yelling at patients. She wanted to order food, so we okayed her to order in a pizza. Both nurses told her no meat and I told her no heavy garlic (I am allergic.) She ordered a chicken garlic pizza. We all ate one piece just to make her feel better, but I was sure regretting it. She rode equipment around and sand loudly in spanish, making it hard for the patients to sleep. I work nights, you don't make noise. At the end of the shift everyone was appaled when management offered her a job. Needless to say we panicked and had to speak up. Luckily they listen to us and she will not be my new partner.
Monday I am set to get a contrast MRI done. I am really nervous but am glad that I am doing it where I work. My co-workers are all awesome people, and I honestly do trust them to do a good job. They do it whether they know I am a patient or not. Wednesday I am all set for a follow-up with my shoulder surgeon.
I'm gonna do it. I am going to have my surgery. The ideal date to do it on would be in November, right before Thanksgiving. It's not that I want to ruin the holidays, It's that I would get lots of holiday pay while I am out. It's going to be a long 12 weeks, so here is hoping that there are some decent holiday specials. My nurses are amazing and have helped me plan out my leave from the day of sugery to the day I want to get back. They are even trying to get me to work more hours over there, instead of the med/surg unit, so that I don't ruin a fresh surgery.
Meanwhile the boy is still in POST and is loving it. He comes home excited every night trying to convince me to let him do the things he was taught in class. Last night he learned searches, so he felt up everybody he could find, including his grandma. For awhile there, I was worried about him being a cop, thinking that he wouldn't do so great at it, but now, he is doing awesome.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Time: My loosing battle
When you work in a hospital you come to loose a lot of things you once took for granted. Sleep, holidays, friends, family, and mostly, time. We accept this becuse we love our jobs, our co-workers and our patients.
Sitting straight up as I awoke I let myself catch my breath and after a moment flopped back down onto my pillow and close my eyes. The dream I had flashed through my mind again and I sighed deeply. It all came back to me as I lay there, the defibrillator, the sirens, the lights, and the patient, everything moving in slow motion, yet it was still moving too fast.
Dreams don't happen often, so when they do it is a big deal for me to try to remember them. I stare at the dreamcatcher over my bed and I continue to breathe, letting my eyes wander between it and the clock, whose big green letters read 3:45 a.m.
There was once a time I didn't need sleep. I was working two jobs, 5 days a week, and anywhere from 8-14 hours a day. Then, I would come home and hang out with family and friends. I didn't need food, I didn't need bathroom breaks, I didn't need anything, I just kept going. At the time I thought that was just how my body worked, but now, being exhausted all the time and always just wanting to catch up on sleep and sun, I wonder what was my deal.
Everyone I talk to reminds me that I have time, that I don't need to live in fast forward like I am used to. Everyone trys to convince me that I am doing better off than I think I am doing, but there are some people, the only people who honestly make sense to me, who encourage me to keep going in fast forward. "One day, you are gonna wake up a 50-year-old woman and wonder where your life has gone." They say. "Don't stop running. Don't stop moving in fast forward. Don't stop."
Once upon a time I worked in a care center, and a little old lady took me by the hands and pulled me close to her bed. "You are too young for this." She said. I argued, telling her I was the ripe old age of seventeen years old. She nodded. "You are way too young for this. Why are you doing this so young?" When I explained my dreams of being a nurse and a Paramedic, she smiled. "Well then, you keep being young and doing this. You will be the best. Don't slow down." She smiled. "But enjoy the moment, enjoy the time. It goes way too fast."
Life has provided me with many lessons since I have started working in this field. Once I thought this was just a short-term thing, but nothing you do in medicine is short term. We do this for people, and we toss ourselves by the wayside. Medicine isn't for the selfish, its for the selfless, and we loose alot, including time. As Meridith Grey said on an Episode of Grey's Anatomy; "Time takes pleasure in kicking our asses."
Sitting straight up as I awoke I let myself catch my breath and after a moment flopped back down onto my pillow and close my eyes. The dream I had flashed through my mind again and I sighed deeply. It all came back to me as I lay there, the defibrillator, the sirens, the lights, and the patient, everything moving in slow motion, yet it was still moving too fast.
Dreams don't happen often, so when they do it is a big deal for me to try to remember them. I stare at the dreamcatcher over my bed and I continue to breathe, letting my eyes wander between it and the clock, whose big green letters read 3:45 a.m.
There was once a time I didn't need sleep. I was working two jobs, 5 days a week, and anywhere from 8-14 hours a day. Then, I would come home and hang out with family and friends. I didn't need food, I didn't need bathroom breaks, I didn't need anything, I just kept going. At the time I thought that was just how my body worked, but now, being exhausted all the time and always just wanting to catch up on sleep and sun, I wonder what was my deal.
Everyone I talk to reminds me that I have time, that I don't need to live in fast forward like I am used to. Everyone trys to convince me that I am doing better off than I think I am doing, but there are some people, the only people who honestly make sense to me, who encourage me to keep going in fast forward. "One day, you are gonna wake up a 50-year-old woman and wonder where your life has gone." They say. "Don't stop running. Don't stop moving in fast forward. Don't stop."
Once upon a time I worked in a care center, and a little old lady took me by the hands and pulled me close to her bed. "You are too young for this." She said. I argued, telling her I was the ripe old age of seventeen years old. She nodded. "You are way too young for this. Why are you doing this so young?" When I explained my dreams of being a nurse and a Paramedic, she smiled. "Well then, you keep being young and doing this. You will be the best. Don't slow down." She smiled. "But enjoy the moment, enjoy the time. It goes way too fast."
