Test Results

For the last week I have been hunting down the mailman. You would think in today's day and age he would bring these long awaited letters and packages sooner in fear of them being taken away from him and placed in the hands of the ever-growing Internet. Instead, I wait, hoping that each day is the day that it comes.

I am waiting for test results for my fiance, which will determine who goes to school first. Paramedic school is 5 days a week, 8-9 hours a day, including ride-along hours, which will take place at any day, any time. He has encouraged me to completely focus on school, so I would have to quit my job. With his certification it is 5-6 days a week, 4-5 hours a day, and is at convenient times, but still, we want him to focus on his certification. Either way I am worried about the results, the fianances, and how it will all work out.

I love my job, and I would hate to quit my job, even if it is for school, but thats the best decision that we can come up with, for both of us. There is no excuse for failure when school is all your doing. But with my evaluation recently coming back with excellent results and the Nurses trusting me to assist them with anything and everything, I would hate to loose what I have. But I would also hate to be where I am at forever.

Because of this I have been getting lost in my thoughts, finding myself thinking about the possibilities that lay ahead. When I go, will I be the oldest in my class? Will I be the youngest in my class? What happens when I graduate? Will I be able to focus all the time? Will it overwhelm me?

I hate swimming in a sea of doubt, so I curse the mailman and get ready for work, ignoring the fact that its his fault we have continued to be this worried about these results. I just close my eyes and try to let things be. However, trying and doing, are two very different things.