I've always been known to have supplies, just in case. Being a boy scout with boobs, its just something I have always done. But last night, it wasn't about medicine. It was about life. After so many nights spent helping get friends home I considered changing my title to EMT, DD. That was just my job, and I was trusted with it, they had options on who they could call, and it was always me. Even on my birthday I spent the morning (0200) lying in the bed of a pickup truck with one of my best friends, staring at the stars and talking about life.
No one ever warned us that life would go this fast, or that we would change this much. That life would hurt this bad, or that people could be so mean. I always knew that I needed to grow up quickly to survive, but this was one bullett that seemed impossible to dodge. Just when we thought the world was alright, things changed. Friends get pregnant, they go off to war, the get hard and calloused. Friends find people to love who are insane. They leave, they come back.
Last night a bunch of us layed on our bed, cuddled up and watching T.V., talking about how painful it is that things change, trying to figure out who has seen who latley and dissing on each other. Finally, it was just two of us, and generally I love those conversations, the deep ones about life, love and happiness, but tonight it fell on a sad note.
"Life moves so fast." My boyfriend whispered, laying his head on my shoulder. I nodded quietly and turned off the t.v. We sat there quietly for awhile and then I realized how true this was. When I was 16 I made a to-do list before I die and suddenly items on my list were getting crossed off left and right. "Is it supposed to be like this?"
"I think it is supposed to be like this, and from time to time, it sucks. But we gotta see the beauty in it. We gotta keep moving forward." I replied, embracing him. "Maybe country music really does have something going for them," I joked and we laughed. "We just gotta hold on tight and enjoy the ride." But he has a point.
Is it supposed to be like this?
2 comments:
Yes it's supposed to be like this. So you take your "to do" list and add more things to it, and it's amazing how much your to do list can change in a few years or even a few months. In the medical field you learn, quicker than anyone else, that life can change in a blink of an eye.
You also learn that some people really shouldn't reproduce but that's a whole 'nother ball game!
Moments like the one you describe have magic in them that will last a lifetime. As years progress those moments become fewer and fewer, enjoy every second, no matter how painful. When things slow down, and believe me they will, you will miss this time of your life.
Thanks for helping me remember, nothing seemed so alive as those late night conversations with friends. Friends like that, and those conversations make life worth living, even if all you have left are the memories.
Post a Comment