Life has provided me with many lessons since I have started working in this field. Once I thought this was just a short-term thing, but nothing you do in medicine is short term. We do this for people, and we toss ourselves by the wayside. Medicine isn't for the selfish, its for the selfless, and we loose alot, including time. As Meridith Grey said on an Episode of Grey's Anatomy; "Time takes pleasure in kicking our asses."
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Chain of Command
When we were kids in school we learned about the chain of command. As the students, we were the peons and had to have permission to even use the bathroom. The teacher had all the power we could see over us, but she didn't have all the power she needed to help her do her job, this is where the principal came in, who had to determine if the teacher was as crazy as we thought or not. No matter what kind of child we were, each of us defied the rules, and at least once, the principal took our side. But sometimes the chain of command gets screwed up, and then problems arise.
The nurses station was buzzing with phones ringing, voices yelling and white coats creating a blur as they passed. As they walked, the interns, brand new from med school and our own batch of young doctors, griped. "I cannot believe the nurse wouldn't give my patient denture cream!" A blond, skinny doctor said in disbelief to her colleagues. She wore high heels and too much makeup, and looked much younger than she probably was.
"I cannot believe it either, I mean what the hell is her problem, the woman needs denture cream!" Another doctor, a short brown haired-boy said. He also looked too young, but was wise enough to wear scrubs. The third doctor, looked to be about thirty years old, he stayed quiet and watched his colleagues intently. He held the patients chart and laughed to himself, but said nothing to the others.
As they entered the patients room to discuss this mishap they stopped and stared at the patient speechless as the elderly lady they were worried about smiled at them, showing off a full pair of natural teeth, complete with a gold tooth on one side.
My pager buzzed endlessly in my pocket, but I couldn't seem to escape from a certain patient. She had something wrong with her, but no one could identify it. I kept thinking back to a scrubs episode where a patient kept thinking everyone was a clone of themselves and trying to hurt her. Her lip trembled as she rambled on and on about going upstairs to a unit that didn't exist. She kept talking about promises that doctors made, and kept talking about doctors screwing up her care. I approached the nurse as soon as I escaped, who rolled his eyes. So I took action. Wearily I walked over to the case managers desk and sat down next to her. She looked over at me. "What?" She grumbled, looking back to her paperwork.
"I need your help." I said, my voice shaking and knowing full well that I could get in a lot of trouble for doing what I was about to do. The case manager looked at me and took off her glasses, studying me. I took in a deep breath, then continued. "I have this patient, who hasn't had a psych consult, and I think she needs one. Also, her nurse seems to think she is crazy, so none of her needs have been met yet. And I am not sure who can call for those or what can be done, but I know you are a patient advocate, and so am I. Can you help me?"
She nodded and put her glasses back on. "I need a patient name and medical record number."
"So you can help me?" I asked.
"You bet your ass I can." She replied.
Thirty minutes later a psych team came to her room and new labs were drawn. The patients needs were met, and she felt better about her care, even if she was crazy, and without a doubt she had some psychological issues. No one knew it was me that told on the nurse about the patient. No one knew that I had overheard the interns arguing over something ridiculous, but the aide that I had to tell on knew that it was me, and for once, I regretted the chain of command, for this information getting slipped.
"I'm not taking report from you, your a bitch." She said, her acne scarred face sneering at me as she scratched the table with her dirty nails and chipped nail polish.
"That's fine." I said, handing my report sheet to one of the male aides. Anger and despise came over me and I felt meaner and nastier than ever as I watched her. Finally my eyes turned to the aide I had handed my report sheet to. He looked at my report sheet and a smile crept across his face.
"You even have their medications on here?" He asked. I nodded. "And their place of work, and their stories?" He looked at me and smiled. "I'm gonna switch shifts just to get report from you." He said. I smiled and clocked out, without a report to give I was burning time.
As I walked out the charge nurse tried to send me back to the break room, but when I explained the situation to her she sighed and apologized. I smiled at her and thanked her for her hard work, then walked out of the hospital, which seemed to be empty.
As kids we never realized all the things we did until it was bedtime, when mom and dad tucked us into bed and asked us about our days. It wasn't until we laid awake wondering what problems tomorrow would bring because of today's actions. As adults, we do the same thing, but our problems don't include apology letters or time out. As adults the repercussions of our actions are much, much bigger...
The nurses station was buzzing with phones ringing, voices yelling and white coats creating a blur as they passed. As they walked, the interns, brand new from med school and our own batch of young doctors, griped. "I cannot believe the nurse wouldn't give my patient denture cream!" A blond, skinny doctor said in disbelief to her colleagues. She wore high heels and too much makeup, and looked much younger than she probably was.
"I cannot believe it either, I mean what the hell is her problem, the woman needs denture cream!" Another doctor, a short brown haired-boy said. He also looked too young, but was wise enough to wear scrubs. The third doctor, looked to be about thirty years old, he stayed quiet and watched his colleagues intently. He held the patients chart and laughed to himself, but said nothing to the others.
As they entered the patients room to discuss this mishap they stopped and stared at the patient speechless as the elderly lady they were worried about smiled at them, showing off a full pair of natural teeth, complete with a gold tooth on one side.
