Surgery

I work in surgery. I work at the exact place I went to for my appointments. I work with that surgeon, and have worked one-on-one with him and his patients many times. I know the situation, but instead of the scrubs, I was the gown.

As soon as I placed the gown on and he asked me to stand to see what I can and cannot do, I realized this was business. He played with my range of motion and frankly put me into way more pain than I had bargained for in a one-hour visit. He could see that my joint was loose, but he had no idea how loose we were talking about. As soon as we sat down to talk he told me that he found things on my MRI, but I needed a different one.

Fantastic. There goes my paycheck.

As we spoke it became apparent to me what I need to do to even attempt to become a Paramedic. Its not just going to school anymore. When I can no longer hug my fiance, when I can no longer make a bed (a big part of life as well as life as a CNA), and when I can barely lift a patient, I knew it was time to call in the big shots. I am gonna need to have a surgery to do my job as an aide, as well as even consider being eligible to reach my dreams.

He explained the procedure well, and I can honestly say he is the best doctor I have been to yet, making sure I understood the procedure. Even his student was well educated and knew exactly what should be done (not bad for a first year resident!). But as I drove home with my mother I kept thinking to myself about the whole thing.

My injury ached, it creaked and it throbbed. I am a 20-year-old female with high aspirations and now this. No one my age should be in this much pain, but then again, I know I have a high pain threshold (I broke my collarbone and didn't know it until this shoulder injury years later when the injury had healed itself). How much pain am I really in?

As I stared down the freeway it seemed endless, somewhat like my dreams of becoming a Paramedic. Would I ever find the end and reach my dreams, or will I have to jump off an exit too soon and give it up? Would I ever have the glory and the richness of that first real save?

Tonight I continue to try to keep the pain under control and keep my mind off of this now touchy subject, hoping that inspiration will find me and that I will know what to do. But until then, I sit back, enjoy my pepsi and try not to feel overwhelmed about it all.