The damn poets have tried to capture the beauty and meaning of life for others to share. They have tried to help humanity but humanity is proving to be beyond help; sadly this shows. Crimes, Vice, Wars, Random Acts of Violence, humans find hundreds of ways to act out against one another. I had come to the conclusion that life would forever remain a mystery to me. However, I got a job in a hospital, working hands on with people, and as I worked I learned.
Working with people is difficult, and at times I clock out feeling as if I want to cry. It's tough, people are beautiful, mean, kind, hard working, terrible and an arrangement of other characteristics. Some shifts are beautiful, others horrible and some are a shade of classic mediocracy. But as you deal with life, with people, you learn about them.
I never thought I would learn about life on the job.
*~*~*
The skies are finally clear, blue and sunny. I feel as if I could stare at them all day, and at times I get lost in thoughts as well as daydreams as I stare up at these big blue skies. Lately it's been me and my fiance waiting on the mail, waiting to see who will go to trade school first. I have been scared to study up in my textbooks, worried that I may get my hopes up, so instead I have been reading Peter Canning's book; Paramedic. The more I read the book, the more I realize it really is what I want to do with my life, and it gives me that extra push I need to keep hoping.
Monday and Tuesday were very rough for me. I worry that I am getting into a rut, but I also worry that if I'm stuck in the rut, I may never get out. In the break room I see other CNA's, talking about the patients, making snide remarks and talking about how long they have done this 
for. I have been a CNA for 5 years, but I can't bring myself to make those remarks, but I worry that one day, I may get to that point. Monday it was the patients and the families that got to me. Yesterday it was the nurses. Maybe they simply don't trust my skills, maybe they don't trust me. Maybe I don't trust them. Could it all be in my head? Either way I feel like I am falling into a rut, and I desperately need something to help lift me up.
for. I have been a CNA for 5 years, but I can't bring myself to make those remarks, but I worry that one day, I may get to that point. Monday it was the patients and the families that got to me. Yesterday it was the nurses. Maybe they simply don't trust my skills, maybe they don't trust me. Maybe I don't trust them. Could it all be in my head? Either way I feel like I am falling into a rut, and I desperately need something to help lift me up. I'm sure that one day I will look back at this and smile, laugh at myself for my petty worries and roll my eyes when I re-read these posts. But that is one day, and this, is today, and today I am going to worry about it, I am going to stress over it. I think I am going to take a motorcycle ride.
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