My pager buzzed endlessly in my pocket, but I couldn't seem to escape from a certain patient. She had something wrong with her, but no one could identify it. I kept thinking back to a scrubs episode where a patient kept thinking everyone was a clone of themselves and trying to hurt her. Her lip trembled as she rambled on and on about going upstairs to a unit that didn't exist. She kept talking about promises that doctors made, and kept talking about doctors screwing up her care. I approached the nurse as soon as I escaped, who rolled his eyes. So I took action. Wearily I walked over to the case managers desk and sat down next to her. She looked over at me. "What?" She grumbled, looking back to her paperwork.
"I need your help." I said, my voice shaking and knowing full well that I could get in a lot of trouble for doing what I was about to do. The case manager looked at me and took off her glasses, studying me. I took in a deep breath, then continued. "I have this patient, who hasn't had a psych consult, and I think she needs one. Also, her nurse seems to think she is crazy, so none of her needs have been met yet. And I am not sure who can call for those or what can be done, but I know you are a patient advocate, and so am I. Can you help me?"
She nodded and put her glasses back on. "I need a patient name and medical record number."
"So you can help me?" I asked.
"You bet your ass I can." She replied.
Thirty minutes later a psych team came to her room and new labs were drawn. The patients needs were met, and she felt better about her care, even if she was crazy, and without a doubt she had some psychological issues. No one knew it was me that told on the nurse about the patient. No one knew that I had overheard the interns arguing over something ridiculous, but the aide that I had to tell on knew that it was me, and for once, I regretted the chain of command, for this information getting slipped.
"I'm not taking report from you, your a bitch." She said, her acne scarred face sneering at me as she scratched the table with her dirty nails and chipped nail polish.
"That's fine." I said, handing my report sheet to one of the male aides. Anger and despise came over me and I felt meaner and nastier than ever as I watched her. Finally my eyes turned to the aide I had handed my report sheet to. He looked at my report sheet and a smile crept across his face.
"You even have their medications on here?" He asked. I nodded. "And their place of work, and their stories?" He looked at me and smiled. "I'm gonna switch shifts just to get report from you." He said. I smiled and clocked out, without a report to give I was burning time.
As I walked out the charge nurse tried to send me back to the break room, but when I explained the situation to her she sighed and apologized. I smiled at her and thanked her for her hard work, then walked out of the hospital, which seemed to be empty.
As kids we never realized all the things we did until it was bedtime, when mom and dad tucked us into bed and asked us about our days. It wasn't until we laid awake wondering what problems tomorrow would bring because of today's actions. As adults, we do the same thing, but our problems don't include apology letters or time out. As adults the repercussions of our actions are much, much bigger...
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Glued to Glucose
It seems like everytime I work its all about me and my glucometer.
This time the patient, who wasn't diabetic but was a transplant patient looked odd. When I entered his room to do routine vitals for new admits and he was sleeping, bundled under about 5-6 blankets. I heard him, and realized something quickly, something I will never forget. There's a difference between snoring (sleeping) and snoring (respirations). His was the second. I quickly left the room and for whatever reason grabbed my glucometer. The nurse stopped me and asked me what I was doing, and I informed her that I felt it needed to be done. She nodded and then grumbled about me as she walked away.
I tried to wake him, and he woke suddenly, but went immediately back to sleep. I took the finger prick and had to milk the blood out, but got the reading. The glucometer beeped frantically and his wife, a nurse came running to see what the reading was. I felt my stomach drop and quickly locked the glucometer and ran to the galley.
I grabbed two apple juices and a grape juice, then notified the nurse that the reading was below what the glucometer would read. The patient downed both apple juices and laid back in bed, falling asleep again. I opened the window to let in some light and turned on the televsion, then returned five minutes later to get a new reading; 52.
Handing him the grape juice I again notified the nurse, who then looked to me with worried eyes. "Looks like we're gonna give him the D-50." She said. "Page his doctor." I nodded and did so, then returned to his room for a third blood sugar; 70.
"You must be good with diabetics." The wife said to me as we stepped into the hallway. I sighed and placed my glucometer on the shelf and wrote down the readings, nodding my head.
"Seems like they are everywhere." I said, looking up to her, relieved that he at least had a reading. "Has this ever happened before?"
The wife shook her head. "No, he was just nauseated and vomiting all day." Stopping, I looked to her, watching her carefully.
"And the ER didn't check it?" She shook her head no and I sighed. A problem and an admit could have been prevented. A note to self was made and I charted his glucose levels, and strict monitoring from me all night.
I swear, I am glued to the glucose cases lately.
This time the patient, who wasn't diabetic but was a transplant patient looked odd. When I entered his room to do routine vitals for new admits and he was sleeping, bundled under about 5-6 blankets. I heard him, and realized something quickly, something I will never forget. There's a difference between snoring (sleeping) and snoring (respirations). His was the second. I quickly left the room and for whatever reason grabbed my glucometer. The nurse stopped me and asked me what I was doing, and I informed her that I felt it needed to be done. She nodded and then grumbled about me as she walked away.
I tried to wake him, and he woke suddenly, but went immediately back to sleep. I took the finger prick and had to milk the blood out, but got the reading. The glucometer beeped frantically and his wife, a nurse came running to see what the reading was. I felt my stomach drop and quickly locked the glucometer and ran to the galley.
I grabbed two apple juices and a grape juice, then notified the nurse that the reading was below what the glucometer would read. The patient downed both apple juices and laid back in bed, falling asleep again. I opened the window to let in some light and turned on the televsion, then returned five minutes later to get a new reading; 52.
