"I need help." He said, sweat dripping off of his forehead and his hands shaking as he walked up to me. Studying him I suddenly had a feeling about the situation as I saw his duffel bag and one of our mugs attached to it. "I need someone to help me."
I set down the glucometer I was carrying and asked him to sit down in a chair that was out in the hall. Kneeling down next to him he looked at me, his blue eyes boring holes into me, as if he was trying to talk to me.
"What seems to be the problem?" I asked.
"This isn't the right thing to do, I know this isn't the right thing to do." He said, burying his head into his hands. "But the ER keeps discharging me, and I really need help." He paused.
"What is it?" I whispered softly, touching his knee.
"I was here earlier...for an overdose. I had never wanted to do that before...and when I discharged I felt good, but now...I want to hurt myself. I have never wanted that." A single tear fell down his cheek and hit my hand. He sniffed loudly enough that it caught a nurses attention and she knelt down with me as we listened. "I went to the ER three times, they told me I would be arrested if I came back. They think I am abusing the system, but they didn't even do anything. I am not high, I am not drunk, no drugs. I am depressed. I am out of control and I need the help."
The nurse looked to me and then looked to the man. "I'm gonna call the ER; this man needs to be seen."
"I am not looking for a warm meal and a bed like they said, I am looking for help. I have enough pride to go to the shelter instead of abusing the system." At this point he let out a loud sob and bent over completely, hiding his face.
I stepped away for a moment and looked to the nurse who held a phone to her head and phrases like "WHAT THE HELL WHERE YOU THINKING?" and "ARE YOU PEOPLE STUPID?" escaped from her and we all stared in disbelief. I returned to the patient who fell onto me and sobbed sadly. Suddenly we heard the clanging of metal against metal and we both stopped as a deep voice spoke from behind me.
"Mr. Doe we are here to take you to the ER. We were told you are a hazard to yourself and your community."
"What the hell is this?" The nurse yelled as she approached us.
"This is doing the right thing." The security guard said getting nose to nose with the nurse. The patient let out a tight inhale and grabbed my hand, squeezing tightly. "What the hell is it that your team thinks its doing?"
"The humane thing. Get me a damn ER doctor and a gurney and get your asses out of here!" The nurse yelled back, drawing the attention of many other nurses, guests, the other security guards and even a few aides. Silence fell on the scene and all that was heard was breathing from all of us, the patient, the nurses, and the guards. You could feel the tension sitting in the air as the guard shook his head, and then placed a hand on the patient. Without saying a word he began to cuff him and then with a jerk he pulled him to his feet like a criminal. "Your a f*****g bastard." The nurse said. "You take him to the ER."
Between the five of them they hauled him off and like a criminal, like a monster. He hung his head and his shoulders shook uncontrollably as he started to sob as the drug him. It wasn't that he wasn't cooperating, it was that he was so impaired from fear, his want to commit suicide and having no one help, let alone care, that it was too much to ask him to march to his own end.
Forty-five minutes later we called the E.D. No one had seen the man yet, no one knew if he had been through again or not. I wasn't sure if he had even been seen, and angrily the nurse and I nearly left the floor to go find him, but as we looked through the charts and made our seemingly long and endless calls we realized that if he wasn't here, he was somewhere far from here and heading into the dark night. We felt helpless, and more than anything, angry.
Staring up at the starry sky tonight my thoughts drifted to this man, I hope he is alright.
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