Handing him the grape juice I again notified the nurse, who then looked to me with worried eyes. "Looks like we're gonna give him the D-50." She said. "Page his doctor." I nodded and did so, then returned to his room for a third blood sugar; 70.
"You must be good with diabetics." The wife said to me as we stepped into the hallway. I sighed and placed my glucometer on the shelf and wrote down the readings, nodding my head.
"Seems like they are everywhere." I said, looking up to her, relieved that he at least had a reading. "Has this ever happened before?"
The wife shook her head. "No, he was just nauseated and vomiting all day." Stopping, I looked to her, watching her carefully.
"And the ER didn't check it?" She shook her head no and I sighed. A problem and an admit could have been prevented. A note to self was made and I charted his glucose levels, and strict monitoring from me all night.
I swear, I am glued to the glucose cases lately.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
It's About People
Luckily I had the weekend off and got to enjoy it and all of the festivities with my family. My fiance and I made it to a total of two parades (both of which he marched in), visited a pool party, and a BBQ, as well as our tiny fireworks display. It turned out to be a fun night and I was so glad I didn't have to work. Since then, I've been worried about life, about what I'm doing.
He's gonna be a cop. He is gonna work long shifts, but not nearly as long as Paramedics. He will be able to go to work and come home to a family. How will I be able to actually raise my kids? I don't want to rely on daycare systems, and I know family won't be available when I have to work 24's. Maybe I'm thinking too far into the future, then again, its still a worry heavy on my mind.
We had an aide float from another floor to help our unit last night. She was very pregnant, and she showed it with her cute walk that came with it. She tried her damndest to get the job done, and did it well. I watched her with awe, she had to be nearly ready to burst, but if you're gonna go into early labor, why not at a hospital?
"Why do you keep doing it?" I asked her as she walked into the breakroom.
"Do what?" She replied.
"Do this job, your gonna have a baby. Why not switch careers?" I asked, and she smiled.
"Because I love taking care of people." She said, then sat down next to me. "Everything we do is about people, and people are what matters." I nodded and looked at my cup, soaking in everything she was saying. "Like our Intern Nurse, we had a young CF patient who missed her prom, so he created her room to be a prom and came to work in a tux just to dance with her at her own prom." I smiled as I remembered this, it was my first week on the job and I kept smiling, thinking about how happy it made our patient.
Maybe I'll drown my worries in my job tonight and focus on what really matters, people. Eventually I will have to figure it out, but until then, I'll just keep going.
He's gonna be a cop. He is gonna work long shifts, but not nearly as long as Paramedics. He will be able to go to work and come home to a family. How will I be able to actually raise my kids? I don't want to rely on daycare systems, and I know family won't be available when I have to work 24's. Maybe I'm thinking too far into the future, then again, its still a worry heavy on my mind.
We had an aide float from another floor to help our unit last night. She was very pregnant, and she showed it with her cute walk that came with it. She tried her damndest to get the job done, and did it well. I watched her with awe, she had to be nearly ready to burst, but if you're gonna go into early labor, why not at a hospital?
"Why do you keep doing it?" I asked her as she walked into the breakroom.
"Do what?" She replied.
"Do this job, your gonna have a baby. Why not switch careers?" I asked, and she smiled.
"Because I love taking care of people." She said, then sat down next to me. "Everything we do is about people, and people are what matters." I nodded and looked at my cup, soaking in everything she was saying. "Like our Intern Nurse, we had a young CF patient who missed her prom, so he created her room to be a prom and came to work in a tux just to dance with her at her own prom." I smiled as I remembered this, it was my first week on the job and I kept smiling, thinking about how happy it made our patient.
Maybe I'll drown my worries in my job tonight and focus on what really matters, people. Eventually I will have to figure it out, but until then, I'll just keep going.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I was that, Once
I was that kid, once. Standing in new bright blue scrubs, hands in the pockets, and a look on his face that let us all know he was new, out of place and scared to death. For his first day on the job, he did well. We had a rough patient load and he kept up, ignoring the sounds of the moaning psych patients and crying children. The unit is never quiet, but last night it was louder than normal, adding to the usual headache we usually all leave with. (I kid you not, at 2000 we all sit down in the breakroom and pass around a bottle of excedrin to get us to 2330.)
Luckily for him, I wasn't his orientee, the powers at hand probably knew better than to give me the new guy, mostly because I am known for throwing it at them like it was thrown at me. I was taught right, I was taught well, and I was taught how to do a tough job with compassion, my instructors theory was 'if a patient has to do it, so do you.' I have had nearly all of it done on me, and teach the same way. I was always told 'DO IT' and if I had seen it, I did it. This kid had seen hundreds of IV's discontinued, but refused to take one out (BTW, its the easiest freaking thing in the world to do, take tape off, stabilize IV, place gauze over IV site, gently and quickly pull it out and press down on IV site, stopping any bleeding. EASY.) I was amazed at the patience of his orientee, and how sweet she was too him. The powers at hand did well.
I was once that family member, once. Standing outside my family members room, talking quietly with the nurses, trying to figure out what was going on, why certain actions were or were not taken, trying to make sure my family was taken care of at their best. I always asked questions about lab results, when the M.D.'s had made their way in and why things were the way they were. However, we stayed in hushed voices, and this gal did not.
Luckily for her I wasn't the Nurse. The charge nurse took over and very sweetly talked to her about the care, treatment and why each task was being done, she even showed her the computer chart and the orders to best explain. She sat her down and even showed her the medications, explaining things so incredibly througoughly to the family member, as well as the patient. Watching this I couldn't help but smile, I love who the powers have chosen to charge, they are truly the best of the best.
I was waiting for test results once.....aw who the hell am I kidding....still waiting in test results. And I hate waiting.
Luckily for him, I wasn't his orientee, the powers at hand probably knew better than to give me the new guy, mostly because I am known for throwing it at them like it was thrown at me. I was taught right, I was taught well, and I was taught how to do a tough job with compassion, my instructors theory was 'if a patient has to do it, so do you.' I have had nearly all of it done on me, and teach the same way. I was always told 'DO IT' and if I had seen it, I did it. This kid had seen hundreds of IV's discontinued, but refused to take one out (BTW, its the easiest freaking thing in the world to do, take tape off, stabilize IV, place gauze over IV site, gently and quickly pull it out and press down on IV site, stopping any bleeding. EASY.) I was amazed at the patience of his orientee, and how sweet she was too him. The powers at hand did well.
I was once that family member, once. Standing outside my family members room, talking quietly with the nurses, trying to figure out what was going on, why certain actions were or were not taken, trying to make sure my family was taken care of at their best. I always asked questions about lab results, when the M.D.'s had made their way in and why things were the way they were. However, we stayed in hushed voices, and this gal did not.
Luckily for her I wasn't the Nurse. The charge nurse took over and very sweetly talked to her about the care, treatment and why each task was being done, she even showed her the computer chart and the orders to best explain. She sat her down and even showed her the medications, explaining things so incredibly througoughly to the family member, as well as the patient. Watching this I couldn't help but smile, I love who the powers have chosen to charge, they are truly the best of the best.
I was waiting for test results once.....aw who the hell am I kidding....still waiting in test results. And I hate waiting.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Unsure About Things
Life, the center of our universe, the reason behind our being. The reason to inhale, the reason to exhale, the reason to reproduce. It's the reason we believe in love, its why we believe in religion, and moreover, why we believe in each other.
The damn poets have tried to capture the beauty and meaning of life for others to share. They have tried to help humanity but humanity is proving to be beyond help; sadly this shows. Crimes, Vice, Wars, Random Acts of Violence, humans find hundreds of ways to act out against one another. I had come to the conclusion that life would forever remain a mystery to me. However, I got a job in a hospital, working hands on with people, and as I worked I learned.
Working with people is difficult, and at times I clock out feeling as if I want to cry. It's tough, people are beautiful, mean, kind, hard working, terrible and an arrangement of other characteristics. Some shifts are beautiful, others horrible and some are a shade of classic mediocracy. But as you deal with life, with people, you learn about them.
I never thought I would learn about life on the job.
*~*~*
The skies are finally clear, blue and sunny. I feel as if I could stare at them all day, and at times I get lost in thoughts as well as daydreams as I stare up at these big blue skies. Lately it's been me and my fiance waiting on the mail, waiting to see who will go to trade school first. I have been scared to study up in my textbooks, worried that I may get my hopes up, so instead I have been reading Peter Canning's book; Paramedic. The more I read the book, the more I realize it really is what I want to do with my life, and it gives me that extra push I need to keep hoping.
Monday and Tuesday were very rough for me. I worry that I am getting into a rut, but I also worry that if I'm stuck in the rut, I may never get out. In the break room I see other CNA's, talking about the patients, making snide remarks and talking about how long they have done this 
for. I have been a CNA for 5 years, but I can't bring myself to make those remarks, but I worry that one day, I may get to that point. Monday it was the patients and the families that got to me. Yesterday it was the nurses. Maybe they simply don't trust my skills, maybe they don't trust me. Maybe I don't trust them. Could it all be in my head? Either way I feel like I am falling into a rut, and I desperately need something to help lift me up.
for. I have been a CNA for 5 years, but I can't bring myself to make those remarks, but I worry that one day, I may get to that point. Monday it was the patients and the families that got to me. Yesterday it was the nurses. Maybe they simply don't trust my skills, maybe they don't trust me. Maybe I don't trust them. Could it all be in my head? Either way I feel like I am falling into a rut, and I desperately need something to help lift me up. I'm sure that one day I will look back at this and smile, laugh at myself for my petty worries and roll my eyes when I re-read these posts. But that is one day, and this, is today, and today I am going to worry about it, I am going to stress over it. I think I am going to take a motorcycle ride.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
How Far We've Come
When I think back on it, it was always just the five of us, crazy kids, worryless adults, just trying to survive. We were four hicks and a chick, and we were instoppable, the world was at our feet, and we didn't even realize it, we just kept living like the world had already done us wrong by making us grow up.
-I have learned that there are times where its okay to follow the rules, but you will never forget the times you broke them for the first time.
It was always blue eyes and blue jeans. It was always busting our asses just to fix an old beat-up truck. Anything domestic besides beer was laughed at and we lived for Friday nights. Grades were a suggestion, homework an option and we made things work for us. Life was good.
When I realize where we are at now, its still just five of us, we are still crazy, but no longer kids. Our mudding trips have been replaced with movie nights. Grades are no longer an option and we aren't acting out, we are doing what we think we are supposed to in life. We used to crowd around campfires, now we are crowded around anything but. We used to save each other and take chances with our lives, feeling invincibile, now we realize how quick its going and that we will not live forever. However, I have learned a ton since then.
-I have learned that there are times where its okay to follow the rules, but you will never forget the times you broke them for the first time.-I have learned that regardless of what the weatherman says, it is always sunny, you just have to look past the cloud cover, its always there.
-I have learned that its not okay to always go with the flow, and its always important to listen to your heart in all matters.
-I have learned that people give second chances more times than not, and I have come to understand the importance of these second chances. Third chances don't exsist.
Those are just a few things that I have learned, all from personal experience. After re-reading a few of my posts and comments I got to thinking about life, the to-do list and whats next in life for me. I have conqured a ton of the little hills I set out for myself, but there's still more to do. I have gotten my piercings (and they meant something to me as well), I have ridden in an ambulance, I have changed a life, I have worked side-by-side with a doctor, just to name a few. You don't realize how far you've come until you step back and look at it.
Nothing exciting happened at work last night, I had a heavy patient load, but the nurses were excellent about giving me a hand, and everything ran so smoothly, it truly made up for all the drama on Monday. I cannot believe I have been working there 9 months now, but I have loved almost each and every day, (I honestly can only gripe about 2 patients, max) and I have learned so much. I have helped recover patients from surgery, I have assisted doctors with dressing changes, I have assisted the nurse with any and all invasive and non-invasive procedures, and most importantly I have come to learn more about life and myself.
In the blog heading, it says 'I never thought I would learn about life on the job.' I wish I could explain the feeling I get in my heart every time I think about everything I have learned from my patients, from their experiences. Working with them, learning from them has made me better, smarter and more compassionate. I have learned about the blue skies, about the love from a parent to a child, about addictions, taking a stand for yourself, and so many more lessons. We take for granted the beauty of our job, from time to time we gripe, moan and bitch, and with good reason! But I strongly believe that if we step back from time to time and see how much we've learned, we would be hesitant to bitch and moan.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Girl Who Lived
Bad nights at work make it that much harder to blog about the next day, and all because I hate to whine, but last night, was one of the worst.Actually arriving an hour early to work, I decided to wander the massive hospital and see what I could discover. It only took me two minutes to find the ED and I was hooked, however I was quickly asked to leave and ended up escorting a patient back to their room, which happened to be on my unit, so I stayed put and studied up on my EMT stuff. After a decent study period I clocked in and started my shift. I had the good section of the unit, almost all private rooms and lots of discharges.
'The nurses must love me.' I thought. This attitude quickly changed.
Suddenly we are halted from entering one of my patients room, and she is on the call light. I suddenly become aware that doctors are everywhere and I quietly stand by the charge nurses desk to try to figure out whats going on. Guess what? The diagnosis wasa respiratory precaution, (I'm sure one of you can guess which one it was) and since lots of us had been in and out of that room, we had all been exposed. Luckily the staff was awfully quick in fitting us for a respirator, and I had to have the one that looked like a spacesuit. I was scared, and moreover, I was worried. This was my 'dirty unit', and during the rest of the week I work in a 'sterile feild,' I didn't want to miss out on work in the unit I loved.
When I saw the patient I cursed myself for not going in there sooner. I cursed myself for not volunteering to help her, and for being as worried as I let myself be. Here was a human being who was sick, scared and now here we are in space suits, she was human, and we weren't treating her as such. We were treating her like her diagnosis.
I couldn't keep up with the work load, and patients were yelling at me for this. Other aides wouldn't help me with my call lights and I was frusterated. Gearing up took 10 minutes, so getting to my one patient took about 15 minutes. Helping others to the restroom usually took 10 minutes, last night took 20. Things were falling behind and noone wanted to listen.
Report was the most frutsterating. The aides wouldn't listen, they wanted to read what the 'computer said.' Well, the computer was wrong on almost ALL the diagnosis' and was simply for the HUC's purpose. Finally, I had to explain my respiratory precautions patient to the new aide. She was a sweet gal, but she really didn't understand why she needed to go in there at all. "But we will be exposed!" She said.
"Yes, we will, but if you wear this respirator and report that you went in there, then you will be okay, they will fill out the appropriate paperwork and if you have symptoms, call and you will get the time off work." I looked at her and turned off the monitor so that she could look at me. "She is scared. She is sick and she is human." I said slowly, the aide looked confused and I told her the diagnosis. The aide's face fell.
"She has WHAT?!?" she exclaimed. I nodded, that was pretty much my reaction too.
"She is scared. She is sick. It is our JOB to care for her. She is the same as any other patient, you just wear a respirator." As she wrote down the details I sat back in the chair and exhaled slowly. Patient's yelling at me, threats for following simple orders, scary diagnosis', and all the crap in between. I love my job, and last night, I did my job, but not as well as I wanted to. And I HATE that.
'The nurses must love me.' I thought. This attitude quickly changed.
Suddenly we are halted from entering one of my patients room, and she is on the call light. I suddenly become aware that doctors are everywhere and I quietly stand by the charge nurses desk to try to figure out whats going on. Guess what? The diagnosis wasa respiratory precaution, (I'm sure one of you can guess which one it was) and since lots of us had been in and out of that room, we had all been exposed. Luckily the staff was awfully quick in fitting us for a respirator, and I had to have the one that looked like a spacesuit. I was scared, and moreover, I was worried. This was my 'dirty unit', and during the rest of the week I work in a 'sterile feild,' I didn't want to miss out on work in the unit I loved.
When I saw the patient I cursed myself for not going in there sooner. I cursed myself for not volunteering to help her, and for being as worried as I let myself be. Here was a human being who was sick, scared and now here we are in space suits, she was human, and we weren't treating her as such. We were treating her like her diagnosis.
I couldn't keep up with the work load, and patients were yelling at me for this. Other aides wouldn't help me with my call lights and I was frusterated. Gearing up took 10 minutes, so getting to my one patient took about 15 minutes. Helping others to the restroom usually took 10 minutes, last night took 20. Things were falling behind and noone wanted to listen.
Report was the most frutsterating. The aides wouldn't listen, they wanted to read what the 'computer said.' Well, the computer was wrong on almost ALL the diagnosis' and was simply for the HUC's purpose. Finally, I had to explain my respiratory precautions patient to the new aide. She was a sweet gal, but she really didn't understand why she needed to go in there at all. "But we will be exposed!" She said.
"Yes, we will, but if you wear this respirator and report that you went in there, then you will be okay, they will fill out the appropriate paperwork and if you have symptoms, call and you will get the time off work." I looked at her and turned off the monitor so that she could look at me. "She is scared. She is sick and she is human." I said slowly, the aide looked confused and I told her the diagnosis. The aide's face fell.
"She has WHAT?!?" she exclaimed. I nodded, that was pretty much my reaction too.
"She is scared. She is sick. It is our JOB to care for her. She is the same as any other patient, you just wear a respirator." As she wrote down the details I sat back in the chair and exhaled slowly. Patient's yelling at me, threats for following simple orders, scary diagnosis', and all the crap in between. I love my job, and last night, I did my job, but not as well as I wanted to. And I HATE that.
Friday, June 5, 2009
"God is Great, Beer is Good and People are Crazy"
'Life, is beautiful,
but its complicated, we barely make it.
We don't need to understand,
there are miracles, in our path.' - Life is Beautiful, Vega 4
When your rushing through textbooks and studying all the time for a simple certification you don't realize that as soon as your in the job everything will change. At 17 years old, working in a nursing home really is no fun, your lifting people heavier than you, some of the things you deal with are unsatisfactory and in the end, you feel really empty, you worked so hard and your blood, sweat and tears seem all for nothing. But there was so much beauty there, how did I miss it?
Did the doctors just love me enough to send me perfect patients last night? Did the nurses and the other aide love me enough to make sure they were in great shape and completely happy? Maybe my patients got a memo that I was off my game (and for those of you who read my OTHER post, I apologize, even then I was off my game), either way the night went perfectly.
Last night I studied up on my drugs, and still feel overwhelmed, so I'm gonna keep studying tonight. While hugging a tube of Bacitracin, I sat and studied up on Atropine, Lidocaine, Adenosine and a few others, still not sure why I'm having such a hard time with it, however my nurse is excellent and is having me do all my on-line and in textbook homework, before sitting me down for the lesson. She even pulled out a few 2mL syringes and marked them with the dosages of the medication, so that I could see the tiny amount those drugs need.
But, my mind wandered, and before too long Pandora was on and I was busy making flashcards on all the information I had found, and before too long I was singing along to Billy Currington's latest song which has a fitting chours for anyone in medicine.
'God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.'
The drive home is amazing, no matter when I get off, but last night the city seemed to sparkle like a fresh cut diamond. As I drove home I kept thinking of how many hospitals and clinics I pass to get to work every day, and its a pretty large number, 
however, it is totally worth every minute of my drive. So I turn up the radio and sing for all I'm worth, because this is life. It only happens once, and I'll never re-live this moment again. So wasting my time whining ain't gonna happen.
however, it is totally worth every minute of my drive. So I turn up the radio and sing for all I'm worth, because this is life. It only happens once, and I'll never re-live this moment again. So wasting my time whining ain't gonna happen. I also promised one of our nurses I would post this photo. She had to give me my final Hep B shot in the series and I was giving her a hard time, telling her that my band-aid better be pretty freaking awesome. When she slapped it on my arm (I'm a bleeder) I saw that and busted up laughing. This is my definition of patient care!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Despite it all
I don't live anywhere near the hospital, and that comes with pros and cons. Pro, is that I have time to mentally prepare myself for whatever my shift may hold. Con, is that at times, things happen, like cars don't work. Rides are too far away. Within a matter of minutes my personal life became a mess and as I wearily drove into work I was looking forward to loosing myself in the service of others. The car had broken, our new room we had remodeled was falling apart and was still not finished, friends and family were all hitting on sore spots, I felt like a wreck. As I walked into work I kept looking for opportunities to loose myself in service.
Leaning against the wall across from the time clock I cursed everything I would have to deal with when I returned to this spot, 8 hours from now. Shortly after, I clocked in and checked the whiteboard. Another 1:1.
As I walked into the room and got report, I looked at each bed's whiteboards. Both's patient goals were to get better, as report was given I found that both patients illnesses were self caused. I love working in 1:1's because you can actually give the patient(s) the attention you feel they need, but today I felt frustrated with my 1:1s because it was more severe than what we were used to dealing with.
Vitals were unstable, Mental Statuses declined, quickly it got to be overwhelming, one patient was receiving a chest xray, then the other a ABG test. While physicians were in the room for both patients I stepped outside for a moment and exhaled, running my fingers through my hair. "Despite it all, they are still human." I told myself. "Despite that they cannot remember their families, that they did this to themselves, they are still human."
Before too long I was pulled from the 1:1 and placed on the floor, with a few patients. I really am starting to love this unit the more I understand what to do, however a few nurses seem to think that I am 'too slow' in learning what to do. (Whining will precede, be cautioned) I am with a full patient load now, doing tasks I wasn't doing the week before, and I only ask questions when I truly don't know, so I go to those who DO know. Generally speaking the nurses are excellent at answering my questions, and I love that they do that, but almost every week without fail my patients happen to be Nurse (Meanie-Britches) patients as well, and she asks me to do a lot of things I don't know how to do. I ask her to elaborate, to explain, when she'll slam the doors and throw things onto the counter grumbling 'Fine! I'll just do it myself!'
'Despite it all, she is still human' I whisper under my breath, pausing long enough to exhale, then running after her to try to fix whatever messes may be caused on the way. I hate it when that happens.
I got surprised for my break, my boyfriend and one of my best friends came and brought me dinner and offered to help me with the vehicular problems. I gladly accepted the offer and spent my lunch break laughing it off. We joked about everything, and they being two of the best guys I know, saw my frustration and tried to make me feel better. My best friend came back from college with many vices, and slowly worked them away, except for two. His crazy girlfriend, and smoking. But we know he will never quit both of these habits and despite it all, he is still human.
As I finished my shift I did vitals, blood sugars, intake and output checks and all other nighttime activities that needed to be done. After verifying that I had truly finished all my tasks I read up on the different diagnoses that the unit was holding. It really amazed me at what a variety I saw, everything from Sepsis to Depression, Below the Knee Amputations to Pneumonia, we see it all.
There were a few abbreviations I didn't understand, so I asked another CNA, she sat down next to me and tried to figure it out, then explained 'since its a human that enters this information, not the computer, they enter the information that they know, not the generalized term so this sometimes happens.'
As I drove home I started to think about the quote just running through my mind all shift. What does it mean to be human? Does it mean we allow for addictions, mistakes and short-comings? As I listened to my play list the answer came to me.
To be human means to have a continuous heartbeat that does more than pump blood, it holds your love, your worry, and your emotions towards others. It means you do more than simply work, you think, you delegate, you educate and you learn. Being human means that from time to time you will have a vice, you will have mistakes, but you will overcome them and thrust yourself onto greatness. To be human means that you will continually want; want to better yourself, want to be healthy, want to learn and want to obtain your dreams.
Despite it all, all the crap, all the concern and all the hassles, it was a good shift.
Leaning against the wall across from the time clock I cursed everything I would have to deal with when I returned to this spot, 8 hours from now. Shortly after, I clocked in and checked the whiteboard. Another 1:1.
As I walked into the room and got report, I looked at each bed's whiteboards. Both's patient goals were to get better, as report was given I found that both patients illnesses were self caused. I love working in 1:1's because you can actually give the patient(s) the attention you feel they need, but today I felt frustrated with my 1:1s because it was more severe than what we were used to dealing with.
Vitals were unstable, Mental Statuses declined, quickly it got to be overwhelming, one patient was receiving a chest xray, then the other a ABG test. While physicians were in the room for both patients I stepped outside for a moment and exhaled, running my fingers through my hair. "Despite it all, they are still human." I told myself. "Despite that they cannot remember their families, that they did this to themselves, they are still human."
Before too long I was pulled from the 1:1 and placed on the floor, with a few patients. I really am starting to love this unit the more I understand what to do, however a few nurses seem to think that I am 'too slow' in learning what to do. (Whining will precede, be cautioned) I am with a full patient load now, doing tasks I wasn't doing the week before, and I only ask questions when I truly don't know, so I go to those who DO know. Generally speaking the nurses are excellent at answering my questions, and I love that they do that, but almost every week without fail my patients happen to be Nurse (Meanie-Britches) patients as well, and she asks me to do a lot of things I don't know how to do. I ask her to elaborate, to explain, when she'll slam the doors and throw things onto the counter grumbling 'Fine! I'll just do it myself!'
'Despite it all, she is still human' I whisper under my breath, pausing long enough to exhale, then running after her to try to fix whatever messes may be caused on the way. I hate it when that happens.
I got surprised for my break, my boyfriend and one of my best friends came and brought me dinner and offered to help me with the vehicular problems. I gladly accepted the offer and spent my lunch break laughing it off. We joked about everything, and they being two of the best guys I know, saw my frustration and tried to make me feel better. My best friend came back from college with many vices, and slowly worked them away, except for two. His crazy girlfriend, and smoking. But we know he will never quit both of these habits and despite it all, he is still human.
As I finished my shift I did vitals, blood sugars, intake and output checks and all other nighttime activities that needed to be done. After verifying that I had truly finished all my tasks I read up on the different diagnoses that the unit was holding. It really amazed me at what a variety I saw, everything from Sepsis to Depression, Below the Knee Amputations to Pneumonia, we see it all.
There were a few abbreviations I didn't understand, so I asked another CNA, she sat down next to me and tried to figure it out, then explained 'since its a human that enters this information, not the computer, they enter the information that they know, not the generalized term so this sometimes happens.'
As I drove home I started to think about the quote just running through my mind all shift. What does it mean to be human? Does it mean we allow for addictions, mistakes and short-comings? As I listened to my play list the answer came to me.
To be human means to have a continuous heartbeat that does more than pump blood, it holds your love, your worry, and your emotions towards others. It means you do more than simply work, you think, you delegate, you educate and you learn. Being human means that from time to time you will have a vice, you will have mistakes, but you will overcome them and thrust yourself onto greatness. To be human means that you will continually want; want to better yourself, want to be healthy, want to learn and want to obtain your dreams.
Despite it all, all the crap, all the concern and all the hassles, it was a good shift.
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